Another day, another path to navigate, each one so similar, yet each one so different, the light perhaps less bright or falling from a different angle, giving a strange perspective when one thought that the view was fairly clear by this time.
Today everything is making me weepy. An e-mail from a friend. A video from Cozumel where the speaker says, "Yes, we are scared," but goes on to say that we must all love each other, remember the beauty. The ocean is behind him and two fish swim by, naked to the eye in the clear Caribbean waters completely unaware of anything except that suddenly their home, the sea, is empty of humans and their boats. This makes me cry too, for so many reasons. In the background I can hear the sweet melodious whistle of the black birds who live there and I tear up again.
I can't seem to move today. Oh, sure, I can move. But my mind is absolutely gone away somewhere and the simplest things have become so complex, requiring what seems to be Einsteinian thought processes and I just had to look up how to spell Einstein.
My husband keeps suggesting things we can do together that would take us off the property but safely isolated, and my reaction is always swift and horrified. I want to scream at him- don't take me away from my safety! My safety is not only this space, it is my routine, as small and meaningless as it is.
None of this is logical.
It's early evening now. My "regular" time to write. Another part of my ironclad routine.
The day has gotten better. Jessie and the boys dropped off jade plant starters at Lily's house and while there, the boys got to see Pepper and Jessie fell in love and now she wants a Pepper sibling. We'll see how that goes. Here's a picture of Sammy and Pepper that Lily sent this morning.
Dog friends. One old man. One little girl. I think they will be happy together.
Jessie also dropped off an N95 mask for Lily that Vergil had for dusty work. It won't protect anyone from her but it will protect her from others better than anything I could make and besides, it turns out that homemade masks are not acceptable for employees. Lily does report that Publix is giving everyone raises which will stay in place after this is all over and that every employee will get a $50 gift card for groceries each week for the duration.
Better than nothing. Much needed.
Jessie also picked up a bottle of alcohol that Jason had been able to score at his Publix and she brought that and a mask for us and a jade plant for me and a cutting of Swedish ivy.
Oh, my heart when I saw those baby boys! I wanted more than anything in this world to pick up Levon and hold him close to me, even though I know that's not exactly what Levon would probably want. I wanted to let August snuggle up to me while I read him a book and I wanted to hold Jessie in my arms, heart-to-heart.
Instead, Mr. Moon brought out the baby chicks for the boys to see.
August wanted to hold them. Levon did not. He seems to know quite clearly that things are off and yet, of course, he's too young to even grasp the small amount of the big picture that his brother can.
There was some mulberry picking and garden admiring and Jessie got some collards and mustards to cook for their supper tonight. It started to rain a bit while they were here and so Jessie packed them up in the car to go home. Before August got buckled in, I got this series of pictures.
Oh, those boys.
"Good-bye, good-bye!" we called when they left. "We love you!"
"Good-bye," they answered out of the open windows.
And I cried a little more.
It began to rain a bit more seriously and although we did not get nearly as much as I would have liked, it made a beautiful hour or so for a nap.
I had one goal today which was to go through my cabinets and see what it is that I really have and don't have. Of course I never accomplished that. But I did get through the day without breaking down. I made sure that the chickens were all fed and tended and given water. I got to see Jessie and the boys. I got to rest in my husband's arms while the rain fell softly outside. I found a book to listen to which I think is going to be amazing. I'll let you know about that.
The rain was part of a "cold front" that's coming through. It's already cool enough that we've turned off the air conditioner and have opened the house. It's supposed to get down to 48 degrees tonight, 46 tomorrow. I may put the duck on the bed for one last bit of luxurious warmth before summer assaults us with its hot wet breath.
Lily just texted the group saying, "Can we talk about how hard it is to get Owen to do anything because he just wants to cuddle the puppy?"
With this picture.
It's very hard to blame the boy and he's always been a gentle, loving soul who loves little ones.
Okay. That's quite enough of my rambling. Let me know how you're doing, from the tears to the fears to the beers to the quiet appreciation of the sweetness we may encounter as these strange days progress, as we continue down this unexpected path.
Another busy day at work. I'm off tomorrow which is nice. I'm so sorry your anxiety is so high. It seems that everyone's fears have come to fruition. I told the big guy on the ride home that it's been two weeks at work now and already the new normal is becoming normal. My anxiety level has gone down too which is nice. Eventually the new normal will feel more comfortable.ReplyDelete
I'm glad you got to see your grandkids and rest in your husband's arms. Take care Mary.
