A Tiny Surprise Party Which Was Actually A Surprise!

I swear to god, I can be, as my friend Sue used to say, a funny little critter.

When I got to the Opera House tonight for a rehearsal I was very late as there'd been a wreck on the road into town and it held up traffic for quite awhile and anyway, when I came in the door I was quite shocked to see everyone already there, sitting in a circle wearing funny party hats.

What the fuck? I mean- I had no clue.

And there was a cake and cards and ice cream and even a present! For me!
The thought had never crossed my mind that they would do that, despite the fact that we celebrate everyone's birthdays at the Opera House and I have made a few of the cakes myself. And still- I was completely taken aback!
There were plates and napkins and the hats which all said, "Birthday Princess" on them and I was just so touched. I don't know the last time I felt like a birthday princess.
Ever?

Well. It was something and it's been a grand birthday week and the other night I told Mr. Moon that the party had been wonderful but all that fru-fra! Really? For me? And he said, "A lot of people love you and they just want to show you that."

It was somehow shocking to hear those words. I mean, in theory I know without a doubt that I am loved but in my heart, there is still that fat little girl who knows that the people at her party are only there for the cake and Kool-Aid. Really. I know because they treated me like shit at school and tormented me and then there they were at parties making nice and pinning the tail on the donkey.

Yep. Cake and Kool-Aid.

Which is not to say I haven't had some amazing birthdays. I truly have. My thirtieth birthday was the one where Mr. Moon made me a coconut cake from scratch and asked me to marry him. That was the best one, I would think. So good, in fact, that perhaps it ruined me for the rest of them. I mean really! They have to be downhill from there, right?

But my fortieth birthday was fine and fabulous too. My old friend Mary Lane from Jr. High came to visit and a bunch of us maybe or maybe not partook of some tea made from the local fungi and canoed on a lake at night and it was magical.

And last year? In Cozumel? Ah. We went out for supper, we danced, we went and got ice cream and drove home on the little scooter-bike through the island jungle to our precious, cozy little room on the water.
Hold on a moment. I'm closing my eyes and remembering how that felt, how it smelled as we drove through the hot, soft night beside the sea.
Yeah. It felt real good.

So I've had some good birthdays. I have had some GREAT birthdays.
And so far, this has been one too.

Tomorrow I hope to get up and take a walk and pack some things and then go for some filming and then come home and wait for Mr. Moon and then we'll get in the car and head up north and I think it's going to be just so much fun. It'll be hard to leave my loves behind. When Owen left today Lily said, "You might not see him for a week."
"Oh no," I said. "No way."

You know what he did today? I took my glasses off and he kissed my eyes. He put his little mouth up there and gave my eyes that open-mouth, full-on baby kiss and he let me tickle him with my eye-lashes and he loved it.
Now can I leave that behind for long?
No.

And Jessie's leaving for Colorado on Monday and I need to see Kathleen almost every day because I just do and there's the play and my chickens and my plants and my home. My home.
And my kids. Whom even if I don't get to see every day, I need to feel as if I could if I needed to. Close enough to get my arms around them, lay hands on them if they need that. Or if I do.

God. I feel like some old oak tree so firmly rooted that she can't move.

But I'm not. Not an oak tree at all. I do have roots but I can leave them behind for a few days and go off and have fun.
And I'm not a birthday princess either, but tonight I felt like one with all those sweet people singing to me.

Mmmph. Who knew that life could be so damn sweet at the age of almost-fifty-six?

Well. I'll see you on my birthday.
And you know what?
All of you- all of YOU- make me feel very loved and very supported and well, I can't even say how lucky I feel to have you in my life. The ones who leave comments and the ones who don't but come back to read almost every day.
I am as taken-aback by that as I was to see everyone wearing party hats tonight. Probably more so.
I never would have imagined.

Night, y'all. Thanks for everything. You have no idea how much I mean that.

Love...Mary