Saturday, June 19, 2010

That Which Makes The Cut

Sometimes the way life happens is such that if you managed to stumble on it in fiction you would think, "How clever."
Metaphors and so forth. That shit that literature classes are all about. "What did the author mean when he was talking about the roses in his garden being eaten by the slugs?"
You know.
Or if you WRITE the fiction and suddenly you see what you've done, you think, "How clever my mind is."
But when it happens in real life you just have to sit back and be amazed.
Well, I am and we all know I am a very simple woman.

Lon and Lis have left to go home and the refrigerator is here. I cleaned the stuff OFF the refrigerator last night around two (and rum HAD been involved as well as coffee) and I cleaned the stuff off the top of the refrigerator this morning and when the very pleasant and professional men from HH Gregg showed up this morning, Lon and Lis did a very fast clean-out of the interior of the refrigerator and what kind of friends will do that? Cheerfully?
God. I love those people.
So I put everything back into the new, shiny white space of coldness and I threw away some stuff from the outside and from the inside and I put a few things in an envelope for my children to deal with when I die and I put a few things up on the new refrigerator. Pictures of me and Mr. Moon, pictures of Owen and Waylon.
That's it.
And oh yeah, the old phone list which I really need to redo because okay, there are dead people on that list and I don't care what it says, I can't call them any more.
I'll get around to it.

And Lis and I had a serious and tearful heart-to-heart this morning, unburdening ourselves of things we've had inside of us for a long time (not about each other, no, other things) that we really both needed to talk about and we came through it holding hands and talking about how, as you get older, you get to a place where in every situation you have to think, "Is this good for me?" Lis said that if the answer to that question is even, "I'm not sure," she trashes the idea. We've spent years of our lives making ourselves crazy trying to fix things for other people that we have no business fixing and can't anyway. All to no avail whatsoever.

And we talked about how we've let people go in our lives. If you can't trust someone with your heart then they aren't good for you and let 'em go. Let. Them. Go.
Even if sometimes you think back about the good times you shared and you miss them but you know that the relationship isn't good, isn't healthy and you move forward. And how that means you have to really cherish and you have to really nurture the ones whom you keep because they are precious and few.

This all seems so simple but let me tell you- it's not. It takes years to figure this shit out. Well, for some of us. It's not unlike all the stuff we have in our lives that we hang on to for sentimental reasons or because we might need it "someday" or because we paid a lot of money for it or, or, or...
If it's not a functional or beautiful part of our lives, we need to let it go.

And this weekend, from the refrigerator to the gathering last night to my talk with Lis this morning has been an accelerated lesson in all of that.
The people at that table last night and who were on the stage are ALL people I trust my heart with completely. They know me. The real me. And they accept me and they love me and they nurture me and they know I want to do that for all of them.
The purest of the pure. The dearest of the dear.
Well. I wish Mr. Moon and Jason had been there, of course. But that goes without saying.

When Lon and I were walking back from the garden this morning we had our arms around each other and he said, as he always does, "We sure do love you, Mary Moon."
And I said, "Lon, sometimes I forget how much I love you and Lis." Of course I don't really, but in a way I do. I guess because that love seems too good to be real. Because there's a part of me which doesn't believe that people can really love me like that but when I'm around them, it's just too obvious to ignore.

I also told Lon that I felt as if he and Lis had brought me back to myself this weekend. That last night had been a part of that. And it's true. I've called Lis the "cake-baker, sanity-maker" before and I was reminded of that this morning.

As they were pulling out of the yard I was crying, the way I always do when they leave and Lis said, "I wish we could just come back in and make more coffee and plan what we want for dinner."
I said, "I think I have some Kahlua."
Lon asked if he should pull the car back and park it.
"No," I said, waving them on. "Go home. I love you. Go home."

And they did. They left, as they must do, and I came in and set the new refrigerator to rights, and frankly, it looks just like the old one except that it's less cluttered and that's comforting. New things will appear under magnets but I want to make sure that everything which does go up there is something important or beautiful or that I need to be reminded of. It's not that big a deal, though. Not like the people in your life.
No. That's the real, big deal. The people in your life.
And life is short. That phone list is a reminder with the names and numbers of people I've loved whom I can never call again. And the names and numbers of people I probably won't call again, even though I could.
Hell, I could throw that list away because the people I really love and really call, I know their numbers by heart. By heart.
But hey- I' fifty-five. Sometimes a gear gets off track in my brain and I forget things. It's good to have a list to consult when that happens.

It's even better to be with the people you love so that you can remember how much you love them and perhaps even more importantly, how much they love you.

And that's what I've learned this weekend.
And shitfire! It's only Saturday!

Fucking amazing. That's what I say. Fucking amazing.

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. All of it. All of what you said is so beautiful and so true and yes, so fucking amazing! We must treasure and savor our time with those we love, as Lis so poignantly sings in "Time" ~ may your amazing weekend continue!

  2. I don't remember numbers much except for a few people who I call each day. They are there for me even though they aren't family. But they are people of my heart too.

  3. I don't have either of those photos to put on my fridge. Which speaks volumes to me, and comforts me in a sad sort of way.

  4. I was just talking to a friend recently about this trusting and valuing dynamic in friendships. It's a rarity indeed to have people who can completely be counted on, where being oneself is expected and mutual, and then to remember to value them and not take it for granted. Your Lon and Lis sound so great, and I am happy for you that you had a renewing time with them.

  5. fabulous.
    You are so blessed to have friends like that.
    I am sure you bless them equally.

    and to answer your question re my car vs woman experience I kind of wrote a rambling reply in Elizabeth A's blog post so you can get the details there. Thanks for the concern, I'm glad any potential for a modelling career hasn't been affected since my face was left unscathed.

  6. Lulumarie- When Lis started singing "Time" last night, Kathleen was sure I would cry and want to hold Owen. Dammit! She was right!

    Syd- I believe in the family we choose. You have that.

    Jo- Really?

    Nicol- And as you grow older, that's the only kind of relationship you want.

    deb- I read it! Dang, girl! Are you sure you don't need X-rays or some such? ICE!!

  7. fucking amazing is RIGHT.
    those people who love us through our worst AND our best are the ones that matter the most. i feel so grateful to have some of those people in my life.
    i'm so glad your weekend with friends was amazing.

  8. Glad your visit was rejuvenating.

    Good to see the boss made the cut.

  9. Another wonderful post and this is just what I needed to hear this morning...
    " If you can't trust someone with your heart then they aren't good for you and let 'em go. Let. Them. Go." there is someone in my life to whom this applies.

    Still, I had a Great day with Good friends yesterday. It was a heartwarming solstice. Glad to hear yours was, too. x0 N2

  10. Ah yes. And I would do well to remember that too.

  11. Oh, and I hope you've made some copies of that strip of photos of you Mr Moon, because that is the best in the world.

  12. Glad you have the new refrigerator and are all settled in and organized with it.

    I am also glad you had such a nice visit with Lon and Lis. They sound like very dear friends. Hope I get to meet them eventually.



  13. Ah, your beautiful writing, Ms. Moon, always leaves me speechless. There's nothing I can add to the beauty of your words.


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