Monday, June 7, 2010

I Feel Bitchy


Oh so bitchy.
I feel bitchy and witchy and mean!

Seriously. I do.

Is that okay? Fuck it if it isn't.

And it's all just because of the heat and the fact that I worked in the garden yesterday when it was really too hot and too humid. Little rainstorms would come and I'd just keep working because the rain at least would cool things off but it never rained enough to help.
And it's because I'm a weird, crazy old woman who, every time she is reminded of her blessings, goes off the deep end with feeling like she doesn't deserve any of them.
And it's all adding up to one of those bitchy, witchy days.
I went to yoga. It was fine. I am not walking. As I said to Kathleen in an e-mail, if I walked today I would end up lying down on the path through the woods, just plain old dead and the vultures would get me and the snakes would crawl over me and I WOULD NOT CARE! So, no walk today although perhaps later this evening when it cools off some (haha!) I'll go see about some blackberries. Mr. Moon and I never did get around to that yesterday. After my gardening and his work on a car in the hot garage, we were DONE and drank beer and played cards and had dinner and went to bed.

So here are some things which are annoying me today just because I am already annoyed:

1. My neighbor's animals. On one side of me I have neighbors who keep a lot of animals. Goats, donkey's, horses, chickens, a turkey, two guinea hens, a myriad of dogs, etc. The smell from the yard has never bothered me. Sometimes it would get a bit...rich, but just nice old farmyard smell. But since they started adding to their chicken collection in a manner which I find to be frightening, the smell has grown to be just this side of intolerable. And what do you do? I'm afraid of that woman, frankly. She's tougher than nails and wrestles her beasts around like a yeoman. I'm not sure what a yeoman is, but she reminds me of one.
And as the heat and the chicken count over there mount, it is getting to the point where I can smell it all from my garden and it's not pleasant.

2. My hair. It is too long. I have to get some inches chopped off. I must! It gets soaking wet when I walk or work outside which I do every day of my life and since I keep it up it stays wet until I go to bed at night. Sweet, right? It's driving me crazy. If I don't do something I'm going to end up grabbing Mr. Moon's scissors and hair trimmer and cutting it all off and then setting the guard on the trimmer at zero.
I think Owen would be freaked out by the results and Mr. Moon would weep so I cannot let it get to that point.

3. My refrigerator. It is on its last legs, I am afraid. Even though it is set at the lowest setting, it is freezing everything in it. Including the eggs which break and are...frozen inside. You cannot put frozen almond milk on your morning twigs and berries. You can try but it doesn't work.
This is not really such a big deal. It would obviously be a much bigger deal if it wasn't getting anything cold and I know that. But still. It's annoying.

4. Hot flashes. I have nothing more to say about that except that honestly, one of these days I'm going to strip naked in a public place and jump into a freezer. They will find me naked wedged into the Kool Whip display. This will not be good.

5. Fatness. My own. I don't want to talk about that.

6. Dogs who shit and piss in the house. I want to KILL them with my bare hands. We no longer let Zeke sleep with us and this means I am getting NO pleasure from these dogs at all. Well, I do love old Pearl. Here is a picture which, if you look at closely, you can see Pearl in. Owen is feeding her from his high chair. I think he believes he is getting away with something. Pearl knows she's getting away with something.


7. Many other things which I cannot discuss here. Okay. Here's another one I can- Rush Gasbag Limbaugh got married for the fourth time and frankly, I can't understand how he ever managed to find ONE woman who would marry him, much less four. The first three obviously wised up and so will this one, eventually. But the thing which REALLY annoys me is that Elton John played at the reception. Really Elton? I know you got a million bucks for the gig (supposedly) but that rips it for you and me. Done. It was bad enough when you played a concert at Chichen Itza without doing the ceremony the Mayan holy men told you to do beforehand to appease the spirits of that sacred place and a part of the stage collapsed and three workers were injured. That was NOT RESPECTFUL but honestly- Rush Limbaugh?
Bite my ass.

Okay. That's enough. I need to go to town and that's annoying too. And I'm not seeing Owen today and that's REALLY annoying the hell out of me. That's probably my entire problem.
I miss my boy and I am certain he misses his grandmother.
Ah well. He'll probably survive.
And so will I.

