First of May, First of May.
Outdoor fucking begins today!
That is what my friend Lynn always said and god bless her and wouldn't she be happy to see Jessie all grown up and having her own baby? Lynn was there when I had Jessie. While I was bitching and moaning she was giggling and hanging beautiful tissue paper decorations around the house and making food for everyone in my kitchen.
Ah, lah. What a gorgeous perfect day that was. The day Jessie came to us.
I woke up this morning to a text that she sent to me and her daddy and it said, "Thanks for creating me and for getting me into this world so safe and well loved."
Well, what can you say about a child like that?
I always called her my back packet baby because she just loved to hang around her mama. Because she was my fourth child, I was just worn out by the time she got here and because she is who she is, she was just so easy and thank god and I can't remember one time that I had to fuss at her. I'm sure there must have been times that she was mischievous but all I remember is her being happy and busy and completely content to live her own light-filled life as long as she knew that I was somewhere close by. When she was about four or five she practically moved in with her boyfriend next door and they were inseparable. She was younger than he was by a year but she was the boss of him, as she's always been the boss of me and both of us gracefully accepted this fact.
The other day she asked me why I'd let her wear a nightgown to school one day. She'd been in middle school. I had no memory of this event but I have no doubt it happened. Why did I let her? Hell, I was already letting her tell me what to wear. And as I said, since she was the fourth child, the last child, I had no fight in me leftover for things like a wardrobe choice. But let me publicly say here and now- Jessie, I am sorry I let you wear a nightgown to school.
But I'm not sorry for much else. She and I raised each other in a way, just as all of my children helped to raise me. They allowed me to love them in my so-very human way, the best I could, and I wish I could have done better but they certainly couldn't have done any better in loving their vastly imperfect mother.
Here's one of my favorite pictures of Jessie.
It was New Year's Eve day and we were in Cozumel together. We had crossed the island to the "wild side" that day on two mopeds. We'd gone to the archeological park and walked through the ruins of Ixchel's temples and then we traveled on and stopped at a beach bar where we had sopa de lima and beers and we all had that soft look about our faces that I see on all the faces in Cozumel. It is a sort of magic.
Just as my children have been.
Just as they are.
Just as Jessie is. Just as is the love I feel for her father is which is what brought her to us.
And I celebrate that magic, that light, that joy, that child, that woman, all of that love I have been given and have today.
First of May. First of May.
I celebrate my girl Jessie today.