Saturday, July 17, 2010

Let's Be Silly As Billy, Let's Rhyme All The Time

I woke up this morning and Mr. Moon had been gone for hours to Georgia to look at this property he has sniffed out which he may hunt on next fall. Mr. Moon does not do things like most people. He does not find a "hunt club" and sign up and so forth. No. He does not.
Like when my AC broke in the car. Does he go and order a new whateverthefuck that thing was which was broken? Again. No. He does not. He finds one somewhere on the internet or through magical ways and he gets it and he fixes my AC.
When he built the chicken coop he found wood here and wire there and tin for the roof in yet another place and sometimes he found something and then changed his design to incorporate that and he is, shall we say, ingenious?
Well. He is. He looks at a problem or a project and he figures out how best to make it work and that way may not be the easiest way but it is generally the least expensive way and it sometimes drives me mad but in the end, he is the reason I am not living in a van down by the river or a box under the overpass and who am I to complain?
He left me a note by the coffee this morning. See photo above. And because it's nearing unto my birthday and I always fall apart this time of year (except for last year when I knew I was going to be in Cozumel for my birthday and THERE WAS NOT ONE MOLECULE OF FALLING APART THEN, NO THERE WAS NOT!), and because well, life just gets really sticky this time of year, I was feeling all weird this morning. The man had been so excited to go see this property. He was trying to downplay but it wasn't working. I have lived with him for twenty-six years. I know when he's so excited he's about to pee in his pants, even if he's acting all cool and stuff.
But anyway, back to this morning and I found that note and all I could think of was the "being who you are" part of it and WHO THE HELL AM I? and boy, that's romantic. Sweet but not so romantic. And he was so excited because he's planning his hunting life for this year and I wish that anything that I did or do made him that excited.
Do you know what I mean?
And after twenty-six years I realize that this is who this man is. He loves to hunt. It has nothing to do with me. Which may be the crux of my annoyance. But I love him, he loves to hunt, there you go. Hunt, baby.
If I can't love him for being who he is then I am not really loving him at all, just some fantasy of loving him and he, being Zen Glen, knows this in his heart and maybe he really does love me for being who I am. Really. And isn't that what we all want?

Okay. Where was I?

And then I remembered that I HUNG UP on a state trouper last night who called to no doubt ask me for money for FAST which I assume means Florida Association of State Troopers. I hung up on him. I didn't do what I usually do which is to wait until the initial greeting and plea have been made and then I explain that I don't respond to anything solicited on the phone and then I hang up. Nope. I just hung up.
Why waste anyone's time? I was cooking dinner.

So then, thinking about this, the phrase "click it or ticket" came to my mind. And then the phrase "use it or lose it" and then I just got silly. Well, my mind got silly. And I started thinking of lots of phrases and I felt like Steve Martin or someone so here you go. Here's some good advice from Ms. Moon on this Saturday morning and keep in mind that she is going slightly nuts. Feel free to go there with me.

Click it or ticket. In fact, click it or tick it.
Shake it and bake it.
Bake it and take it.
Use it or lose it. Lose it and don't use it.
Eat it or beat it, mop it or stop it. Pope it or dope it. Dope it or rope it. Rope it or mope it.
Fuck it up or muck it up. Fuck it and suck it. (Classic)
Piss it or miss it. Miss it or kiss it. Don't kiss it AND piss it (off).
Raise it and praise it. (Hell, kids, or vegetables.) Grow it and show it.
Love it, don't shove it. Dress it and bless it. Dance it and prance it. Cram it and ram it. TAKE IT AND SHAKE IT! Deal it and feel it. Drink it or think it. Whip it and sip it. Teach it, don't preach it. Eat peaches, NOT leeches.
Mate it and rate it. Rate it, then mate it. Jump it, then pump it. (Ooh, that's a good one!)

