Friday, June 11, 2010
Trying To Apply Logic To An Illogical Situation
It's Friday morning and Mr. Moon is loading up the boat and me? I'm sitting here doing this. I haven't packed so much as my toothbrush. In fact, I just got up a few minutes ago.
Anyway, here's some pictures from yesterday:
Owen and I fed the chickens some watermelon and after it was all gone I put the bowl down for the gals to drink the juice and they did and then they looked at me and said, "More please."
I love that picture.
We went to the little supper in town for Hank. Here he is:
King of the Table, the Birthday Man with his PBR. It was a good gathering but Lord, that place was loud and I'm getting too old for such loud celebrations. Chickens drinking watermelon juice is more my style.
Owen was tired and cranky but we just kept passing him off to each other and feeding him bits of this and that. I took him some sweet potato but he really wanted onion rings and was slightly miffed that he couldn't have some.
He made do with love.
Is any boy in this world so lucky? Probably not.
Anyway, back to my task at hand. Getting ready to go to the island. I have to tell you, I am feeling a bit of trepidation about going. Honest to god, I think I have PTSD about the place. Can I just tell you that if you ever think you're going insane that really, you should not go to a virtually deserted island by yourself for your birthday?
I remember being there, feeling so crazy and walking and walking and walking, thinking that surely I could physically remove myself from the place my mind was in which was constant and unabating anxiety. I had no medication, I had no one. I had only myself and my mind which was sick and books and DVD's of My Name Is Earl to play on my computer and they may have saved my life. I had a rotten internet connection. I had food which I did not want to eat.
It was very bad. A very bad time.
And then Mr. Moon came and saved me but still- even though he was there, I was lost within my sick-mind self completely and fully but at least I knew I was safe from certain things because of his presence.
Myself. I was safe from myself.
And since then, it's been hard for me to go to the island. I've been back but not very often.
And I think I am just scared. That is the emotion which I believe is ruling my head and heart right now. It's not logical and I know damn well that a feeling is just a feeling but that is the feeling I have.
Scared to the point of a little bit of terror. And I feel so weak and I feel so childlike in admitting this.
Throw in the fact that this may be the last or one of the last times I ever see the island in its pristine condition and well- let's just say I'm taking DVD's of Northern Exposure.
But, Mr. Moon already has the boat on the trailer and I haven't packed one damn thing. I need to go do that.
I have no idea if I'll be able to get online while I'm there. I have a little dial-up modem device I can plug in and sometimes it works and often it doesn't. So if I'm silent for awhile (and we may stay until Monday morning) that's why. I'm sure I'll be fine.
But I'll miss our blessourhearts community so much. I don't know if I can even tell you how much.
I am going to polish up a short story while I'm there. I'm looking forward to that. And Mr. Moon and I will play cards and maybe even Scrabble and I'll walk as much as I can because I do so love to walk on that island. See it as it is, as it has been for thousands of years, as it may never be again.
Watch the sunsets. The high point of every day- the sunset over the bay.
Time to pack. For real.
Love you all so much. I hope you have a lovely weekend. I'll see you soon. And there will be pictures.
Happy Friday, y'all.