Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Like Being On Drugs But Not As Much Fun
So, here I am, eyes dilated and I can barely see shit but whatever, I am not driving but just sitting here typing this and waiting for some chicken bosoms to thaw.
I went to see that eye doctor. He was approximately twelve-years old. Seriously. I don't think he shaves yet. But I liked him and he laughed at my jokes. My eyes are fine for the surgery but the hang-up for me is that I still have good close vision (well, for a woman of fifty-seven) due to my life-long nearsightedness and if they correct for distance, the close-vision will be for shit and I'll need reading glasses for that. Now why I think that this is a huge problem is a mystery. But I do love to get in bed and read without my glasses. However, that is not a big portion of my day, whereas being able to see everything that isn't under my nose is.
They can do that mono-vision correction where they basically leave one eye under-corrected and correct the other one and the brain takes care of it. In theory. He said that most women tolerate this very well.
"Women?" I asked. "Better than men?"
"Yes," he said. "And we don't know why."
"Because women are used to tolerating the intolerable," I told him. "Doesn't make it right."
He smiled pleasantly.
So what they're going to do is to give me some contacts which will replicate the mono-vision situation to see if I can "tolerate" them. I would like to do far more than be able to tolerate something. But anyway, we shall see. This place is not an assembly-line Lasix factory and I like that. Dude was honest with me. I have time to think about it. I will be able to experiment with vision alternatives. This is all quite interesting, as were many of the tests they did on my eyes and I felt like I was on Star Trek and I felt like I was in A Clockwork Orange, both at the same time.
And don't call me Dim no more, neither!
(For those of you who have never seen A Clockwork Orange, you didn't get that, and even if you have, you may not get that but one summer in Winter Haven, Florida there was nothing at all to do except to go out in the cow fields and gather mushrooms and eat them and then go see A Clockwork Orange which for some reason stayed at the Ritz Theater downtown for months. Or at least in my memory. And for me and some of my friends, our vocabulary became semi-boiled down to quotes from the movie and that was one of them. This explains more about me than you can know.)
So the question shall be- is the surgery worth it? As with everything in life, this must be determined. Are the compromises worth the cost? Would being able to see without glasses for most of my activities be heavier on the scale than being able to read without glasses? Maybe my old brain will adjust to the mono-vision. I sort of doubt that, but it's possible.
So here's an Owen story:
Lily and Jason and Owen came to pick me up and on the drive back to their house there is a giant bull statue. Made of plastic or fiberglass, no doubt. Like you'd see in front of a Giant Steakhouse or something and Owen loves that thing and says, "Cow!"
"Yep, it's a cow," I told him. And then I said, "Hey Owen, do you know what they call boy cows?"
"What?" he asked.
"Bulls!" I said.
"No, no, no, no, no! COW!"
"No. It's true. Girl cows are called cows and boy cows are called bulls."
He didn't even pause to think about it. He just gave me another string of "NO!s" and then said, "I no belebe you!"
Two years old and the kid already thinks he knows more than I do.
Well. He'll find out and then he's going to be totally embarrassed that he did not belebe me.
Okay. Tomorrow is going to be a busy, busy day. Owen is coming and Billy is bringing Waylon to play and Lon and Lis and Lulumarie and another couple are dropping by too. Whoa, nelly! It's going to be exciting!
Wow. I just remembered that I used to work with a girl named Nelly and I let her and her boyfriend use my apartment for...um, their love...because she was married to someone else.
I had forgotten that. I wonder what happened to her?
And this is what happens when Ms. Moon gets her eyes dilated. Her brain goes kaflooey.
Belebe me. I wouldn't lie to ya.
Yours truly...Ms. Moon