Tuesday, August 18, 2009

What Is This World Coming To?


I've spent most of the day in town with Lily and we bought her a new baby sling. We tried it out with a doll at the shop, handily placed there for just such a purpose. I think. I told her she could try it out at home with one of her cats. We also bought a few diaper-related articles. I am going to be giving her my own cloth diapers which I used on her and her baby-sister. Cloth diapers are that durable. The woman at the shop pissed me off because she said stupid things about cloth diapers and what you need when you use them and then she said a smart thing which was, "I never used cloth diapers so really, I'm not expert."
I said, "Well, I raised four children with cloth diapers so I am."
Anyway, I'm discovering that the use of cloth diapers which used to be something that every mother on earth could figure out and somehow managed, even the Catholic ones with fourteen children, four of them in diapers, is now something akin to rocket science. You have your liners, you have your covers, you have your diaper grippers (because god knows you can't use a diaper PIN because what if you stuck your baby through the leg and killed her?) and you have your velcroed diapers and you have your hemp diapers and you have your, well, I don't know.
I was like, "What the fuck are you going to use a liner for? When you use cloth diapers, if the baby pees or poops you change them. They are not like the disposables which you only have to change once a month. Okay?"

Here is how to use cloth diapers:
Get three dozen prefolded cotton diapers. One size fits all. Really.
Get two diaper pins if you can find any of those fuckers. The ducky ones are especially nice.
Get some plastic pants. Good luck with that, too.
Put the baby on the diaper, folded to his or her size. Fasten the diaper. If the baby needs some warm pants on, put the plastic pants over the diaper and under the warm pants.
When the baby pees or poops, take off the wet or soiled diaper, clean the baby's bottom, kiss her tummy lots and lots and then put a new diaper on.

Jesus, people. It's not that hard.

You don't need a pee-pee shield which is a piece of plastic junk you put OVER your baby boy's pee-pee so that when you change his diaper, he doesn't pee in your face because THAT MIGHT KILL YOU! But here's the thing- if you change your baby right after he pees, he probably doesn't need to pee again right then and will not pee in your face, THUS KILLING YOU. Frankly I don't know if any of my babies ever peed WHILE I was change their diaper. Ever. Once. And how do you keep a baby boy still enough to keep that pee-pee cover over their tiny wee-wees?

Maybe they would cover that in the diaper class you can attend because nowadays they have CLASSES in using cloth diapers. Classes. Where they show you all the options. The diapers which come with covers and velcro, the different size diapers, the HEMP diapers, the diaper liners.
Whatever.

I actually almost filled out an application to work part-time at this store. But then I asked what the salary was and babies, it was not good. And then I realized that if I worked there, sales would probably go down about 70 percent because I'd tell everyone they didn't need all that crap and I'd get fired.

And that's my story for today.
We did get a very nice sling. It's blue. Lily's baby will look fine in it and be cozy next to his mama or daddy. I do like that idea a lot. Maybe I'd be good at selling slings.

And now I have to get ready to go to a baby shower. Lily's shower which is being given by her coworkers. There is a Twilight theme. I'm not kidding. Lily already told me to be nice.
I told her I'd just sit there and roll my eyes and keep my mouth shut.
I'll try.
I promise.
I hope the cake is good.

25 comments:

  1. You mean, the theme for the BABY shower is VAMPIRES?? I guess in a way they are like little vampires... sucking up all your calcium and booby juice, etc. but that just seems a trifle disturbing!

    The cake will likely be from the bakery, so it should be good.

    Have fun! I hope you don't have to play any "shower games". yech!

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  2. I guess nothing says "Hooray, a baby!" quite like wordy vampires who sparkle. I dont remember much from that book but i do remember that they sparkled.

    Think there will be red velvet cake?? =) Ok, I'll stop now.

    I would so need classes on cloth diapers...as many diapers as I've changed on all 8 of the nieces and nephews, the cousins and the daycare I worked at, I don't think I've ever changed a cloth one. Weird huh?

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  3. You are too funny! The baby pee "will kill you"! hahaha! I have two sons, never been peed on once! Their Dad was peed on multiple times, he's just slow!

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  4. I'm with you. I use plain old prefolds. Although I do use velcro covers---because I couldn't find plastic pants! There are too many choices out there for just about everything.

