Tuesday, April 6, 2021

Big Day For Grands, Small Day For Mer


My photos all transferred so there's one I took yesterday. Steve Reed emailed me helpful suggestions to help figure out my problem and I am going to save that email but what I did on my own was to go through my phone and delete a hundred or so photos and I'm sure that didn't hurt. As I told Steve, I believe that deleting photos is going to be my new hobby. It's ridiculous how many I have. Does everyone feel guilty for deleting even horrible pictures of their loved ones or is it just me?

The Hartmann children went back to school today. Lily said it went just fine.


Magnolia's first day of school EVER!


The office lady had to escort Magnolia to her class, as per protocol. Lily said the child tried to leave without even saying good-bye. And did not look back once. The report from the teacher after class today was good. She said that Maggie had them cracking up all day long and had a lot of questions, specifically ones concerning why certain things had to be done at certain times and yet other things couldn't be done at other times. 
The indoctrination has now begun which is not a bad thing. We all need a little of that in our lives. 

So that was a big day for them. 

I did some yard work. I dug around and weeded a little in the poison ivy patch so I'll be getting more break-outs. I planted a few fire spikes that I had rooted over the winter. And then I weeded and trimmed in the camellia bed. Doesn't sound like much. Well, it wasn't very much. But it was something. And yard work is like housework in that it's never done, ever, and there is always more to do. Around here there's always a LOT more to do. But it was nice being outside and I've come to the age where I just let go of any expectations of anything near perfection in the yard. 

Here's another picture I took yesterday of a potato blossom. 


Pretty little flower, isn't it? Can you see the tiny red bug up there at the top? I have no idea what it is. Probably something that destroys potatoes. 

And that's been my day. Very quiet, very peaceful. Mr. Moon had to go to town to get a bunch of stuff done. Car stuff, pantry-shelf-material-buying stuff. He's always busy. Makes me feel guilty. 
Well. Sort of.
It's funny. I often dream that he is leaving me for another woman. I've dreamed this dream so many times that I know what the husband-thief looks like, I know how she thinks. Although, a few days ago it was a different woman, younger and even more beautiful than girlfriend number one. I tell Mr. Moon about the dreams and sometimes he gets upset with me. "Quit that!" he says. "There is no girlfriend!"
And trust me- I do not like having these dreams and I hate realizing how insecure I must be to have them which is not completely impossible to understand with my history. 
When you don't see your father from the age of five until the age of thirty, you might just have fears of abandonment. 
But it has recently occurred to me that what I am really afraid of is losing him, not to another woman, but to...you know. I can't even say it. If I prayed, I would pray for me to go first because I cannot fathom life without him. And I guess that my dream brain is being kind to me in a way by expressing my fears of loss via another woman and not into the great eternal mystery where there is no chance at all of winning him back. 

I tell you what- there are so many things that theoretically you can comprehend when you are younger but cannot really understand until you are older. 

That's enough philosophizing for today. I've got the spinach and leeks and garlic cooked for another skillet spanakopita and I best get to the rest of the preparation. It's always amazing how much spinach cooks down. An entire shopping bag stuffed with the stuff cooked down to about two cups. 
Two cups of insane green goodness. 

Be well, y'all. 

Love...Ms. Moon


30 comments:

  1. I have those dreams too. And the hope that I go first. Selfish when I think about it, but I can’t imagine. I can’t even talk about it.

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  2. I have those dreams too. And the hope that I go first. Selfish when I think about it, but I can’t imagine. I can’t even talk about it.

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  3. Reading about Maggie today brought actual hot tears. Queen Maggie. 👑

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  4. Glad to hear that Magnolia's first day at school was a pretty good one but I feel a little sad that she and her mum and dad had to wear COVID masks.

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    1. Isn't it incredibly sad? I swear. I thought the same thing. But they are doing what they must.

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  5. and enter...Jolene! Really, that dream must represent something like loss , loss of control perhaps, but def not loss of the Mr. man. That is hilarious a large, AS IF!!
    School days for Maggie will be wonderful, she is a female for one, and a pretty darned sharp girl number two. Fun for her.

