It's gloomy and doomy here today, wind picking up and a gray sky. I woke up to almost no pain after four solid days of thinking I couldn't bear it much longer and I have no idea what makes this pain come and what makes it go. Yesterday was horrible until I laid down for about forty-five minutes and something happened in that time and it was so much better when I got up and then today, the same.
So I took my walk and it was a completely different experience today than it was yesterday and I just give up on trying to figure it out.
But I sure am grateful for the break.
It looks like rain and maybe we'll get some. We need it badly. The dirt is powder dry and the plants are drooping. Seems like forever since we've gotten rain but I know it hasn't been that long. The temperature has gone up and it feels more like late summer again than fall.
This is the way of it. Get the heater fixed and you need the air conditioner.
It also seems like forever since I've had the house to myself although I'm sure that's not true either. But still, I'm not quite sure what to do with myself. I seem to be able to fill up the time with nothing much and end up not doing a damn thing that I think I will do if I get the chance. I feel itchy and twitchy and unable to commit myself to anything which requires me to stop moving. Maybe it's this weather. Maybe it's worries, whether justified or not. Maybe it's the fact that Dia de Los Muertos is upon us and it's just a slippery time in the universe when unseen doors crack open to allow the dead to come and go. I have no idea but I do know that I would not mind being in Mexico where altars for the dead are everywhere, tables filled with food and candles, with flowers and beverages, with images of the deceased. There is a sense of humor and joy about it all there, and the cemeteries are busy with people sweeping and cleaning and preparing for the celebration to come.
I miss Mexico.
But here I am and not in pain and that is a very good thing and whether I decide to sew or write, to mop or nap, it's not going to make one damn bit of difference in this world. I think that when you spend your entire life at the mercy of everyone else's schedule, it is very difficult to grasp the concept of doing something that makes you yourself happy when you do get the time.
Or maybe I'm just a lazy ass with zero motivation.
Oh, let it rain. Just let it rain and I will feel more at ease.
Or so I think.
Happy Friday, y'all.