Monday, October 28, 2013

They Were Proud Of Their Crab Claws

We never made it to Trader Joe's today. After a lunch and a quick swing through Whole Foods, both Lily and I, not to mention the boys, had had enough retailing and we still had to go to Costco.
Whole Foods simply overwhelmed me. I didn't even look at the prices except for what they were asking for their stone crab claws. Want to hear? For the colossals, they were asking (and I suppose getting) $49.99 a pound. A POUND, PEOPLE! No, I didn't buy any. What we did buy was two bunches of "living" basil (which I came home and planted in dirt- why the fuck not? it has roots) and a small pumpkin for Owen to have as his own. It was just overwhelming and once again, I was amazed at what we Americans think of as healthy food as I looked around at all of the packaged, processed goods. Look- just because something is made out of lentils instead of potatoes, if it's fried and salted, it's not going to be that good for you. Even the hot bar's sliced and grilled or baked or whatever-it-was squash was swimming in oil and I kept thinking of back in the day when I did Weight Watcher classes and how people would cry and moan because all they'd been eating were salads and yet, they weren't losing weight and when I asked them what constituted a salad in their world, would not be surprised at all to hear about the cheese, the croutons, the olives, the eggs, the beans, the half a cup of "lite" ranch dressing.
"Might as well get the hamburger and fries," I told them. "Less calories."
Somehow, just the very presence of lettuce (or these days, kale) makes one feel virtuous and that's crap and we know it.
Well, whatever. I will probably go back at some point and be stunned and amazed at the different brands of almond milk and hummus and so forth and I'm really looking forward to my virgin journey to Trader Joe's which everyone seems to love.

Costco was Costco and we made it through there without incident. Well, okay, there was a little more yogurt smoothie and hot chocolate on the floor after we left than before we got there but hey! No blood, no foul. Lily went to work and I stayed with the boys for awhile and it was a sweet time. While I was there, Billy and I did a little texting and you know how much I love Billy's texts. It's about to be Waylon's birthday and we were discussing his little party, among other things.

Oh, Billy.
If only he would start his own blog. My god. He would be famous in a month.

Well, it's one of those evenings where I am savoring the prospect of taking a shower and getting in the bed under my fifty-eight pounds of covers and reading for awhile. I am looking forward to that with almost obscene anticipation.

Not as obscene as someone paying fifty dollars a pound for crab claws, but that's a whole other world inhabited by entirely different human beings than I am personally familiar with and when Mr. Moon and I move to Apalachicola, should that day ever come, I will go out in the boat and pull crab traps with him and I will eat those crab claws with lusty glee.

Night, y'all.

Sweet dreams.


  1. "No blood, no foul!" I'm still laughing as I picture that sweep through the obscenely expensive Whole Foods (owned by a Libertarian, BTW). You will love Trader Joe's, but don't get too obscenely anticipatory about the produce - unless it's different for FL than for Oregon. Last thing: I'm wondering what it is you're reading that makes you so thrilled to go to bed and continue.

  2. Andrea- I'm reading a book called The Child's Child by Ruth Rendell, writing under the pseudonym Barbara Vine. The book is good enough but mostly it's just the reading-in-bed thing. I love that so.

  3. I am the exact same way about reading in my bed under covers. I'm off to do the same.

    You'll love TJs and you need to get those tiny ice cream cones they have. Boys'll love them.

  4. Whole Paycheck. Trader Joe's will be exactly the same as The Pig with different packaging all comes from the same outlets.

  5. Yeah, I can't afford to shop at Whole Foods but I do shop regularly at TJ's for certain items and then use a regular grocery store. Though I wish I could buy all organic, I can't. Anyway, I've never been to a Publix and for all I know they have everything plus all these gifts you are going to buy for Waylon too, Your bed sounds warm and like I could live there and do without much food. Enjoy your night! Sweet Jo

  6. Fifty dollars a pound?! That is INSANE. And of course the poor crabs don't benefit at all!

  7. Trader Joe's is so much cheaper! I switched my grocery shopping from Sprouts to them and saved a lot of money.

  8. I used to go to Whole Foods pretty regularly to buy some sort of dried fruit stuff they had & then I always had to buy one of their huge everything but the kitchen sink cookies. But yeah - too pricey for me. I don't need the temptation.

  9. Whole Paycheck is what a friend of mine used to call Whole Foods. Anything I pay 50.00 bucks a pound for better make me high---and 20 years younger.

  10. And ditto what Andrea said about TJ's produce. It's all packaged pretty much. I do love their avocados and their boxes of peaches though. T.J.'s is the place for pantry items--lots of organic stuff. And nuts. Nuts about the nuts.

  11. Yep, everyone knows that Whole Foods is aka Whole Paycheck. Trader Joe's is somewhat better on prices, but the same unhealthy crap is being sold as "organic" or "non-gmo". If you take a perfectly good vegetable, roll it in batter and fry it, it's unhealthy. Sugar is still sugar no matter where it came from or if it's raw or processed.

    I go to Kroger or Aldi and shop the outside aisle of the store. If the food has been processed anywhere other than your kitchen, you probablyl shouldn't consider it food.

  12. SJ- Everything that everyone mentions they love at Trader Joe's sounds like something I DO NOT NEED TO EAT.

    Rebecca- I used to buy all sorts of weird organic food at Big Lots for so cheap. I have a feeling that Trader Joe's is going to be like that only a lot classier.

    Sweet Jo- My bed calls to me all day long. It is hard to resist its allure. Publix doesn't have much in the way of toys but I could probably find Waylon something dangerous there. Some scissors he could run with?

    Steve Reed- These were the biggest crab claws I've ever seen. Did you know that they don't kill the entire crab to get the claws? They can take the claws (that must hurt) and then the crab regrows them. Which is sort of better.

    Maggie May- We do not have Sprouts here.

    Bug- Dammit. Now you have me thinking about cookies. I'm glad I did not see them yesterday.

    Denise- I hear you, sister-woman. I hear you.

    Lisa- Exactly as I think. Take a perfectly fine food and process all the good out of it and there you are- crap.

  13. That reminds me of when McDonalds were told they had to start serving healthy alternatives so they began selling side salad with dressing containing more calories than a Big Mac itself. As always, the human race wants to do the bare minimum in order to stay healthy - the mere presence of green puts them at ease. Kind of like the young girls that go to the gym to gossip!

    Maybe you could move by the sea and start your own business selling crab claws for $50? A lucrative business venture I must say!

  14. i think we spend about $50 a week on food- total.

    the other day in costco tony grabbed me some cat litter. i guess the bag had a small hole in it, and it took the costco dude like 10 minutes to track us down, tracing the trail of litter left behind our cart. the dude cleaned it up and then pushed the cart back to pets so we could get another sack of cat litter.

    it was an adventure.


  15. I did not know that, about crab claws. I thought the whole ordeal was pretty much fatal for the crabs. So that IS encouraging, though I still think the crabs get the short end of the stick.

  16. We do the Costco thing which wears me out--too big and too much stuff. When Trader Joe's moved to town, it was a big draw. Been in there a few times.

    Stone crab claws must be made of gold. I can buy a pound off the local crabber when I am on the boat for $10. He comes by to fish his traps near the anchorage. And Steve is right--if the claw isn't taken correctly, the crab will bleed out and die.

  17. Wayne- If I had to get those crab claws, I probably would charge fifty dollars a pound for them. And you are right about the salads at McDonald's. What a bunch of bullshit.

    Steve Reed- I agree.

    Syd- That sounds horrible for the crab. But they're so delicious! I'm such a hypocrite.


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