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  5. I loved my cloth diapers with Hannah and, for a long time, with Eli. I couldn't use them with either of the little boys simply because daycare + Cloth diaper = good luck finding a daycare. Hard enough to find one supportive of me coming in to nurse Owen at lunch or not feeding him right before I came (I am clearly a little resentful of that, still!). It drives me INSANE how much people push these myths and do whatever they can to avoid that simple reality that life is drool and pee and poop and vomit, and sometimes a little blood. Really.

    And don't EVEN get me started on those people who cart their kids around in the plastic car seat instead of carrying them. WEaring them, carrying them in their arms, whatever. HATE that. We got a carseat for Owen, and you know what? The motherfucker STAYED.IN.THE.CAR. Period. God gave me arms and breasts and lips JUST so I could hold and kiss and nurse my baby. He didn't equip me with a cold plastic bin to plop them in when I got tired of loving on him.

    CLEARLY I would not last at that store either.

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  6. Oh; the Twilight shower? I hope she has a wonderful time and gets lots of goods, but really, THAT makes me laugh out loud.

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  7. The pee-pee cover thing CRACKS ME UP. I've seen 'em and I'm just like...
    ...
    ...
    ...
    ...
    ...

    Pee won't kill you.

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  8. vampires and babies?

    really? i'm sure they mean mean well, but that seems a bit oxymoronic, doesn't it?

    in any case, i have a great pattern for diaper covers if lily's gonna go ahead with the cloth ones...

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  9. I'm with Kori on the 'bucket' seat. I got one as a gift, but used it less than 2 months. Farty hated it, I hated it. Invest in a convertible seat and use it practically til the kid is in middle school!
    I never used cloth diapers on my kids' butts, but they sure were handy for other things like burp rags, spit up cleaner-uppers, etc.
    People rolled their eyes at me and made snide comments because my kids were NEVER in playpens, and because I 'spoiled them' by holding them and carrying them non-stop. I actually had a bruised area on my left arm where Farty's head rested pretty much all day long for his first few months, because once the NICU let me hold him, I never put him down!
    The only way anything (babies included!) spoils, is if it's put on a shelf and left alone for days on end.
    Really, babies don't need that much crap. Some diapers, some onesies, some sleep n plays. Pacifier optional (baby's option, not yours!)
    Love the vampire theme shower. And I love you for going to it, even if you are rolling your eyes. That's more than my mom did for me!

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  10. i think cloth diapers/ real underwear worn with plastic pants are easier to potty train from

    i learned that working in day care. i think i have worked on the potty thing with close to 100 kids in my preschool teaching career, and the kids who didn't use store diapers/ pull ups seemed to 'get it' a lot quicker.


    people nowdays seem to have a fear of feces....it's not the end of the world, it's just poop.

    xxalainaxxx

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  11. Ms. Fleur- Cake- delicious! Only one game. Not too ridiculous. And the reason they did the Twilight theme is because Lily loves the books and also, when they planned it, they didn't know whether it was a boy or a girl who was coming. No. It doesn't make sense to me either.
    But the red ballons were great.

    SJ- There were bloody mary's available. I had Fresca instead. My driving sucks as it is.

    Cindy- Once, our daughter Lily spat up in her father's mouth. He's never forgotten that one.

    Lora- You said it girl- TOO MANY CHOICES!

    Kori- I know. Daycares will not take cloth diapers. It's so crazy. But your pet peeve is mine, too. What is the deal with adding fifteen pounds of plastic and padding to the baby you're carrying? I have never understood that one. At all. It's sort of sick.

    Aunt Becky- Right? Can you imagine what people will think in like a thousand years when they start digging those things out of a dump? They'll never figure out what they were for.

    Adrienne- Really. I'd be very interested.

    Rachel- I swear- I still sort of wish I could carry my kids around. Oh wait- I do. Every time we go somewhere together I drive. Not the same. I know what you mean. If my little boy had been in the NICU, I would probably never have put him down. I did love my sling because it gave me a free hand.

    Miss Alaineus- I completely agree. I have a whole theory about how disposables are changing our relationships with our babies. Are you surprised to hear that?

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  12. "Can you imagine what people will think in like a thousand years when they start digging those things out of a dump? They'll never figure out what they were for."

    Now that was funny =)

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  13. I used the prefolded cloth diapers, too. I threw one over him while I got everything ready and got peed on a few times without dying but that usually caught it. I did, however, stick a diaper pin through his skin once, and he lived through that. Amazing what we all survived, isn't it? :-)

    Good post!

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  14. A pee-pee shield? Really? I did get peed on once, and guess what, I'm still here. The next time I knew to quickly put my hand over him. Of course it burned my hand and now I can never use it again. The horror!

