Friday, June 11, 2010

Trying To Apply Logic To An Illogical Situation

It's Friday morning and Mr. Moon is loading up the boat and me? I'm sitting here doing this. I haven't packed so much as my toothbrush. In fact, I just got up a few minutes ago.
Anyway, here's some pictures from yesterday:

Owen and I fed the chickens some watermelon and after it was all gone I put the bowl down for the gals to drink the juice and they did and then they looked at me and said, "More please."
I love that picture.

We went to the little supper in town for Hank. Here he is:

King of the Table, the Birthday Man with his PBR. It was a good gathering but Lord, that place was loud and I'm getting too old for such loud celebrations. Chickens drinking watermelon juice is more my style.

Owen was tired and cranky but we just kept passing him off to each other and feeding him bits of this and that. I took him some sweet potato but he really wanted onion rings and was slightly miffed that he couldn't have some.

He made do with love.
Is any boy in this world so lucky? Probably not.

Anyway, back to my task at hand. Getting ready to go to the island. I have to tell you, I am feeling a bit of trepidation about going. Honest to god, I think I have PTSD about the place. Can I just tell you that if you ever think you're going insane that really, you should not go to a virtually deserted island by yourself for your birthday?
I remember being there, feeling so crazy and walking and walking and walking, thinking that surely I could physically remove myself from the place my mind was in which was constant and unabating anxiety. I had no medication, I had no one. I had only myself and my mind which was sick and books and DVD's of My Name Is Earl to play on my computer and they may have saved my life. I had a rotten internet connection. I had food which I did not want to eat.
It was very bad. A very bad time.
And then Mr. Moon came and saved me but still- even though he was there, I was lost within my sick-mind self completely and fully but at least I knew I was safe from certain things because of his presence.
Myself. I was safe from myself.

And since then, it's been hard for me to go to the island. I've been back but not very often.
And I think I am just scared. That is the emotion which I believe is ruling my head and heart right now. It's not logical and I know damn well that a feeling is just a feeling but that is the feeling I have.
Scared to the point of a little bit of terror. And I feel so weak and I feel so childlike in admitting this.
Throw in the fact that this may be the last or one of the last times I ever see the island in its pristine condition and well- let's just say I'm taking DVD's of Northern Exposure.

But, Mr. Moon already has the boat on the trailer and I haven't packed one damn thing. I need to go do that.

I have no idea if I'll be able to get online while I'm there. I have a little dial-up modem device I can plug in and sometimes it works and often it doesn't. So if I'm silent for awhile (and we may stay until Monday morning) that's why. I'm sure I'll be fine.

But I'll miss our blessourhearts community so much. I don't know if I can even tell you how much.

I am going to polish up a short story while I'm there. I'm looking forward to that. And Mr. Moon and I will play cards and maybe even Scrabble and I'll walk as much as I can because I do so love to walk on that island. See it as it is, as it has been for thousands of years, as it may never be again.
Watch the sunsets. The high point of every day- the sunset over the bay.

Time to pack. For real.
Love you all so much. I hope you have a lovely weekend. I'll see you soon. And there will be pictures.

Happy Friday, y'all.
Love....Ms. Moon


  1. Smell the ocean air and curl your toes in some white sand, for me, please.

  2. I hope you find yourself pleasantly surprised by your trip. Here's to enjoying it all!

  3. For one week a year I go to my favorite hidden place on the beach. No internet, no cell phone, no cable. After about 3 days of shear panic the silence breaks though and I can hear my voice whispering in the breeze. Tide pools and beach treasures and cloud animals divert my attention. Stress and fatigue melt away, and I become whole again.
    Listen to the wind, look under leaves. Observe.
    Don't let the panic speak louder than your own whispering voice...
    Come back whole again.

  4. I love you, Mary. Everything will be just fine. SB says so.

    Catch you Monday. I'll be thinking of you.


  5. What Kate said is perfect ~ I also wish those things for you. Have a magical time with Mr. Moon in your special place and come back rejuvenated and happy and energized!

  6. It sounds like a wonderful retreat. I think all will be well. Dig your toes into the sand and run naked through the surf. Nature and the beach and an island--that's paradise to me.

  7. This might be too late,
    but I think you will be more than fine.
    I'll be thinking of you,

    and I'll be away this weekend, though not on an island paradise,... sigh.

  8. I think you are going to be OK. It sounds like a wonderful weekend to me. You will be glad you went because who knows what it will be like once the oil hits. Stay safe and I can't wait to see the pictures!

  9. I would be scared too. I remember when you went on that trip and your terrified posts from then. I am thinking of you this weekend

  10. oh, have a great time.

    I hope this trip brings good things - that you tackle those fears.

  11. Is there anything sweeter than looking at something and saying, "Look what I did!"

    That's how you'll feel after this weekend.


  12. I get your anxiety and hope that it doesn't re-occur. And if it does, you will be safe. And we're always here, waiting for you to come home.

    Love and safety and peace to you!

  13. Mr. Moon plays Scrabble as well? Dammit woman, is there any way in which that man isn't perfect?

    Have a good time on your island, and see you on Monday! Much love to you. x

  14. Sounds to me like you've packed courage...and everything else is lagniappe.

    Hope this is a time that soothes your heart and feeds your soul. And I'm hoping to read your short story on your return.

  15. You will be fine, I just know it.

    This time you will be looking back at it all and saying pshaw, what was I scared of?

    Hey, dont forget, even beautiful Grandma's continue to grow and grow and grow :))

    Thinking of you on that lovely island....

  16. I hope you have a lovely time and your fear subsides.
    I hope your beach is pristine and the sunsets seep into your bones.
    Have a wonderful time, Ms Moon.

    PS - LOVE your the Elvis picture on your header. He is awesome.

  17. ah i love that pic of may, owen and jessie,,:-) so so nice..:-)

    i m off for the weekened too..even though i wish i could join u on ur island..:-)

    have a good time...:-)

  18. I hope so much it's calming for you this time. LOVE,

  19. Hope you are having a peaceful, soothing time even as I write this on Saturday afternoon. Looking forward to the pictures and story on your return. Kisses...N2

  20. yes, looking forward to hearing from you when you settle in, home again. I am sure that you are safe and sound and your soul is receiving all you need. blessings.

  21. i hope you are having a great time! i miss you though. come back soon!

  22. i get this so much.
    thinking of you.
    you are brave.

  23. I am hoping you're on your way home by now, feeling whole and revived.


Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.