Each day recently has been a rollercoaster of emotions for me. Upbeat then anxious as hell then pissy. I started going through my pantry yesterday. I guess I'm taking my time because I have a countertop full of canned goods right now. Maybe tomorrow I'll put them all back in a nice tidy manner. Glad to hear that Publix is doing some extras for their employees.ReplyDelete
Oh, those sweet children! I think new puppies at a time like this will be so good for all the kids.ReplyDelete
I wrote a cheerful blog post this morning but then proceeded to have a fearful, anxiety ridden day. I'm just trying to hang on and not despair, but it's getting harder and harder.
I wish for you a good night's sleep and a better day tomorrow. Love to you and your beautiful family.
it's so hard to imagine a world where a grandma can't hug her grandkids but that's the COVID reality we live in. may we all stay well and ty again for your words of wisdom earlier.ReplyDelete
stay woke, stay home, stay alive.
I love that you had kids and puppies and husband today despite high anxiety.I'm sending you and your family a hug from afar. Anxiety seems the new normal for me too.ReplyDelete
Glad you could at least see the children, even if not hold them.ReplyDelete
That puppy doesn't have that problem!
It’s all very unpredictable which matches the world these days. I bought some food plants and some other random plants and being outside makes me happy. As does watching the crazy ass squirrels in the backyard swinging from the bird feeder. And filling the feeders has brought a number of birds to the yard, and I can see them out the window while I work. I am counting each blessing.ReplyDelete
I can see the strangeness in Levon's face. I'm so glad for Lily, her work is standing by and helping out employees.ReplyDelete
Levon does look as if he’s wondering why Mer is keeping her distance. Such a hard thing to not just scoop him up. Owen, a boy and his dog. It’s really quite magical.ReplyDelete
I'm with you on the missing brain and how little seems to get done each day. I've gotten completely dependent on lists and every day 2/3 of the list gets carried over to the next day. Otherwise things are settling; anxiety goes up and down. So lovely to end the day with reading how other people are coping, feeling we're all in this together.ReplyDelete
P.S. My son sent me this very nerdy comic, that made me feel a little better about the virus.ReplyDelete
That is excellent!Delete
That is one lucky puppy having those kids to love on and play with him! What a great distraction for the kids now. The younger kids must be having a hard time understanding all these sudden changes. I feel so bad for everyone, the whole world is suffering so. I want to fix it and I can't. And now they are talking like the next few weeks are going to be really bad for our country and it is scaring me even more than I was scared before.ReplyDelete
You and your loved ones stay safe!
That picture of the purple bum in the air over the back seat of the car is just brilliant. Hang in there, there are better days ahead!ReplyDelete
Funny how we all thought if we had more time at home we would get so much accomplished. Not. That time has come but for many it is at the expense of one's peace of mind given the circumstances. And the mind now has a much harder time putting two thoughts together without spinning down a rabbit hole. You are not alone. Stay safe.ReplyDelete
can't blame Owen, puppies are made for cuddling.ReplyDelete
I am so far behind on my reading. trying to catch up. that cool front you're getting has been here and I'm trying to take advantage of it out in the yard before it's gone as it is probably the last.
strange days. so normal in most ways here but then the experts get on the TV and tell us to expect 250,000 deaths and that's if we do our best at trying to mitigate it.
you know what I miss? hugging my friends and family.
Sweet, gentle Owen. I’m so happy Publix is doing right by it’s employees. Just read about those so called “Christians” at hobby lobby, billionaires that left their employees with nothing, not even insurance. They claim it’s “In God’s hands”. God needs to bitch slap them with both hands. Thank you for always being here and writing here. I truly appreciate it. Much love.ReplyDelete
Love the pictures of Owen and the puppy and of course August and Levon. It's nice to see them again and I'm glad you got to visit with them. It's important for all of us to search out these sparks of brightness in our days -- to find some small pleasures, like puppies or family visits or birdcalls in Cozumel, even while social distancing or isolating. You know?ReplyDelete
I have to limit my intake of coronavirus news. Otherwise it freaks me out. I know I keep saying this, but it is all so surreal. A hospital in Central Park!
I can think of nothing so important as snuggling a puppy. There are hospital shenanigans going on up here in our little town, They will be sued after the virus has had it's way...and administrators will be fired, about time. The "silver lining" as one MD called it.ReplyDelete
anyway, stay sane-ish. Cuddle something- I feel like eating a bag full of flour.
I want it all to end real soon. Dear God - If you can just make everything normal again I promise I will be good and I am sorry for all the bad things I did and said. If you make everything normal again I might even start believing in you Almighty Father. This thing has gone on too long. Why have 65 doctors died in Italy? How did they offend you sir? They were fighting to help others. Surely, you should have given them the immunity they deserved. It's gone on too long.ReplyDelete
That Image of the Grandbaby with bum and feet in the air made me Smile, Thank You!ReplyDelete