I had an extremely traumatic experience this morning. I've been biting my tongue in my sleep and it hurts like hell. Sometimes I wake up feeling like something very red has exploded in my mouth. A painful sort of red. A shockingly painful shocking red.
Like that. And this morning, even though I didn't know I'd bitten my tongue, that must have been what woke me up because suddenly I had a mouthful of shockingly red blood. And a little pain.
Having a sudden mouthful of blood is not what one expects upon arising. I panicked for a second. I'm not going to lie to you. I could not figure out where it was coming from until I went and stuck my tongue out in the mirror and saw a tiny little place where the blood was just pouring out. I felt like a freakin' vampire. I must have bitten through a capillary or something. I held a washcloth to it and it soon ceased and I haven't seen another drop all day.
But Jesus. What a way to start the day. I guess I need to start wearing that mouthguard again. Between that and the splint I wear for my fucked up wrist, I feel totally sexy when I go to bed.
I messed around here this morning for as long as I could get away with and then I drove to town.
Yep. I went to Target.
That was a trip. First thing I saw was their weird-as-shit prairie dress collection. I've read about this and seen some of the resulting photography projects (please go here and check it out) but I did not realize the true hideousness of these garments.
Y'all! I would not be seen de-pooping my chicken house in that...dress? And I am a person who wears overalls with one strap held together with a ducky diaper pin.
I cannot imagine a soul on this earth who would look good in it. Not even Uma Thurman who, before she had her face rearranged by a plastic surgeon was, in my opinion, ethereally beautiful. No. Body.
I finally tore myself away from the car-wreck-like horror and realized that things had been vastly rearranged in the store. I wandered around for awhile, constantly trying to remind myself of why I was there, which was to buy bins or baskets or something for shelf-organizing. Turns out they have organizing vessels in almost every department. We all need more organization in our lives, obviously. I was staring at some cloth cubes when a darling young man approached me to ask if he could help me with anything. I told him that it had been a year since I'd been in a Target and that honestly, I mostly needed a tranquilizer. He began to dig in his fanny pack.
Do not ask me why he was wearing a fanny pack.
Now that I think about it, I may have only assumed he was an employee.
I said, "I'm kidding, I'm kidding! I have my own!" and he laughed. I laughed. We all laughed.
I ended up buying about seven plastic bins and also, four new towels and two new washcloths. I haven't bought new towels in seventeen years and I decided it was time.
I looked at a bunch of other stuff but did not buy any of it. I kept thinking that there was something I was going to look at but I couldn't remember what it was and I still can't so I must not have needed it very much.