Sunday, October 15, 2017

I Don't Know. I DO NOT KNOW!

Another day where I have nothing to talk about. I did some embroidery and I am now hoping this quilt is ready for my newest grandchild-to-be's high school graduation.
While I embroidered, I binge-watched (I guess?) a bunch of episodes of Frankie and Grace which I have avoided until now due to Jane Fonda but Lily Tomlin is a genius and there are some good lines in there and Jane Fonda isn't so bad, actually.
I wish I was a better needleworker. One thing I have noticed is that no matter how much I knit or embroider or crochet, my work never seems to get any better. I am mediocre at best. My mother was an amazing knitter and crocheter and could follow a pattern like nobody's business. Jessie's really good at knitting too and it rather stuns me. Maybe in my next lifetime I'll actually take lessons or something. Meanwhile, I putter on with what I do and I do enjoy it but it always ends up looking messy and so imperfect.

Mr. Moon is home and I am glad to have him back. I don't mind being alone at all but honestly, I know it's not really the best thing for me to have too much time spent solo.

So, on Facebook right now it's a thing to make your status "me too" if we've been sexually harassed or assaulted to point out the vast number of women (and of many men, as well) who have experienced these things.
I don't know why but I'm not feeling it.
I have no doubt that at least 99.9% of all women have, at some point in their lives, been sexually harassed or assaulted or both and far more than once, most likely. This is the reality of it.
And hell no, it's not all right. HELL FUCKING NO! And it's not excusable. It's something that all women live with and have lived with and which they have to carry as unwelcome and painful baggage for the rest of their lives. Which is just wrong. It's like soul-crushing is built into the female human experience.
And please know that I do realize that this is also true for many males. I know it like I know my own blood.
But what goddam good does it do to post what is so obviously true on FB? Who are we swaying with this information? Who are we enlightening? What are we changing?
To be honest, I am feeling this way about so many things in social media. Not the personal stories so much but the "Type yes if you agree with this" kind of thing.
Fuck yes, I think Trump should be impeached.
Fuck yes, I think athletes have every right to protest violence against African Americans by police and everyone else.
Fuck yes, I am horrified by the things our government is doing for no apparent reason except for spite and (let's face it) racially based hatred of MY president, Obama.
Fuck yes, cancer sucks.
Fuck yes, we need to do something about global climate change.
Fuck yes, we need to save the manatee, the pandas, the elephants, the tigers, the vast and impossibly complex rain forests and trees and rivers and our mother seas.
Fuck yes! We need to help the starving, the sick, the under-served, the under-represented, the homeless, the abused, the vet with PTSD and/or life-altering physical problems.
Fuck yes! We need to ensure the rights of all citizens.
Fuck yes, women should have autonomy over their own bodies and be able to make their own choices about their reproductive systems.
Fuck yes, fuck yes, fuck yes to all of these and so many more but when push comes to shove...
What good does typing "yes" as a comment do?
It's Facebook. It's not a direct line to the gods or the government.
It's so easy to feel like we're doing something of value when we type those "yeses" and I almost wonder if that isn't part of the problem.

I don't know.

I just know that when people write their true stories, their experiences, I pay attention. That's when I make room in my brain for learning something I did not know. For being able to view something in a way that perhaps I have never considered.
And that is another reason I will always love the blogs.

But god love us. Bless our hearts. We do what we can and it hurts nothing at all to say me too. 
But until we name names, until we stand up and say, NO MORE!, until we point out what sexual harassment is, nothing is going to change.
And even then it's not a sure thing. I mean, Trump got elected president and he admitted sexual harassment and assault out loud on tape and he laughed about it and bragged about it and never really apologized for it.
If there are enough women who come forth to accuse even the rich and the powerful along with the regular guys who don't think twice about what they're doing when they try to sexually engage a woman or a girl in any way shape or fashion when that sort of attention is neither asked for nor appropriate, perhaps things will change.

Type yes if you, like me, feel like you don't fucking know shit except that it's a crazy world.
Or don't.
Either way, it's all right. I know where your heart is.

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. The older I get the less I know. That’s all I know.

