Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Did I Wake Up In The Wrong Universe?

I gotta move. I gotta get going. I gotta take the trash and take a walk and take the world by storm.
No, not really. Not the world by storm. That's not going to happen.
When did ladies' breasts start to be appreciated for their unnatural appearance? Plasticine boobies. Like this.

I think that's a Kardashian. I have no fucking idea to tell you the truth. But look at those tits. They're not even tits any more. 
Whatever. Each to his or her own. 
Maybe I'm just jealous. If you have plastic titties, you probably don't have to wear a bra. They're just going to stick up there all the time. Maybe not. I don't know. 

I really do have a million things to do today and here I sit. I'll pay you fifty dollars to go take my walk for me. My legs and hips hurt too much to walk and yet, I will do it anyway. I'll pay you twenty dollars to tell me what to cook for dinner which doesn't involve going to the store. I'll pay you a thousand dollars to go to the store for me tomorrow and get everything we're going to need to go to Dog Island. Jessie and Vergil are coming in tomorrow and somehow they and Mr. Moon and I and Lily and the boys (Jason has to work) are going to load up and go over to the island for the weekend which will require approximately ten thousand dollars worth of food and drink. 
Hyperbole much? 

Have you seen this?

Yet another damn Wes Anderson movie that I'm not in. 
What is Wes thinking? He is not thinking of me. Which breaks my poor old heart. Wes! I'm getting old here. Time's a'wastin'!

Okay. I just got this comment on a post I wrote on December 19th, 2009:

We finially baptized our 15 year old daughter last june at our parish and dressed her in the traditional white,poofy,top of the knees,baptism dress with the matching bonnet,white tights and white 'mary jane' shoes.Instead of the normal disposable diaper under her tights,she chose to wear a cloth diaper and rubber pants under them.she looked very cute and gorgeous in the outfit and some of the photos we took of her didnt turn out so we only have a few photos gathered from friends and relatives.

It was written by Anonymous. Because of the miracles of technology, I know that Anonymous is from St. Paul, Minnesota and found my post, which is entitled "What To Wear To A Baptism" by googling, "what I wore for my Catholic teen baptism." Do you think this is some sort of sex thing? Do fifteen-year-olds truly wear diapers under their tights (they wear tights?) when they get baptized? Somehow I don't think so. 
Could anything be more random than this? I am going to be pondering this all day. Is it a secret message? 

I think I better go take the trash. 
It might be a strange day.

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. I hope it was a typo, and that the commenter's daughter is 15 months, not 15 years. The fact that the parents "dressed her" suggest toddlerhood. "Choosing" her style of diaper could mean that mom held up both styles, asked "which one?", and the kid pointed to the cloth one--or threw a tantrum over being diapered with the disposable. But perhaps most suggestive of toddlerhood rather than teenhood is the photos being limited to those taken by friends and relatives. If the girl was 15 years old, she'd have her own selfies posted on the internet before her dress was even dry.

    And if not,I don't even want to think about it.

  2. Anonymous- Also? The commenter googled "Catholic teen baptism". No. I don't think that was a typo.

  3. Yikes. Thanks for the morning queasy quotient.

  4. I'm thinking there's a whole lot of people who have no idea what real boobs look like. I can't for the life of me understand why anyone thinks half a melon stuck on your chest looks natural, but like you said, to each her own. My mother was one of the first people to get fake boobs. she went from flat to humongous (I got the smallest ones she would tell everyone). by the time she was an old woman they had sunk to the bottom of her rib cage but they still stood out there.

  5. I saw a pair of old plastic titties - either in a movie or at the beach - I am no longer sure and it was excruciatingly sad. The plastic was up high but the skin and nipples and whatever might be left inside an old scrawny tit was sagging below. I wasn't aware that they were able to attach the plastic to anything so I have no idea why it stayed up high while everything else drooped. I'm actually kind of surprised that they haven't come up with an "inside" shelf bra that would just boost up the sagging boobs - or those overly well endowed.

  6. That woman reminds me of Jerry Hall - except if so she's AWFULLY well preserved!

    I'm sorry, but I think it would take more than $1,000 for me to buy anyone else's groceries for them. Well, maybe I would do it if I got to go on the trip too...

