Friday, December 20, 2013

Another Topical Post

So, Phil, the Patriarch of Duck Dynasty has shown his true belief about homosexuals (sinners, going to hell) and African Americans pre-Civil Rights (happy, happy, happy) and has been fired by the A&E Network and the world has exploded.
Jesus Christ. Oh shit. I'm a sinner. Taking the Lord's name in vain, etc.
Why is anyone surprised? The man is weird. The man self-proclaims as Godly. The man shows small children how to remove the guts of a duck for a school (Christian school, of course) demonstration. The man talks about sex way too much. The man is obsessed with sex and has used the Bible to underscore his belief that God wants man to have sex with his wife and that it's her duty to go along with this plan whenever it should suit the man.

The man is also richer than fucking Midas. Or at least I would assume so as you can't go to a damn gas station without seeing a display of fine Duck Dynasty shit to buy including Chia Pets and socks and when I was in the fabric store, I noticed a display of official Duck Dynasty camo fabric.
I mean- it's a perfect American success story. Phil invented a duck call that was obviously unlike any duck call ever made before in the history of the universe and the whole family got into the duck call business and then they made a TV show about them which led to the Duck Dynasty Chia Pet and there you go. And yes, I enjoyed the first few seasons of the show. There were definitely elements of it I could relate to being married to a hunter. But then it got sort of weird and over-scripted and Phil became more and more stern and judgmental about everything from Yuppies (anyone who doesn't live in the Louisiana woods and who doesn't know how to remove the guts from a duck, basically) to modern technology.
And the show is one of the highest rated shows on television today which, when you think about it, is odd because it's not about anything and it "stars" some extremely bearded men who live in Louisiana and who supposedly sit around and make duck calls by hand (haha!) and who love to hunt and who all live in mansions (except for Phil who still lives in what I would call a double-wide) with their beautiful wives to whom they've all been married since high school and their children. And one of the sons has an adopted child who is of mixed race and that's sort of cool, especially since they named that child the Junior of the family. Simple people doing simple things in their simple mansions, buying their simple wineries and ending each and every episode with everyone sitting around a table groaning with giant platters and bowls of rustic foods and Phil says the blessing which usually carries the message that God has made Man the boss of all of the animals and the woods and Everything and how cool is that? And then they all fork in to the giant platters of roasted game and other tasty treats, supposedly cooked by the ladies of the family while there's a voice-over by one of the sons proclaiming the eternal goodness of family and the Simple Life.

But here's the thing- fans of the show are up in arms (quite literally, probably) about the firing of Phil and the family is threatening to just stop the filming entirely because they can't go on without their patriarch. So good for them. They've already all got their mansions and Miss Kay, the long-suffering matriarch has already had her plastic surgery and the kids all have their own massive American pick-up trucks. They have every right to believe that homosexuality is akin to bestiality and that before Civil Rights, black Americans were godly and happy as can be, chopping cotton from dawn to dark and they even have every right to say that shit but the network has the right to fire them too. So there's that. But what freaks me out is that so many people are staunchly on the side of Phil who admits his life at one time was all about sex, drugs, and rock and roll but who now completely encapsulates God, Guns, and Guts, and it's like all of these people suddenly have a mouthpiece saying exactly what they believe which is some vile and evil stuff and they are crying Free Speech! Free Speech! Phil for President! etc.

Which makes me feel sort of sick.

Moving on.

Did you read about the Target credit card debacle?

Well, that's my debit card. I was affected. My bank called me at six-thirty last night.

Life goes on.
Life does go on until it doesn't and I can get a new debit card and the world will probably survive without Duck Dynasty if it comes to that. The family can get back to their Godly Simple Lives ways although I do admit that I will miss Jase who is cuter than a damn bug and also Crazy Uncle Si, the guy who was in Viet Nam and who, despite everything, seems to be relatively untouched by the madness of the success, his own madness being the stronger force and who seems to take a childlike delight in everything.
Of course I haven't read his book so I don't really know.

And if you want to get the bad taste out of your mouth about this whole stupid situation which I don't know why I even wrote about except that it's a distraction from my own madness, please go here and be reminded that although we have some extremely sad and weird stuff going on in our culture, light and love are indeed making progress throughout the world.

Happy Friday, y'all.