Dig out and wig out.
Make out and take out, shake out and rake out. Break out!
Sleep on it, creep on it. Sleep on it, then (bleep!) on it.
Yearn for it, turn for it.
Dangle it and spangle it (that's for you boys).
Spangle, don't tangle. Wrangle it AND tangle it.
Love it, don't leave it. Love it AND leave it. Come back and attack. Detect it, reject it.
Make it. Don't fake it. Or fake it 'til you make it. Shake it, don't break it. (And if you don't want my peaches don't you shake up on my tree.)
Stir and purr. Sit and shit. Lay and play. Play and stay. Walk it AND talk it.
Try it and buy it. Buy it and fly it. Fly, don't ask why.
Tickle your pickle, wiggle your waggle, bitch it and itch it, fold it and hold it, spend it and rend it, give it and live it, live it, THEN give it.
Tell it and sell it. Bail it then sail it. Fish it then dish it, plate it then rate it.

Read me, then feed me. Hold me, enfold me. Razzle me, dazzle me. Cry to me, lie to me. Meet with me, eat with me, tease me and please me, fly with me, ask why with me, cry with me.
Catch me and patch me. Feed me and breed me. Desire me and fire me (up).
Live with me, give with me. Lie with me, die with me. Wake with me, take with me. Grow with me, show with me.
Go slow with me.

Now you. Give me yours. Let's be silly. It's Saturday. Silliness is better than sadness and if you're making silly rhymes it's harder to travel to the land of crazy.

Spend a while with me, smile with me. Spend some time with me, rhyme with me. If you have the inclination for the situation.

(Oh god, I can't stop!)

Rap it and wrap it, tap it and slap it. Pop me and stop me!

Thank-you. Be who you are. I'll love you for it.

And remember:

Write it, I'll bite it. Don't fight me. All righty?


  1. Goose me, buss me, or hunt a moose for free, goodness gracious, Ms. Moon has gone all Dr. Seuss on me.

  2. I feel your pain.
    It drives me insane.
    Only it's golf here,
    instead of hunting.

  3. You covered more than I could dream of here. Mr. Moon sounds like me working on the boat. I could have taken it to the yard but it felt better to do it myself. And he does love you for who you are. Nice that is.

  4. I also meant to say the little heart is sweet, Ms. Moon. He's loved you for 26 years? I think that's real nice. I bet he's getting something good out of it.

    Joe doesn't leave notes. At least, I've never seen any. I'm the one who leaves notes. Sometimes my notes have footnotes. Guess he figures I write enough for both of us.

  5. I don't even know how this relates, maybe just how you love Mr Moon because of who he is.......

    But anytime Kevin is thinking about spending more than $100 on anything ANYTHING, his face gets 12 shades of red. I can totally tell before he pulls out the debit card if he's going to say yes to the salesman or not by the color of his face.

    I really love this about Kevin. How his face gets so red and he gets so nervous about spending $100 dollars. $100 dollars that isn't even 'charged'. It's money we actually HAVE in the account. He's great.

  6. I loved the peaches not leeches the best. But you're so funny and clever and nuts. Love it (I won't shove it).

    Uh, hm, I'm not good at this stuff.
    You won't get this unless you've read my recent post, but how bout: Whores not Borers.

  7. I'm quite sure there's SOMETHING you do that excites Mr Moon


  8. Michele R- And ad agency.

    Ms. Trouble- Aha!

    Syd- He says so. I sure hope so. Sometimes when he says, "I love you," I say, "Why?"

    Ms. Trouble- It's funny but Mr. Moon is the note-leaver in this family.

    Rebecca- Maybe they are brothers.

    Bethany- Works for me, baby!

    Michelle- Sometimes. Yes. Sometimes that's very true.

  9. I wish I was half as clever as you!

  10. I told you I had this exact same conversation, inspired by click it or ticket. Wine it and dine it!

  11. Angie M- Clever? Silly.

    DTG- Wine it and dine it! Of course! I forgot that one!

  12. How did I miss this post yesterday? Oh, yeah -- the computer was off all day!

    Off it or boff it!

  13. Elizabeth- Good one! And...Boff it then get off it.

  14. Ms. Moon,
    Yo, you are one hot rappin' ho. Move over Kanye West, you've met the best.



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