So I laid there and thought to myself, "Today I am going to accept with gratefulness all of the love and goodness which comes to me."
Not for the love and goodness. I drown in those things. Just the part where I accept them. And I guess where they make me happy. Or something.
I'm realizing that I am not a sweet old woman. I am a curmudgeon and getting more curmudgeonly all the time. I think I am probably a real pain in the ass to live with. However, in my defense, let me say that I am like an iceberg in that probably nine tenths of how I truly feel I try to keep below the water line. If I released my true depths of negativity, the world might come to an end.
Well, not really. I'm not THAT much of a narcissist.
Anyway, la-di-dah and it's morning in Lloyd and I'm not sure what I'm doing today. I'm not sure what I'm doing in my life either but that's another topic. It's one of those days where I know that my mind is not functioning properly or perhaps it's my spirit although I'm not sure I believe in spirit today except of course I do. I think.
Okay. Change the subject. On the island I finished reading a book I'd been enjoying for awhile. It's called The Teleportation Accident and was written by Ned Beauman and it's hysterically funny (well, it was to me) and it's a little Richard Brautigan, a little Kurt Vonnegut, a little...oh, I don't know. I'm not a fucking book reviewer. But it'll take you places and drop you off and pick you up and swirl you on to the next place. It's got cocaine, Hitler, LA back in the early days, and of course a teleportation device as well as sex and lust and desire and monkey glands.
I am now determined to read the author's first book which is called Boxer, Beetle.
I am infuriated to read that Mr. Beauman is all of twenty-eight years old and thus, I sort of hate him.
I hate him in the way that I hate the designer Johnny Was who makes beautiful clothing which I can't afford but which other rich bitches can and I hate them too.
Well, that's enough negativity for now. Perhaps one needs to repeat affirmations more than once. Perhaps it is a situation not unlike taking the garbage (which I actually need to do) which one has to do ALL THE DAMN TIME. And with sincerity.
Happy Monday, y'all.