Signing off in bitchiness....Ms. Moon

33 comments:

  1. Damn I'm SO dissapointed in Elton. What the hell is he thinking? Seriously?

    I am in the bitch mode too. My tooth was pulled and now it's infected and I'm missing work to go back in a few hours and have them poke around in there and it HURTS SO BAD. I have a big lump in my jaw.

    Also we are broke this week to the MAX.

    Also I have a migrane from this tooth infection so my whole head is just suck.

    I'm worried about the baby because I don't feel anything. I'm not supposed to worry because I'm 15 weeks and often you don't feel anything but I did with Lola and since I'm not now I'm really worried and I can't do a damn thing aout it until my appointment on the 15th.

    And I've barely been able to eat for two days because of my tooth so I'm so hungry.

    Yeah.

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  2. Oh! And I'm sick of dogs shitting in the house too. SICK OF IT>

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  3. Maggie - Why do you have to wait?! Call the doctor if you need to!

    Ms. Moon - Tell it, sister!

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  4. Maggie- Unlike me, you DESERVE to feel bitchy. Anything which hurts in your head is just plain intolerable. I hope the dentist can fix you up right and you'll be able to eat again. And don't worry about not feeling the baby. Twenty weeks is that target date, even if you felt Lola earlier. But I agree with Steph- call the doctor and go let them listen. You will be so relieved.
    Now- as to the dogs and being broke- I have no suggestions but I can tell you I am sorry and that I love you tremendously.

    Steph- Obviously I felt free to do so.

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  5. Frankly I love your honesty. You can say what is on your mind and just spit it out....a cleanse of the soul!

    Barnyard smells....yes odd how we can put up with them (when they are our animals) but when the neighbor's begins to be more zoo like...well..really...with the heat...that must just be AWFUL! What to do?

    That look on Owen's face...is so funny. Caught but what are you going to do about it look. The poochies just love kids...always getting treats and the remains.

    Did Elton sell his soul to the devil or what? How could he do it? Is he in need of money or something?

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  6. Ellen- The barnyard was fine with mostly mammals but the chicken shit is overwhelming. And I say this as a true lover of chickens.
    I know. I love that picture of Owen. Me? Feeding the dog? Of course not.
    Hey! I had a thought- what if Elton took that million bucks and gave it to AIDS research or something? Or to a campaign for gay marriage. That would be rich and I would approve. But if he's just buying new window treatments, I DO NOT APPROVE.

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  7. Well,
    I won't send a cyber hug, cause even that would be too much for me when I'm in full out bitchy mode.

    great post , if that is any consolation.

    That photo of Owen is the best.
    The dog thing I don't understand ~ are they old?

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  8. Feel bitchy all you want...we are women and we are allowed to feel any damn way we want!!

    I would hug you but I'm afraid you may nip at me. I'll send good thoughts instead. :)

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  9. I love you right back with a cherry on top.

    Did you know my cousin Amalia named my little nephew Elton? So that man has a lot to live up to. :)

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  10. deb- No. The dogs are not old. Except for Pearl. They don't like to get their butts wet outside.

    Mel's Way- I would never nip at you. But you might want to wait until I take a shower to hug me. Seriously.

    Maggie- You have a nephew named Elton? Ha! Yeah. Elton J. needs to get his shit together.

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  11. Despite the bitchiness, your post is an inspiration. Because I think I'm going to do one like this as well with my own bitchy feelings. So, thanks for that.

    And I love you, too, for what it's worth -- from one bitchy lady to another --

    (and I kid you not that the word verification is piss)

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  12. Elizabeth- Bitch Away! Maybe we should all do Bitchy Mondays. We'd all end up giggling. And I love you, too. Piss?! Perfect! Piss and Moan Mondays. Hmmmm. The next big thing in blogging.

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  14. -defrost the fridge; it'll help.
    -and stand in front of it during the process; it may help the um...you know... flash things.
    -plant confederate jasmine (Rhynchospermum jasminoides) along the fence, it'll help with the smell-it's totally overwhelmed the doggie urine of my neighbors (fuckers have to pee next to my bedroom?)
    -Phatness, NOT fatness; work on your gang slang and then you can easily discuss how Phat you're livin'. Your new street name could be 'Bitchy Phats'

    the rest? well, I'm barely comfortable commenting on this much so let's stop.

