Monday, July 12, 2010

Tap Dancing Throught The Heat And One Great Quote



Holy mother of god; Jesus, Mary and Joseph. I am tired.
But it's okay. It's not a bad tired and I am in the amazing position of having not one thing I need to do. Not really. Mr. Moon has gone to auction and Owen has gone home and the chickens don't need anything except for me to shut their door against predators when they go to bed and I have leftovers out the yang for my supper.

So.

Just me. And my land line is broken and my cell phone has like almost no charge and Mr. Moon took our one charger (seriously) to auction with him so if you need me, you better just e-mail me because by some gift of the magi, my internet is still working. Yet another mystery I do not care to explore but just accept and accept gracefully.

Amen, Hallelujah and pass the crushed red pepper.

There are so many things I was thinking about talking about. One was disassociation which is that weird thing you do when you're in a situation when you're really, really not sure you want to be in it so you're sort of floating above it and have to keep calling your body and mind to merge and be in your seat again.
That's what I do in medical situations so I have been disassociating a lot and I am fighting that. I want to be fully aware and present for Kathleen and I have found that the best way to deal with the problem is to grab someone's hand. Kathleen probably thinks that I grab her hand to comfort her but really, it's for me. It's a selfish grabbing. Is that okay?

And I wanted to say that I feel somewhat guilty over my last night's post about Gwyneth Paltrow. As I said, it was a cheap shot. I shouldn't be picking on anyone, even a preternaturally thin blond celebrity who obviously has eating issues.

And I wanted to talk about North Florida in the month of July and August too. How hot and humid it is but it's hot all over the world and I know that and I'm not complaining. I'm just saying that it's extremely oppressive and it's the time of year we all need to make slow, deliberate moves and watch where we're stepping or grabbing because if it's not snakes, it's poison ivy and it's almost impossible to get as much water into our bodies is as we sweat out of them, and besides that, we don't have gills and the air is as thick with water as it can get and I'm not kidding. The rain comes and it is a relief and a joy but then the ground steams and it's like we're all walking around in a sauna and yes, saunas are healthy but not especially to live and work in.

And I wanted to say that Owen is walking more voluntarily and with more assurance and that he didn't kiss me although he did kiss the dolly I have for him to play with in the bathroom. It's okay. I stole about a million kisses from him and he's none the worse for it, as far as I can tell.

Here's a picture of him, hot and sweaty and with a rain drop or two on his face after we went to the post office. He's holding a card from dear Billy and Shayla who sent me some pictures of our boys which are now on the refrigerator.



And I wanted to say that I finally, FINALLY got my star magnolia planted and boy, does that make me happy and it probably makes the magnolia even happier. It had busted out of its pot but now it's tucked into the ground in my back yard and that's a comfort and a glory.

So I guess that's about it from Lloyd, Florida. My little life here in the heat and humidity of North Florida on July 12, 2010.
Let me just end with a quote from Walt Whitman which my dear friend K. sent me and I'm not sure why but I'm glad he did. I keep reading it and trying to measure myself against it and then stopping myself and just enjoying it for its beauty and remembering that we all have much to strive for, especially me, as imperfect as I am, but trying to remember to love the lines of my lips and face and to regard the spaces between my eye-lashes as being as fluent as anything I could write.

Amen. Hallelujah. Pass the crushed red pepper and perhaps mascara is not a bad thing.

This is what you shall do: Love the earth and sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence toward the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of men, go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and with the mothers of families, read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life, re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul; and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body… — Preface to Leaves of Grass, 1855



23 comments:

  1. I remember reading that quote years ago, and it still moves me.
    I love your ramblings! Makes me feel like we're sitting on the porch chattin' it up trying not to move as we speak to keep from sweating our rear ends off ;) But I bet you make wild crazy hand gestures when you talk!

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  2. Great quote, and great picture of Walk. He's a cool lookin guy!

    Sorry bout your dissociating. I do the same when I'm stressed... Hope things wirh K are going well.

    I tried to call on your dead phone today to tell you that marc got a real live grown up job offer today from the PD's office and we took it! It's going to be so great to have benies again and to have a normal schedule... we still won't have money, but if I make some too, it should be plenty! woo hoo!

