Tomorrow Will Be And I Am Glad

Oh gosh. The crazy was strong today, y'all. I'm not going to go into it but trust me when I say that the list of things which bring out the panic and anxiety is longer than I know and today I discovered a new item on the list and I had to force myself to go through a situation which millions of people probably go through every day and it's nothing, it's so silly and yet...
For me it was fraught with every sort of fucked-upedness in my booly-booly head.
After I had completed my ridiculously simple yet almost-impossible-for-me task, I drove to Jessie's because I needed to see her and the small boys before leaving to go to Roseland tomorrow. Hank's been wanting to take me to a new Cuban restaurant in town and so Boppy met up with us at Jessie's house too so that he could go with us which was lovely except that of course as soon as he walked in I was chopped liver but Levon loves me so that was okay.

We loaded up into the car and I actually squeezed my squishy body between August's and Levon's seats and off we went. 

"Are you sure you're comfortable?" asked Jessie.

"It's not like we're driving to Minnesota," I said and I was comfortable enough for the approximately four minute drive.  

We met Hank and Rachel there as well as our dear friend Liz and what a sweet little place it is! It's called Chi-Chi's for any of you reading this who live in Tallahassee and might need a Cuban food fix. Counter service, tight but comfortable seating, bright red walls, clean as a bean, a pastry case with flan and guava pastries, and a limited but luscious menu. 

Who would ask for anything more? 

I got to try a sip of Rachel's Cortadito which I would pay someone a hundred dollars a day to deliver to my house in Lloyd at five o'clock every afternoon. I'm not sure I ever had a coffee with the perfect proportion of milk and espresso and sugar until today. I drink my coffee black and unsweetened- exactly as it comes out of the pot- but it's more like an efficient, fat-free/carb-free caffeine delivery system than it is an enjoyable drink and this Cotadito tasted like what I'll be drinking in heaven where calories are of no concern to anyone. 

I got a Cuban sandwich and some black beans and rice and shared with August and couldn't begin to finish it all but I tell you what- I want to go back soon and get something out of that pastry case and a Cortadito of my own. I hear that the breakfast is amazing too. 

And it was all great except that I was starting to feel the absolute reality of panic/anxiety hang-over which is what happens when your body floods with adrenaline and all that other good stuff and you don't have to slay a saber toothed tiger and you crash. When we got back to Jessie's I read August a book and then said good-bye to him and his beautiful brother who graces me so much by letting me hold him and to their mama, too, and you'd think I was going to be away for a month instead of five days the way I feel like I'm going to miss them and their cousins, and aunties and uncle too.  

I had to go by Publix and that was hard but luckily I didn't have to get much. There's a Publix about a mile away from the place we stay in Roseland and we'll be shopping there tomorrow to get the necessary supplies for life in the pretty little cabana house by the lion pool. We'll probably eat out a lot but I do love to play house and cook there on the vintage pink stove and serve our breakfasts on the vintage Melmac plates. I haven't packed a durn thing but that's okay. I've filled up the chicken waterers and watered the porch plants and I'll pack tomorrow morning. Doesn't matter one bit if I forget things- there's a Goodwill right next to the Publix and a dreaded Walmart too. 

This time tomorrow I'll be sitting on that dock watching the fishing birds as the sun sets with the original Flagler-built railroad trestle right down the river. My grandfather counted the engines and cars crossing that bridge and I bet you anything some other retired older fella still does the same. 

In other words, this time tomorrow I'll be drowning in nostalgia and probably weeping into my martini and I hope that my husband is on that dock with me, throwing his fishing line into the river that I dream of, the river that flows straight to the Atlantic ocean, the river of my heart. 

And I will look at the little islands and perhaps this time, this time, I will see Tarzan or maybe a mastodon, peeking out of the jungle. And perhaps a manatee will come up to the dock, snuffling it's whiskery snuffle and maybe we'll swim naked in the pool tomorrow night and maybe the white sand roads will glow in this waxing moon beside this Florida river of my dreams.

We shall see.

Love...Ms. Moon