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  15. Magnum- You come back and post that comment, dammit. I read it and I want it here! Bitchy Phats will cut you if you don't!
    P.S. My refrigerator is frost-free. And I think if I planted jasmine on that fence their chickens would eat it. Or their goats. Or both.
    They get no greenery and will eat anything that grows because they are so starved for it. There is not one blade of nothing growing in those pens. I do have the jasmine growing on a lot of my other fences.

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  16. Magnum- Thank-you. Perhaps it was not you who deleted a comment. If so, I apologize for that "cut" comment. You know I would never do that. Right?

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  17. I did post it, but I saw a spelling error and HAD to correct it.
    Still, let a fridge defrost (frost-free don't mean it won't go wonkey once in a while) and it'll often solve that problem.

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  18. Magnum- You are a gentleman and a scholar. Really? On the frost free thing? Huh.

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  19. I'm the king of "not this year" to replace my fridge. It may not work.

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  20. I'm not sure which is more appalling--Elton John singing at Rush Limbaugh's wedding or someone actually marrying Rush Limbaugh in the first place. Sounds like money is probably the motivating factor for both.
    Yes it's hot! My a/c broke Friday night and thankfully it was fixed on Saturday morning before it got too hot or I would have had to move in with my daughter for the weekend (which might not have been so awful because my grandkids are there but still).
    That picture of Owen is priceless. What a look on his face!

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  21. bitch away darling. Those are all good reasons. i think it is like you said, about the blessings though, the aftermath...

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  22. Oh yay! Here's my bitch: Owen just fucked up his brother's nap by banging around upstairs.

    I spend my entire life looking for their lost items---special balls, a lens from Joel's glasses.

    My boobs are too small.

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  23. There's no way I could live in Florida. No way. When we were there a couple of weeks ago the only time I found it bearable was skinny dipping after we told the villa caretaker to NOT turn on our pool's heater. Tennessee gets mighty hot and humid too, but not like that. Never like that. How can anyone function above a snarl?

    (This is the part where you're sposed to defend Florida, thus feeling better about everything. My work here is done ;-)

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  24. Not being able to get my energy up to proper bitching level (only the ickier, morose bad vibe that can't be blamed on the perfect weather here) I'll just mention that one thing about brand new refrigerators is they use way, way, way less electricity.

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  25. Was it intentional that the first lines are going through my head as the song, "I feel pretty?" Because thanks a lot for THAT one, my friend.

    And I know you are grouchy and bitchy and with good reason, but I didn't read blog one this weekend, just read this one so far today, and I am SO glad it was the first one I read. Made me smile.

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  26. Magnum- We've been "not this year"ing it for quite awhile now with this appliance. The icemaker gets all froze up and Mr. Moon has to take the hair dryer to it. I know- poor us.

    Lois- Oh god. No AC. I would die, even for one night. That is the worst thing about the aftermath of the hurricanes. And I suspect you are right on the money deal with RL's wife and wedding entertainment.

    Bethany- You know me so well. Sigh...

    Nancy C- Although the boob thing cracked me up, the disturbance of a nap would be enough to make me go into nuclear meltdown. For real.

    Laynie- Hell no. I'm not going to defend it. You are perfectly correct and we are all insane who live here. In the old days, before AC, no one expected to get anything done in the summer. You sat around and drank iced tea. But now we think we need to just keep on banging it out as if it weren't a hundred degrees with a hundred percent humidity.
    Which makes us even crazier.

    Mel- I do not want your comments to disappear! That pisses me off and annoys me! That makes me feel better about Elton. Still doesn't explain his behavior at Chichen Itza though.

    A- Oh. I hope you feel better. And I suppose a new energy saving refrigerator will be a good thing.

    Kori- YES! You got it! Ha. Sorry. Love you.

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  27. Believe me, it did. Nobody fucks with naptime. That's when I write.

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  28. Rush Limbaugh is Excrement in Broadcasting. And Elton is toast to me. C'est la guerre!

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  29. I love the idea of Piss n Moan Mondays. I would absolutely participate.

    Your bitchy side is kinda hot

    You just need one of those black dresses and the red heels and a whip. I think it could be a successful venture...

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  30. That sucks about Elton. Obviously he's lost all common sense.

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  31. I came here from "a moon, worn as if it had been a shell". Love your blog.

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  32. You, naked wedged into the Kool Whip display
    - now that picture I would like to see!

    We should get together and kill our pets. Some lovely psycho socialising.

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  33. I cannot believe that Elton would sing for Rush. I'm STILL shocked by that.

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