    Also, Owen is so darling. I can really see both sides of the family in him... He's got everyone's good features! Hey speaking of which, I saw a girl on the cover of Scientific American Mind edition today who looked so much like our Jessie I could not believe it! Same cute hair cut too. Beautiful!

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  3. Corinne- How did you know about the crazy hand-gestures? You been reading Kathleen's blog or something?

    Ms. Fleur- YAY!! Awesome! I am so happy for you guys! That is wonderful news about Marc's job!
    I will try and look up that SA cover.

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  4. Lovely -- but I am wondering what Walt Whitman would have to say about Gwyneth's "hardest thing to bear?"

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  5. Elizabeth- I have no idea but he was a pretty compassionate and enlightened guy.

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  6. "despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants"

    yes, that

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  7. DTG- I know. It's sort of like he's one of the family. Mostly.

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  8. I celebrate and sing myself...I always liked that from Leaves of Grass. And I do that today.

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  9. I've never read any Walt Whitman. He sounds like my kinda guy. Off to find Leaves of Grass.

    Thanks
    xoxoxo

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  10. Good quote, handsome junked springs,
    and damn, my landline went out, too, and there's not much in the way of cell service out here. Fortunately the dish is working so I have the computer connection. But it's a reminder of how nuts we would all be within a matter of hours if grids and satellites got knocked out.... not an issue Walt ever had to address....

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  11. My eye misread that shot of you and Owen in the mirror and turned the frame into a grand curved parapet,
    viewed from below. I wondered if this was some magical part of your house.
    Well, of course it is.....

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  12. Walt Whitman was a rockstar.
    So is Owen.
    And his grandma.

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  13. I posted it at my place. Couldn't resist!

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  14. He has a great expression for his time period. May my own flesh be a great poem as well.

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  15. Ah, don't feel bad. You've got a right to your opinion, Ms. Moon.

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  16. I've also heard that described as "derealization" and it's an anxiety thing that I get sometimes and it freaks me out because sometimes it happens to me when I'm driving. However, once it happened when I wasn't, and my husband suggested trying "to enjoy it" since it wasn't dangerous...and it changed everything. I surrendered to it and maybe it was a little trippy, but it seemed to end faster and I felt like I was still very aware of everything around me-maybe more so. It's almost like I'm afraid if I let go, I'll look nuts or something, but I didn't-I was with my kids with lots of other folks and I was fine. Of course, I understand that there are times when that isn't appropriate, and those times, I'll try the hand-holding for sure!! But I don't know Ms. Moon, you strike me as someone who could enjoy a trippy experience once upon a time. :)

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  17. "your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body… "

    swept away!!!!

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  18. Thanks for the Whitman quote. I'm printing it out and putting it up on my fridge. That is surely a tall order from Uncle Walt, is it not?

    I love Walt Whitman's face. It is great and formidable and filled with ferocious intelligence, like Samuel Clemens's. Both men make me proud to be American, which is more than I can say for most of our politicians and celebrities (Paul Newman excepted, of course. Paul had a pretty terrific mug, too.).

    The photo of Owen is precious. Another great American face.

    Love you dearly Dear,

    SB

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  19. Syd- I know. Lovely.

    Michelle- Lord, honey. It's time.

    A- I can't even imagine the withdrawal pains I'd have. It's sick. And yes, that is a rather magical place in my house.

    Lisa- Everybody is a star.

    Ms. Fleur- Excellent!

    Sandra- I bet it is already.

    Angie M- I know. But she couldn't have really MEANT that.

    Roserain- Indeed I did enjoy a trippy experience or two. How did you know?

    rebecca- Me too.

    Ms. Bastard-Beloved- I know. His face is just amazingly beautiful. A poem for sure, in and of itself.
    You are loved, dearie!

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  20. Fabulous picture of you & Owen! And your words were good too, as always. But I LOVED the picture.

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  21. words give me life.

    can that be?

    sigh...

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  22. Good LAWD, MM, that granbaby of yours is handsome!!!

    Thanks for sharing the quote...I love it.

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