I find it hysterical that not one person commented on the fact that while I was asleep, a bug crawled into my ear! I thought it was quite amusing. Well, not at five-thirty a.m. when it happened, but when I wrote about it in the light of day.
I thought people would be SHOCKED! and HORRIFIED!
Maybe waking up with a bug in your ear is actually quite common.
Hmmmm...
So if that wasn't weird enough, let me tell you this: Mr. Moon set up a trail camera on the back porch last night to see what was coming in the dog door and eating up all the dog food. I thought surely it was a coon or a possum. But NO! It was a RAT! Yes. I tell you it was.
Believe you me, I will be taking up the dog food every night before I go to bed.
I so frequently think of what Lily said that day a roach got in her panties and a bat attacked her in the bathroom out here: Too much nature!
I know. It's hard to believe but sometimes, even I feel that way. Nature is lovely when it's oak trees and flowers and chickens and gentle rain and lovely brown deer with huge, limpid eyes and velvety horns and sweet little green lizards. It's not quite so lovely when it's cockroaches the size of, well, really big giant bugs, rats on the back porch, snakes dropping out of trees with baby squirrels in their mouths, big squirrels who eat my pecans, and yes, bats. Bats are just scary to me. It's that crazy little claw-hand that spreads out into a wing. Mammals aren't supposed to have wings, okay? And please don't tell me how cool bats are. I agree. I just don't want them flying around my house, which they do at certain times of the year. And oh yes- the mosquitoes. Lord but the mosquitoes have been terrible this year. It's because of the rain so I can't complain but oh hell, I will anyway. They're bad. Evil little fuckers. And wasps- wasps are bad when they pour out of your porch plants and attack you when you water. And poison ivy. Poison ivy serves NO usual purpose that I am aware of. Motherfucking evil plant.
At least mosquitoes feed the birds and the frogs. What in the world would eat poison ivy?
But this is Florida. And yes, it's North Florida and not the beach. But even our beaches harbor their own particular annoyances. They don't tell you about Portuguese Man of Wars in the commercials for Florida's lovely beaches, do they? Nah. Or the yellow flies that, like mosquitoes suck your blood but in massive quantities, meanwhile injecting you with a toxin that causes you to itch for days. Or the no-see-um's which are so damn big here you can see 'em and are so tormenting and unrelenting that you cannot stay on the beach when they're out. And then there are the sting rays and also the sharks. But really, we don't worry about the sharks so much.
Oh, it's lovely here in Florida. I wouldn't live anywhere else. Okay, maybe Mexico or Italy or Greece or Hawaii but this is my home and I do love it. I just don't want everyone in the world out there to think it's all white sand dunes, blue water and placid, pastoral visions of calmness and pine trees here. Or palm trees, either. In fact, another name for the giant cockroaches is: Palmetto Bug. Think about it.
And of course there's the heat. And the fact that in winter here in North Florida it gets cold enough to freeze your tits off, not to mention freezing your mango tree dead, dead, dead.
And I don't know where I was going with this and the damn bold button won't stay unpushed while I write this and it's driving me crazy so I might as well go in and wash the dishes. My poison ivy is itching anyway.
If you haven't already, go check out DownTownGuy's new site: I've Had Dreams Like That. It's all images and they're really cool.
Also, Miss Kori did a blog about a missing child. If you haven't read that, maybe you should. It's here. I do not know these people but Kori asked us to do it and I have done it. I can't imagine what that would feel like. Thank God.
And don't forget to book your flight to beautiful Florida. Did I mention the alligators? But you already knew about those, right?
Quick. Before hurricane season is over.
Just be sure to wear your earplugs to bed to prevent bug molestation.
Your room is waiting.
so i'm mostly so worried about bugs getting in that i sleep with my hands over my ears. and sometimes, when my arms get tired, i think about putting cotton in my ears to keep the bugs out. but you know what i think of then? weevils. boll weevils. and the fact that cotton in m ears will only attract them to there. i'm pretty sure i might go crazy.
ReplyDeleteWith an ad like that, I can't wait to get my ass down there ;) I'm waiting til winter!! One day I need to meet you and this Moon family.
ReplyDelete(BTW I have updates--an email maybe tomorrow).
Those palmetto bugs are more like birds than roaches.
ReplyDeleteDid you hear scratching in your ear, or was it just movement and itchiness or something? Tweezers or fingers? Just curious. :)
I commented on the bug in your ear but am just now catching up, so it doesn't count. How did you get it out?