  2. I never cease to be events out in *the world* ........ or by your wonderful writing down of my exact thoughts. Thank you for make me feel like I'm not alone in any of it
    Susan M

  3. I fucking love this post. I totally agree. What good does it do to type yes and do nothing more. On principle I never type yes on those things. I never share them. Now this post. It has heart, which means it has the power to shift thought. Big hugs.

  4. I am completely overwhelmed by all of the shit on Facebook. I can barely stand it. It disheartens me.

  5. YES! And amen. Love you, Ms. Moon!

  6. Some of us post because it might help some women feel less alone. That is what rape survivor groups did for me 30 years ago. I thought I was the only one who had been raped as a child. The indifference of that luxury of silence depresses me from the US when we in Africa fight so hard and speak up even when it is dangerous to do so.

    1. Please don't get me wrong. I have written volumes about how the sexual abuse I experienced as a child has affected my life. I spent years in therapy and in a sexual abuse survivor group. Those things have probably saved my life. I am absolutely not silent nor will be silenced and I am so sorry that you experienced what you did as a child.

  7. I hear you, Ms Moon. Posting on social media isn't going to end rape culture, gun culture, illegal wars of occupation, bombing raids, or oust corrupt tyrants and buffoons in power. But I know how excruciatingly hard it was for some of my friends to post 'me too' knowing that family members, employers, rapists were going to read that. And solidarity does mean something to some of us in the developing world.

    I know you went through a similar hell as a child. And after the child abuse there was the GP who stuck his tongue in my mouth, the Catholic priest who masturbated in front of me at a church picnic, the lecturer who downgraded my marks when I wouldn't be 'nice' to him afterhours, the brother of a friend who said he'd teach me to like sex, the groping and cat calls and threats. What so many of us go through all our lives. No way to afford therapy, no money to pay lawyers, no no way to press charges without facing intimidation, ostracism, disbelief. But we can say two words on twitter: it isn't enough but better than nothing.

    1. Mary Armour, this humbles me, makes me rethink how flip i can sometimes be about those Facebook memes. I totally understand what Ms. Moon is saying in her post, but I also appreciate your offering another way to see.

    2. Angella is right, Mary. And please know you are always welcome here and free to say whatever it is you need or want to say.

  8. So far, I've never been on facebook and don't ever intend to. It's probably saved me from hu dreds of futile arguments.
    Instagram is all I can handle. A big resounding YES!

  9. I scroll past all that shit. though I did a me too but only to post a different person's version of who ought to be saying me too. as if that'll happen. I don't sign those petitions anymore either because all it gets me is a mountain of spam.

  10. I think you had a LOT to talk about and you did so very well... Fuck Yes about it ALL! But I too find it mildly annoying when social media wants to do those informal Surveys of who agrees or disagrees with whatever...

  11. I suppose the Facebook participation at least makes people feel like they're speaking up; they're participating. And they are. It does good in that it makes the rest of us aware. I know on an abstract level that there's a lot of harassment going on out there, but I was surprised to read that certain of my friends and colleagues had experienced it.

    As for Jane Fonda, you mentioned on my blog your antipathy toward her because of the exercise videos. I have to admit that whole aspect of her career slid right past me with very little notice. Exercise videos just weren't something I paid any attention to, which is why they never bothered me, I suppose. (And I realize there's an inherent sexism in the fact that I could afford to ignore exercise videos.)

  12. I have spoken to more than one man who found himself genuinely shocked to realise the woman walking up the street in front of him at night was clearly scared he was following her with malicious intent.

    But they're nice guys... why would the women think that?? Don't they understand they don't mean any harm?

    I think men need to know that 99% of women have been casually harmed by men at some point in their lives. Maybe that other men have too. They're largely oblivious, and obvlivious to the damage they've done themselves.

    If all your friends start posting that they've been harassed/assaulted etc. it might start to strike home. You might say something next time your friend is acting like an asshole. You might kick a guy out of your shop for harassing someone, you might stop and check if someone needs help if you get a bad feeling about their situation.

    Personally, I joined in because I think it's something that's both widely accepted but swept under the carpet, and I think it's time the burden of shame and frustration women feel about it was shared about a bit.

  13. Never understood how people, decent people can think that fb likes and memes do anything other than exposing a person('s ignorance).
    It's distraction and ultimately exploitation.

    Whereas blogging like you do - that's real life changing stuff.
    Thank you Ms Moon.


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