Tuesday, October 8, 2013

I Don't Ask For Much

When I had lunch with Freddy last week we discussed what are commonly called "First World Problems" or as I sometimes call them, "Middle-Class White Woman Problems" or as Freddy sometimes calls them, "Champagne Problems."

Whatever you want to call them, I have one.

My favorite Eight O'Clock coffee doesn't seem to be available at "my" Publix any more which means that I need to drive to a different Publix to try and get the stuff, and I need to do it NOW because it goes off buy-one-get-one-free on Thursday. I really don't understand this. All of a sudden they've got all these new flavors of Eight O'Clock brand coffee PLUS an Italian Roast Espresso which hey! I'm excited about but I need my dark Italian Roast regular ground.
Okay. I just looked it up on the Google and according to the Eight O'Clock web site, a description of the Dark Italian Roast Espresso ground says "While it is perfect for an espresso brewer it will also create a strong and satisfying pot of coffee in a traditional drip coffee maker."
What is going on with these people? They've muddied their waters with all of these flavors including chocolate cherry and cinnamon bun and to hell with that! I want my coffee to be coffee-flavored. Not hazelnut, not French vanilla and certainly not caramel macchi-fucking-ato.
If I want something flavored like a cinnamon bun, I'll buy a cinnamon bun.

See? First World Problems. And I'm probably supporting the destruction of the rain forest as well as slavery by buying coffee to begin with as if guilt wasn't already my default emotion.

So now I have to get dressed and get in my car and drive past my usual exit where MY Publix is and go on to the next exit and get off and deal with traffic and go to a different Publix to see if they have the regular dark Italian Roast and try to buy as many bags of it as I can and that's ridiculous. Just ridiculous.

First the government shut down and now this.

It's a beautiful coolish morning here in Lloyd and the boys are coming at 1:30 and I'm glad because I miss them like crazy. I feel better as I always do after I suffer through one of these episodes of what I am fairly convinced is some sort of auto-immune disorder or Chronic Fatigue or one of those things for which there is no cure. Life. The squirrels are skittering about the yard and branch-diving and generally staying busy with their fall activities and Mr. Moon just called to report in on various car-related topics and I'm going to make a pot of split pea and vegetable soup for our supper.

This is all I ask and more than I could dream of- to feel halfway decent, to have my grandchildren coming over, to make a pot of soup, to have a sweet man to love me.

Well. That and a huge stash of dark Italian Roast coffee in my cabinet. And to lose thirty pounds and to see world peace in my lifetime and to have a drink with Keith Richards.
And maybe just a little casita on the beach in Cozumel and a ruby ring and oh, just a touch of plastic surgery and a cherry-restored 1968 Karmann Ghia convertible with a Porsche engine and Universal Healthcare and a book deal and some new fat hens who lay eggs and perhaps, if it's not asking too much, a personal and meaningful relationship with Bill Murray.

That's all.

Good morning, y'all.

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. I feel your pain on the "First World Problem" of having Publix stop selling your favorites. They will order it for you, but I doubt that solves the bogo thing.

    I will be passing by Lloyd on Thursday, I will wave your way at the exit.

  2. Yah is it with flavored coffee? If I want hazelnut, I'll eat hazelnuts or caramel or what the fuck ever. Just give me plain coffee, strong and black. In fact make it strong enough to walk to me.

  3. A few years ago the Powers That Be discontinued Doritoss ketchup flavoured chips. I am still hanging on to resentment.

  4. I'm not a coffee drinker at all, but I feel the same way about all the new vodka's -- strawberry vodka, chocolate vodka, yada yada. NO. If I want a strawberry, I will eat a strawberry with my vodka.

  5. I'm at least with you on the Karman-Ghia. And it would need the Porsche engine, since the stock engine pretty much sucked.
    Hate flavoured coffee.
    Have a nice day.

  6. Rise up Ms. Moon. Don't put up with any of this coffee conspiracy!

  7. That was such a great post. Reading it made me smile from ear-to-ear. And personally, not being able to find one's favorite coffee is, at least I think, WAY worse than those damn assholes in congress and the government shutdown.

    I love youse,


  8. You can order it from Amazon, then you don't need to leave the house. The local stores discontinued the garlic pepper we use alot, but it's on Amazon.


  9. Don't look at me with your coffee problems - the mister sent me to the store to stock up for him & I brought home decaf. Poor guy. :)

  10. Your wish list is good. I hope you at least get your coffee today. I have to agree about coffee - Bethany, did you post something about jelly donut flavour coffee the other day? The world has gone mad.

  11. Didn't you announce tos BOGOR the other day? Maybe everyone ran for it and left you hig and dry. Those B's! I hope you have fun with your boys! Sweet Jo

  12. Ya gotta have dreams, right?
    My 1st world shopping dilemma: What the hell, Gatorade, all I'm trying to do is rehydrate a skinny old woman--what is all this G1 G2 shit? You're confusing me, Gatorade.

  13. The whole grocery store thing brings me to my knees, frankly.The choices -- the retail anxiety -- the environmental shit. Oy.

    But you should know that I'm reading this at night, and it might be the first time I've smile and laughed ALL day, especially at the line about Bill Murray.

  14. Gail- Publix would give us rain checks. They're like that. I'll think of you on Thursday.

    Ellen Abbott- That's pretty much sums it up.

    Birdie- It's always the good stuff they discontinue. Why?

    SJ- I think all these flavors are for children. And children don't need to be drinking either coffee or vodka. Jesus.

    Bob- We saw a restored Karmann Ghia a few weeks ago and it reminded me of how I've always wanted one and it was just gorgeous. GORGEOUS!

    Jill- I refuse to participate in such foolishness.

    Ms. Bastard-Beloved- I think maybe they've been drinking too much flavored vodka in the government. I love you so much.

    Allison- Ha! I checked that out too! It's a good era to be an agoraphobe in. Things can be delivered to our doors. Plus, yeah, Amazon has everything.

    The Bug- Is he talking divorce yet?

    Jo- Well, each to her own and some people love flavored coffee and that's fine but DON'T STOP MAKING THE REGULAR! PLEASE!

    Sweet Jo- It turns out that some loony woman (not me!) went around town and bought up almost all the Italian Roast. Can you believe it? I hope it's not my fault.

    Denise- Gatorade is like a science experiment these days. Seriously. I feel your pain.

    Elizabeth- Nothing could make me happier than making you smile.

  15. LOL on your wish list. Yeah, I pretty much have Champagne Problems too.

  16. OH, I hate that about your coffee and I get it. My "Train" brand wine (yes, as in the singing group, Train) was at a taste booth at my grocery store. I tried it, fell in love and have been buying it for months. I thought it would always be available. Nope. It's dwindling down now and they do not have anymore "Drops of Jupiter" which was my favorite kind. Such is life.


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.