ReplyDeleteWhen I taught in the gifted program, they put us in all kinds of places. We shared one place with bats who scared the hell out of me when one of them was hanging by its feet on the ceiling right over my desk. We had to call someone to capture it and take it away because it's illegal to kill them in TN for some reason.
oh darlin', caught the ear bug reference...pretended that I didn't read it, ok? freshman yr. in college someone in the dorm had that happen. quiver.
ReplyDeleteThere's just always so much to comment on! It's probably the TV that did it - people don't have a long enough attention span to comment on the start of a post once they get to the end.
ReplyDeleteI believe you there's too much nature over there. I'm so never going to Florida ever. But that's ok, because you're coming over here next fourth of July anyway.
Ha, you've sold me.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I'm hardy enough, it sounds like Survivor.
The bug in the ear thing would truly wig me out. I didn't comment on it because I was too busy hoping it wasn't true.
Bugs have been traumatizing me so much lately that I think I blocked it out. Remember my earwig issues?
ReplyDeleteAs appealing as your tourism ad for FL sounds, I think I'll just endure life here in the Nort'woods. Much cooler, and no alligators.
Daddy B- I am so flattered when you comment that it sort of makes me giddy. Hey- I came looking for you yesterday at the NL but you were already gone. Dammit.
ReplyDeleteNow what were we talking about?
Oh yeah. No, I think I'm the crazy one, sweetie.
SJ- Winter might be the best option.
Nicol- You have a picture! You're gloriously gorgeous! It made a high humming noise and I simply turned my head over and shook it like you would to get water out. I suppose it's gone because there is no more humming.
Joy- It's probably illegal to kill them here too.
Cindy- You thought it was a dream, right? I sure did. Until I realized it wasn't.
Mwa- You're right. I overblog. Your house for the 4th. Okay!
Jo- We are sturdy folk here.
Meh, we have bugs crawl in our ears all the time here, no big thing. Not really, but that seriously didn't register. Today's post? the snakes dropping out of trees with rats in their mouth? THAT got me.
ReplyDeleteLast night I was actually googling your neck of the woods, preparing for the day when I can pick up stakes and moved there, but you know, that 10 bedroom/10.5 bath house in Tallahassee was just out of my price range (and dear god, are there no homes for sale in good old lloyd? Or hotels in which to stay?). this post, however, made me really re-think this little plan....
Thanks for posting about Chy; the more people who read it, the better.
You know, I was going to say something about that bug thing, but... I was afraid I would go off on my own bug in the ear experiences. YECSH! Reminds me of that Startrek movie where one of the crew members gets tortured that way and he says "Captain! They put worms in my ears and made me tell lies!" I just thought that was a very funny, yet bizarre and more than slightly disturbing line.
ReplyDeleteMost bugs will crawl out if you shine a flashlight in your ear or turn your ear up to the light... spiders, not so much. I can't even go there.
What kind of bug was it? Oh, one more thing, we have sand fleas here, and also biting spiders, brown recluses and black widows! Oh and I this girl once said: "We have roaches the size of buicks!" I thought that was a stitch!
Later MM,
Jeremiah's brother and his family live in ormond beach, which is near daytona.
ReplyDeleteWe go down there every year and I'm constantly surprised and all the gross shit every where. Palmetto bugs, giant spiders, SNAKES!?
But there are neat giant birds and weird interesting things swimming in the swampy areas and Jeremiah loves to fish there...so maybe it balances out.
Snakes dropping from trees? Holy shit. Now, I'm not sure about that potential winter or spring visit. JESUS H.
ReplyDeleteKeep away from the falling snakes for godsake.
Love, SB
I watched a cardinal eat a lizard yesterday.
ReplyDeleteSaw a raccoon climb a tree, pull a baby squirrel out of a nest, climbed back down the tree, sit on its haunches and munch on the poor little feller right there.
ReplyDeleteBought made me cry; twas brutal. I got a youngin' ya know.
But! I've lived here all my life, had all them critters around and never had any issues. I do however assassinate all the rats I see; they can be destructive to home and car wiring. And roosters stand little chance in my hood. Otherwise, I live amongst the rest like Mowgli.
Mama! You did it! Do you remember years ago when we joked about writing "Don't come to Florida" ads? Well, there you go. That bug in the ear thing freaked me out, so I ignored it. Whenever anyone says something like "People eat approximately 12 spiders per year as they sleep" I want to say "Fuck you." because I don't want to hear it. Remember when Jose came upstairs and told us that a bug flew in his eye and got you to look because he thought there was something in there and THERE WAS A GIANT COCKROACH WING PLASTERED ON HIS EYEBALL!!!? I almost puked and passed out. I will never forget that.