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. If the Duck Dynasty issue taught me anything, it's about how many people I've hidden, blocked or defriended n facebook. I didn't see much of the uproar and I think it's because I've slowly eliminated toxic, awful people who bash others in the name of God. My life is too big, messy and complicated to allow those people into it too.

  2. Ha Ha. I wrote about Target and Duck Dynasty today, too. Yours is much more entertaining.

  3. As a mom of a transgender teen, I'm so relieved that strides are being made. Warms my heart and gives me hope.
    It doesn't surprise me that that duck clown has tons of supporters what with all the Jesus freaks running around. Oy. Opinions are like assholes and even assholes have opinions. That whole family looks unwashed to me and I imagine them smelling like gutted waterfowl.

  4. Do the people yelling about free speech know what is in the First Amendment? It prohibits Congress from making laws restricting free speech. It does not protect Phil from reactions to that free speech such as being fired by his employer A&E. The loudest shouters usually know that. And they know who will parrot what they say and not look into an issue ever.

    So anyway...

  5. We were still living in Vienna (not the one in Virginia either) when I heard about this thing called "Duck Dynasty". Wtf?
    I won't repeat what I thought of it then, nor would it be all that difficult for you to guess what I think of it now.
    I don't get those channels, so I don't even have to worry about catching a glimpse of it as I surf on by.
    It's an odd thing really, when you forget that you are in fact ON TELEVISION and being paid to do so. So, maybe keeping ones opinion to oneself might be an idea? Of course, opinions are like a$$holes, everyone's got one.
    If nothing else, it's good entertainment for some folks I suppose. Seems a waste of perfectly good airwaves though.
    And yup, if the network wants to fire some cracker, then it's their privilege.

  6. I was hoping you'd weigh in! I'd say you nailed it. The bottom line: A&E is going to protect its bottom line. This has little to do with network principles.

  7. I too was waiting for you to weigh in - maybe you wrote about it for your fans. :) I know how you feel about Duck Dynasty and how you feel about homosexuality, so I wanted to hear. Thank you.

  8. SJ- Good for you! And all my FB friends except for one have taken the liberal position on this HOT, HOT NEWSWORTHY ITEM!
    Gawd. We are a mess. As a culture. Just a hot mess.

    Elizabeth- What's up with THAT? Are we proving some sort of String Theory thing?

    heartinhand- And deer urine. You know they smell of deer urine.
    Trust me.

    Glimmer- You are so right. Most of us are just plain ignorant and we just throw these words around as if we had a clue. Which mostly we do not. Thanks for coming by!

    Bob- I think that probably Duck Dynasty's audience is not heavily weighted towards the gay end of the spectrum. I could be wrong. The show had its moments. But A&E probably has every contractual right to fire the guy. We'll see how this shakes out.

    Angella- You're right about that, woman. SO right.

  9. I loved every word of this post. I did. I couldn't wait to see what you'd say about this. And I'm confused by the Target thing. I got the cryptic email but am not clear on how nervous I should be.

  10. Mary, do you realize how very strange this sounds to someone who hasn't watched tv in a year? Jesus, and to think I sometimes miss that box.

  11. Are people even remotely surprised that the Duck Dynasty guys feel that way? Looking at them, I would not expect them to be marching in a rainbow parade.

    I never watched the show. As I said on someone else's blog, I pretty much grew up around Duck Dynasty types and I feel like I'm done with that. And while I believe the show airs here in England, I'm not entirely certain about that.

    I must admit I WAS dismayed when one of my old high school friends posted on his Facebook account a photo of himself in a fake beard, with the caption "I support Phil!" But then, he's always been very Jesusy.

  12. Gradydoctor- I didn't get the e-mail until after my bank called and told me to cut my card up. So I have no idea...
    What does your husband think of the Duck Dynasty debacle?

    Rubye Jack- Hey! I've gotten some laughs from that show. I really have. So there is that. But nah, it's not worth paying for.
    Especially now.

    Steve Reed- Phil has become a lightening rod for homophobic, racist Jesusy people. That's what I think.

  13. I am with Steve Reed. I grew up around a lot of country folk who had ideas similar to the Duck Dynasty fellows you describe. I have not watched the show nor do I intend to. Old rednecks with guns and guts don't do much for me. And here we go with another excuse for the Jesus lovers and right wing religious nuts to come forth and quote a lot of the Bible. I still say that you can't fix stupidity.


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