Sunday, February 2, 2014

It's Sunday So Let's Discuss Anxiety, Depression, Breast Feeding, Aliens, And Mexico

Last night all was well and lovely and then, all of a sudden, as if someone reached behind me and flipped a switch, the anxiety poured in.
Now how can that be? Nothing changed. I absolutely had to get ready for bed and crawl in and burrow down and was too exhausted to keep my eyes open for long enough to read more than a few pages and I fell asleep. I woke up to find it lingering today.
I am so tired of this.


The world continues to turn, chunks of star and planets hurtle themselves through the cosmos. Do you think that perhaps part of our genetic make-up comes from a world so far away which is entirely water and that is why every culture has the myth of mermaids? I do not see why not. We are stardust, they say, and we are monkeys and mermaids, we are apes and we are aliens. Our bodies are so finely tuned and work mostly well but where do hives come from and where does mental illness come from and where do dreams of mermaids come from and why do our spines give us such fits when we have evolved on this planet where the gravity is what it is and always been for so much longer than we've been around? And why does every culture not only have myths of mermaids but ways of changing consciousness whether through the ingestion of substances or of meditation or dance or drumming or art?

The newspaper reports today that things at our local hospital are changing. The new policy on L&D is to encourage all women to breastfeed! In order to support this they are going to be making sure, if possible, that all babies get laid skin-to-skin on their mothers' chests immediately after birth, rooming-in will be encouraged and babies will not be given anything by mouth except for breast milk unless medically needed. On-demand feeding will be encouraged.
Oh my. Really?
It was because some of us mothers wanted these very things and were denied them in a hospital setting almost forty years ago that we decided to just skip the whole hospital thing and have our babies at home. Imagine!
Of course I am thrilled that finally things are changing but must they act as if they themselves (the medical professionals?) had invented these ideas and are being so very forward-thinking by implementing them as policy?
Sometimes I get so angry. Sometimes I have no hope for the human race at all. Sometimes I think we are nothing more than a not-very-successful genetic experiment between apes and aliens. Seriously. I do. And that the aliens have been and are observing us for lo these many years, tweaking here, perhaps, or maybe not at all, just letting the experiment run its course and when we have managed to annihilate our planet they will simply take their final notes and shrug and move on to the ten billionth other planet where they have similar experiments going on. This makes as much sense as anything to me. It explains so much, up to and including pyramids and religions and Ann Coulter as well as the woman Mr. Moon and I saw in Cozumel who was, without a doubt, at least half alien, her face a stunning match for all of those descriptions of the Grays, her body clothed in the uniform of the park guards at San Gervasio, the ruins in Cozumel.
And we were not drunk or stoned, just tourists who were buying our tickets one morning to explore Las Ruinas.

Ah well.

As I have said at least a thousand times, I do not know shit. You can take that to the bank.

I believe I am in desperate need of some of this:

And this.

 And especially this.

And some of these.

And yes, even this.

I feel as if I just self-medicated. 

Sunday. Where we need all the help we can get from wherever we may find it.

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. Oh, I'm so angry about it too. So stupid.

    Beautiful photos, ohhh, my.

  2. oh, I haven't been to Cozumel in so long. I could definitely do some of that.

  3. I had my older son 19 years ago this month in a little hospital in Northern Ireland where they still rolled around a cart in the maternity ward(!) filled with all the different formulas...There was a nursing consultant but she was only available part time, was pretty inexperienced and had no children of her own. Boy I had a couple tough nights! I was put in an empty room with a rocking chair because we were bothering all the other mamas...just till I could get him to stop crying, then back to the ward.But they called him a bonny wee man child in that cute accent so I didn't commit any crazy acts of violence..! I went through hell getting us into a nursing routine and then didn't wean him till he was three and a half. Sheesh!

  4. I hope you get a healthy serving of everything in those photos. And here's this. I read it and thought about your chickens:

  5. Uggh. Sounds like a hard day. Nap time! That's what I always say.

  6. That photo of you and Mr. Moon, I clicked and made it big and looked at it a long time. You are so beautiful, the two of you, and sooooo romantic (swoon). It positively glows, the love you share. It's absolutely beautiful.

