This is really getting out of hand, this neurosis or whatever it is.
But. My test came back negative.
The NP I saw was very kind, very nice, and she said that 15% of those negatives are false and since I've been so exposed, she was going to go ahead and prescribe antibiotics, which she did and although I'm not a big believer in taking antibiotics for everything and anything, I'm going to take them because fuck, I have to start feeling better.
So I survived but now I just feel so very, very low along with tired and sad.
I've started taking my antidepressant again because same as with the antibiotics- fuck, I have to start feeling better. I can't live like this and it's not a good thing for my marriage or my life to be stuck in this horrible morass of slithering dark eels crawling about my soul. Everything in me fights against the idea of the antidepressant, especially when I think of those dreams and every antidepressant I've ever been on (three so far) have caused the same dreams and honestly if they don't help I'll get off of them and see what else can be done. I know I have to give them time and I will. I know that no pill in this world is going to change the fact that DT is president but I have to come to grips with it and I have to be able to live in this world because it's the only one I have unless I choose to join a nunnery or something and shut the world out completely and I don't foresee that happening.
Not with grandchildren.
Not with loved ones like this.
So anyway, here I am and I feel as if I should apologize because I don't have anything of inspiration or humor to relate, nothing, nothing at all. The only thing bringing a smile to my face these days are the Biden/Obama memes on Facebook and that's a damn bittersweet smile. I'm sure you've seen them. Here's a link for some of them.
I think it's the spirit of Joe Biden we all need to channel right now. God knows that man has been beat down and kicked in the ass so many times in ways that most of us will never know and yet, there he is, cool and crisp and standing beside his president and it seems as if their relationship is one of genuine respect and goddammit, they just seem to enjoy each other. I've certainly never seen a president/vice president relationship like this in my lifetime. And hell- if Joe can keep going to work and looking so sharp, well, maybe we can muddle through the best we can.
Or something like that.
How was that for inspiration and humor?
Well, they don't pay me for nothing.
Keep doing whatever it is you're doing to cope. We're going to get through this. Perhaps not gracefully or easily but we will. And we can't let the bastards win.