  7. Well...seems like it's already off to a good start for a strange day. Another weekend away! Another Wes Anderson movie! Another walk! Some days its just another after another.
    I would go shopping and cook you dinner if I could, free of charge.

  8. Elizabeth- Just sharin' the love, honey. Sharing the love.

    Ellen Abbott- One of the most bizarre things I ever saw was an older woman with huge fake tits. They stuck out like, yes, melons, but her skin was...well, old and wrinkled. It really was the definition of "unnatural".

    Jean- See above. You just never forget a sight like that. I think they can put them in so that the muscle is involved, thus keeping those puppies in place. Not sure about this though.

    The Bug- Nope. Not Jerry. I do think it's a Kardashian. I'll manage the shopping. Sigh...

    Ms. Yo- I am cooking pinto beans. My favorite. All is well. I adore you. Thank you.

  9. What a post to wake up to and your first comment too... Anyway, everything will get done as it always does until it doesn't (I sound like you today). I am tired today. I sniffled all night and don't want to move but must... I hope your day gets less strange as it progresses and I say let the kids do all the work in getting stuff packed for Dog Island -- especially since you are preparing the food. Sweet Jo

  10. At the airport where I gave up on my hair and donned a hat that looks like a cake.



  11. Sweet Jo- I am tired today too and have no excuse. I slept like a sleeping sleep beast. The kids will probably help cook. They are good kids. I hope your day is turning out all right. I really do, dear.

    Rebecca- Your comment made me feel as if I won an Academy Award which, unless Wes Anderson gets on the stick, I never will. Vaya con Animal Gods, dear.

  12. I'm sorry to say that yes, that was a sex thing.

    Like I said: sorry.

    Something about you just clicked for me when I read the Wes Anderson thing. I honestly think you'd be brilliant in one of his films. A perfect marriage. And I feel like I get you now, even more than before.

  13. Perhaps we are discussing a special needs 15 year-old? Typically Catholic baptisms are done in infancy...baptism of a teenager would be unusual outside of special circumstances, and a teenager who needed any kind of diapers would definitely qualify. Just my 2c.

  14. Doh! Wow. I'm laughing out loud. And snorting. 15 eh? It seems to me the anonymous comments are alway the most fascinating. Maybe she really was 15 and wheelchair bound or something? Or somehow mentally disabled. And if so i shouldn't be laughing. But you tell the story so well!

  15. And yes. I think that's Kim Kardashian. Plastic boobs and all. I don't get the fake boob thing either. Mine are a little saggy at 50. But they're mine and i kinda like 'em.

  16. Ms. Vesuvius- I know it is. Some weird fetish I've never even considered. Lord, what a crazy world.
    And yes, I think I would be great in a Wes Anderson movie. Now...if I could just convince Wes.

    Mama D- No. I really do not think it was a special needs kids. Bonnet? Nah. Fetish.

    Mary- See above.

  17. Clearly, the aliens have invaded and were not briefed (no pun intended) by the mother ship. They're among us, you know. And they might have plastic boobs. Be careful out there.

  18. They dressed a 15 year old? If I even suggest she my 15 year old puts on a coat she sighs, rolls her eyes then goes and changes into something like a tank top to spite me.
    And a diaper? I don't know, Ms. Moon. we live in a strange world. When my kids told me that grown men are now collecting My Little Pony I gave up thinking that there was hope for the world.

    Those boobs? They could take an eye out.

  19. I want Kim K. to put those things away. They are weapons of all kinds of destruction. I also don't like the blond hair.

    That comment gave me the heebie jeebies. That is just frought with peril on so, so many levels. Diaper? Cute? Eeew. Gross. So gross.

    I'd pay someone to wash my dishes. I really, really, really don't like washing dishes.

    Hey! What did Hank ever name his cat? Did he take the gnarly names I offered like Maury Povich?

  20. LOL -- that is so WEIRD. I thought at first it was a typo too, until I realized the kid CHOSE to wear a certain diaper, allegedly. And then the Googling confirmed the weirdness. I just have to stop there.

    It's always a bit dangerous to learn how people found your blog. The things people search for on the Internet are just....scary.

  21. I can't imagine the baptism thing as described, but there are weirder things that happen in the name of religion. What do I know? Not a thing about the rites of the church .


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.