    And I had a thought: Let's see if I can explain it properly. Ever since that anonymous blogger left that horrible insensitive comment about your having nothing to be depressed or anxious about, I think you have been fighting what you feel, being angry at it and maybe judging it instead of being gentle with it, being loving with it, with yourself, really, when what you might need is to say ohhh this is how I'm feeling, and it will pass but for right now I honor this sadness, this worry, this fear, and to say, well there you are again, that old familiar sadness, anxiety, unsettled feeling, and then don't fight it so much as let it flow right on through. I don't know; I think that anonymous comment did you psychic harm, and I wonder if you have been able to fully release it yet, and if not, I hope you will today, I hope you will just send it sailing away from you, that meanness, and know you are so loved, you are so honored, so embraced, and it's okay to feel whatever it is you feel on any given day, and our arms are around you, holding you, always.

    So much love.

  7. Jo- A hell of a lot of wasted time, huh?

    Ellen Abbott- And there is so much more.

    Big Mamabird- No one tells you how hard you fall in love with breastfeeding. That's like...icky? I don't know. But it's true. I did. Sounds like you did too. Good for you!

    Nancy- Ha! I am certainly not a chicken whisperer. I am a chicken caller and they come because,

    Betsy- Had a meeting (I swear! Can you believe it!) during naptime. Oh well. That just means I can go to bed that much earlier.

    Angella- Well, that was a few years back. We're a lot more grizzled now. Still, I'd love to give it all a shot.
    I don't know if I really am holding on to that remark. It made me feel both angry and guilty. No more guilty than probably anyone feels for being depressed or anxious when HEY! YOU HAVE A GREAT LIFE!
    As I say, that almost makes it worse. I've pretty much given up on worrying about that shit. These feelings are what they are and I have them and that's all there is to it. I don't think I'm fighting them as much as I'm just wishing they weren't here because they feel like the suck and they're exhausting and my life IS beautiful and dammit, I want to be able to enjoy it.
    I sure do love you, woman. I surely do.

  8. I think your prescription is just what the doctor ordered.

    I love the title of this post.

    So glad you write and publish. Thank you.

  9. I can add nothing here except the picture of you with Mr. Moon is gorgeous. The white dress flowing around you, the bracelets, your hair and the kiss shared between two lovers... it is stunning. Didn't Mr Moon say he was taking you? When will that be? It is nice to know what soothes your soul most of the time. Sweet Jo

  10. Glad I'm off base. I sure do love you too. xo

  11. What I think is that you're the most intelligent, funny and lovable person with anxiety that I have ever encountered. You help me each day -- I'm not sure that you are aware of what you do for many of us, but that's a fact.

    Onward (hopefully, to Cozumel)!

  12. I didn't know that someone commented that there was nothing in your life to be anxious or depressed about. How insensitive!

    I've found that even if you have something to be angry or anxious or depressed about people will tell you to look on the bright side. It's infuriating.

    I recently had an experience that fed my anxiety and made my home no longer feel like a haven. The majority of people who have heard the story say I should be grateful it happened.

    They don't understand that the anxiety isn't rational, it just is. And coping with it can be overwhelming.

    I read your posts and think how brave you are when you write about your feelings. Ignore the naysayer and keep being brave. :)

  13. Hah, Cozumel seems to always do it for you. Maybe it's time to book a ticket or two. Gorgeous photograph indeed. Forever lovers and soulmates.

  14. Those pictures were therapy for me today, thank you. I love the one of you and Mr. Moon kissing. Sigh.

  15. Reya- Thank YOU! I truly appreciate those words.

    Angella- Oh, you know- it's probably still there, niggling and naggling at my subconscious. Along with all the other garbage.

    Elizabeth- And it is a most fair trade as you help me too. Every day. In one way or another.

    Shannon- On my way to read about your situation. And hell- anyone who thinks anxiety or depression can be controlled by thinking logically has obviously never experienced either. Oh if only logic WAS involved!

    Photocat- I am going to get serious about planning this trip. I mean it. I can't wait for my neurons to align themselves properly once again.

    Mel- We were so pretty. AS I said, that was a few years ago.


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