ReplyDeleteToday I walked through a spider web that was spun while I was peeing. No lie. It was in the bathroom doorway and I swear I didn't crawl in there before I peed. My days of crawling into the bathroom are over, thank you Jesus. Unless I break my leg again.
Yes, well. Hmmm. I do love Florida.
Oh, and I was thinking about you cooking squirrel and I just couldn't eat it. I saw one yesterday that looked like Zeke.
I wasn't sure you were serious about the bug. You were serious?
ReplyDeleteBugs plain ole scare me. I panic. I adore you. But your Florida scares me. Maryland is sort of moderate in all things. Weather, bug population/types, etc. It's all I can do to handle what we do have. You all are brave! OH, and a roach in the panties? Oh no. How very very awful that day must be.
ReplyDeleteI do believe "in your ear" may be the least offensive place "in" your person to find a bug.
ReplyDeleteHey, I never said you overblog. I'm glad there's so much to read. LOVE it. Please don't blog less!
ReplyDeleteKori- There is a motel right down the road at the truck stop. Seriously. And I'm sure there are houses for sale somewhere around here. You can't live here if you have young children unless you homeschool them or have the $$ to send them to private school. Our schools are abysmal in this county. But Oh! We have so many beautiful reasons to live here. You know we do.
ReplyDeleteYou SHOULD come visit.
Ms. Fleur- Hmmm. Perhaps I shall start telling lies now. I don't know what kind of bug it was. It whined, though. Perhaps a mosquito. Who knows? It was dark.
Erin- To me it more than balances out.
Ms. Bastard- If you came in April, you would not mind if a snake fell out of a tree. It is that beautiful here then.
DTG- And I love watching the lizards catch bugs and eat them.
Mowgli/Magnum- Rats. Ugh. Baby squirrels being eaten. Ugh. Well, life is hard.
Don't kill my roosters or there will be trouble.
May- You are the funniest girl I know. I mean it. I had totally forgotten that thing about Jose with the roach wing in his eye. Did that really happen? God. Gross. Please don't break your leg again and oh yes, I have considered eating Zeke, too.
Marsha- Quite serious.
Tiff- Talk to me next winter when it's fifty-five here (brrr...for us) and twenty-seven there. Although it's just as likely to be twenty-seven here and fifty-five there.
Steph- There's always the belly button.
Mwa- I don't think I could blog less if I wanted to. I'm addicted.
ReplyDeleteI loved coming to spend the night with Jessie and there would be ladybugs in the ceiling corners. I never got those at my house so it was always a treat.
ReplyDeleteI'd never been so happy to wear earplugs when I read your post! I guess I should thank my husband for snoring so loud for once.
ReplyDeleteMy sister however likes to get me going by mentioning that people eat something like 5 spiders in their sleep a year...I used to tell her that I don't because I happen to be a vegetarian. Can't use that excuse any more though...
Don't goats eat poison ivy?
ReplyDeleteI had this fantasy of getting a few goats and getting paid to hitch them up in vacant lots to eat all the damn weeds down ... and then when they were nice and plump, butchering them and having a great source of food.
Who am I kidding? I could barely kill a bug that crawled in my ear, much less slit a goat's throat.
oh, and ms moon, i'll be out there as soon as i can make it happen. i will sleep in the panther room and love every second of it. eating spiders, getting bugs in my ears, and probably getting peed on by some small dog. it's all worth it to see you.
ReplyDeleteShudders at the cockroach in the panties! EEEK! And there are bats in the belfry of the church of batshit crazy? Say it ain't so!
ReplyDeleteMeli- We used to have those ladybugs on Edenfield Road, too. They're so cool but it's sort of sad when they all die on the ceiling.
ReplyDeleteI miss you! You and Jessie need to have a slumber party and play music here.
Laura- I'm glad you stopped by. Your pictures are great!
Nola- Tallahassee used to hire a flock of these crazy short-haired sheep to eat the Kudzu. Really. It was a business. They came with a shepherd and everything.
But they didn't eat the sheep. They just moved from town to town, killing Kudzu for folks.
Daddy B- Hurray! Come on then. I'll protect you. I miss you.
Ginger- Well, in the chimneys, at least. We don't have an actual belfry.
And Florida is a state that openly offers choices on where a woman and her family can birth. Yeah!
ReplyDelete--Michele in GA, where each surrounding state (except NC) will license homebirth midwives. (GA has some great homebirth midwives but they have to stay under the radar.
Michele- A woman I know here had a lot to do with the legislation to make that possible. She worked long and hard for the legal licensing of midwives for home and birth center births. Until that time, we, too, had an under-the-radar home birth movement going.
ReplyDelete