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    1. This woman in my dreams is a sort of Jolene. She is a hard-working woman who drives a truck!
      I think Maggie will do very well in school. Her mama did.

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  6. My understanding is that in dreams all the elements are parts of ourself. I would say this "other" is the you you are becoming.

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    1. Oh, I don't see that happening. This other woman is nothing like me in the least. Maybe she's someone I would want to be more like.

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  7. I'm so happy for Miss Maggie off to school. It will be an experience for her and for the school!

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  8. I'm glad (and a bit surprised!) that Maggie's first school day went so smoothly. How long do you think it will be before she starts laying down the law? LOL

    It's interesting you have that recurrent dream. I think it's probably healthy that you talk to Mr. Moon about it, even though it has little to do with him and more with fear of abandonment in general. I laughed at Linda Sue mentioning Jolene!

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    1. She probably already has started making her wishes quite well known. I'm a little surprised too that things went so well.
      Damn Jolene! That hussy!

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  9. I'm betting the school has no idea what they are in for when it comes to Miss Maggie. Funny to think that she walked off to class without a care in world, when it seems like just yesterday she couldn't bear to go to dance class.

    Wishing you some sweeter, more light-hearted dreams.

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    1. Isn't that the truth, Mary? And now she loves dance class so she's coming along.
      Thanks for the dream wishes. Me too!

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  10. I loved the school pix. I will bet ms. Maggie was just scoping the place out so she can get going with the improvements. They don't know what's hit them.

    Those dreams, and who'll go first. I always had the opposite hope, that he would go first, because I knew I could manage better. He could never have coped alone. And so it came to pass. I loved him too much to want him to struggle. Different strokes, etc.

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    1. Yes. I am sure that Chaires Elementary School will never be quite the same.
      And I understand completely what you mean about wishing for your husband to go first. I just absolutely feel like my husband will be able to cope. He is stronger than I am in many ways. Now- what he will eat is another thing! But honestly, I imagine he will find someone else to love who will love him back. As much as that's hard to say, I hope so. I don't want him to be alone.
      And of course, the kids will take care of their daddy. He's always taken care of them.

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  11. I divorced my ex-husband in 2010 after 33 years of marriage and I don't miss him at all. I would not have been able to spend the pandemic stuck in the house with him.
    It is nice to read about how you and your husband appreciate each other. You seem like a good match!
    Your Maggie has her big brothers that went through school before her so she knows what to expect. Hope she enjoys it!

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    1. Well, then you were perfectly right to divorce the man! Absolutely! Good on you!
      To look at Mr. Moon and me you would never think we'd be a good match and yet, somehow it has worked quite well. Our hearts match, I think.
      I believe that Maggie having big brothers will serve her well in many ways.

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    2. I divorced after 26 years too Ellen and I am so glad not to be stuck with my ex. He's somebody else's problem now!

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  12. go Maggie. she'll be the boss of all of them by weeks end. that little red bug is probably a baby stink bug. I weeded and turned in some compost in a section of one of the flower beds in preparation for more zinnias yesterday.

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    1. I need to get on my zinnia game. We had thought to plant them outside the garden fence but then we realized that the chickens will pull them all. We need to just make a designated zinnia bed IN the garden.

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  13. School resuming is HUGE... I'm glad Maggie's first day of it ever went so well.

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  14. I'm glad to hear that the first day "back" went well for the grandchildren, and I hope it continues! I go back to in-person teaching in a couple of weeks which I'm feeling rather ambivalent about. "Opening up" in general makes me feel ambivalent, and I always feel like a freak when I hear people gushing about "getting back to normal," etc.

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    1. Right? Getting back to normal? Normal for WHO?

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  15. i think my zinnias from last year self seeded. i hope it's not too soon up here - we could still have a freeze even though we've had 70+ degree days already. we are more in that 'i haven't believe one of us hasn't ended the other yet' stage of marriage in order to collect what i refer to as wife insurance.

    xxalainaxx

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  16. Oh lord I am so far behind reading posts. Never in my 10+ years of reading you have I done this. Ugh. Maggie's first day made my heart pulse a little extra and my eyes tear up. I love that the world has this fierce woman child in it.

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Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.