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  15. SJ- Sort of sad, too.

    Joy- I know.

    Mwa- You type well one-handed!

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  16. You should cash in on all this baby hoo-ha and teach your own class. Really, you wouldn't have to be certified in anything to teach moms how to be good moms. I mean, everyone we know who has had a baby in the last 20 years has come to you anyway, may as well make some money! Daddy would be so happy.

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  17. May- Right. I'll bring in Zeke and demonstrate how to put diapers on EVEN A DOG! Which is how I showed Lily how it is done. I could borrow Lupita, too. I'll show people how to mash up bananas with a fork. I'll show them how to lay down, nurse a baby, and read a book at the same time. I'll show them how to remove a cockroach from a baby's mouth when it is half-eaten. I'll show them how to let children run around naked. I'll show them the difference between regular sandwiches and those cut into "kangaroo" shapes and I will also tell them the difference between girl cheese sandwiches and boy cheese sandwiches. I will show them how to dunk a poopie diaper in the toilet. (Special hint- wash your hands afterwards.) I will show them how to use moist baby wash cloths instead of chemically infused baby wipes to clean their babie's tushies.
    Oh yes! I will make millions!
    Can I use your apartment for my classes? It will be so much fun! You can show them how to make a nest for five-month olds with pillows and stuffed animals!
    We'll share in the millions.

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  18. Here's what my Mom learned when she had me (her first-born). I am an August 1st baby. Her dear mother passed away when my Mom was only 8 years old, so she had no adult female role model or nearby aunties to learn how to mother from... She thought according to books/photos that a baby OUGHT to always be dressed in a cloth diaper with plastic pants over, a t-shirt, a nightie, and wrapped in a blanket.

    I nearly cooked in the first few days, cried inconsolably. Mom took me to the doctor who said "You're roasting her, undress that baby right now." And taught her that baby in the Wyoming summer was happy (and safe!) in just a diaper and at night maybe a t-shirt and light blanket over, or not...

    And I lived to tell the tale!

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  19. Mary- Well, my mother always told me that babies were generally over-dressed and she was right. Lily and I were just discussing this yesterday. So do you hate being hot?

    XBox- Oooh (she purred) I love it when you call me that.

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  20. I'm with you Ms Moon when I say Hooray for cloth diapers. I used them on all of mine, but I did succumb to the plastic ones when I wasn't at home. I had no problem washing cloth diapers and I can't stand those disposable diaper systems. What's that all about? I would never want a year's worth of used diapers hanging around in my house!

    P.S. I love sparkly vampire babies.

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  21. In fact I love being hot, and HATE being cold. The universe pointing the Ironic Finger at me I suppose. :)

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  22. I am so addicted to reading your blog now. I think we would get on just fine. I had a diaper service for my oldest, prefolds for my second, and combo of prefolds, all-in-ones, and velcro for my last two. Heck, I was on a roll with the last kid and made my own out of flannel. Not quite sure why, but it seemed like the thing to do at the time. After all, having 3 small kids already wasn't enough to keep me busy. I needed to make diapers, dammit!! But there is something soothing about looking out on the clothesline and seeing all those nice, soft diapers drying and bleaching in the sun.

    And baby slings!!! Yes!! I made those, too. Different colors to match different outfits. They were seriously like growing a third arm. I don't know how I got through the first two kids without knowing about them.

    Best of luck on the new baby. I can't even think of a comment about the Twilight themed baby shower. lol

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  23. Oh I have so missed reading your blog every day MM :-) I really am goin to have some catching up to do!!

    Bless Lily and all those who cloth diaper...I wish I could. I mean, I know I *could*, but I just can't...But disposable diaper waste is ASTONISHING, so REALLY, bless those that do cloth diaper.

    I will just have to continue to work extra hard at other ways of helping reduce, reuse and recycle.

    And I promise, I am going to at least get started on that birth story post tonite...W is having boys night out, so as soon as the babies are in bed it's blog time for mama :-)

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  24. Aden- Really. Wouldn't that take up quite a bit of really nasty room?

    Mary- I was born in El Paso on July 28. I can't stand the cold, either.

    K- No. Really. You made diapers? Lord, child, you are far cooler than I am. And no- there is nothing as nice as looking out at a line full of diapers, drying and bleaching in the sun. Magical.

    JustMe- I can't wait for the whole birth blog. Bless you, dear.

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