Thursday, December 4, 2008
A Rebirth Of Sorts- A Different World And All My Own
After having not looked at my manuscript for literally years, I am surprised at how much I still like it.
Listen- I don't know if this book will ever be published but in a way, that's hardly the point.
I wrote a book. A complete book with a beginning, a middle, an end. With lots and lots of words which somehow magically came together to paint a story. It all started with one character and I saw her when I walked down the streets of Aplachicola. She was looking out of a kitchen window on a beautiful spring day and her entire life was crumbling around her while the azaleas bloomed and the birds sang and the children at the church preschool down the street played. Her name was Rose.
And then came other characters. A mother, children, friends, a no-good husband, neighbors, a brother, a sister-in-law. A wise old woman. There's always a wise old woman, right?
My main character is profane and she drinks too much and she smokes too much and her grammar is not good. She makes mistakes with her children. She has no self-confidence.
But she grows. She changes. She adapts. She tries. She always, always tries.
And of course she finds love. There's always love, right?
And that's what my book is about and I'm enjoying going blind, rereading it, revisiting it, remembering the decade it took me to write it.
In fact, it's a sort of heaven.
Because I did this. I created, out of my own mind, this entire small world of Rose's.
I had forgotten I did this. I mean, I knew I had, but I had forgotten how much I love Rose and her world.
So back to work. Although, to call this joy work is ridiculous. I feel guilty. That's how much I'm enjoying it.
Back to Rose.
Who is standing with her hands on her hips saying, "It's about time, you fucking so-called writer. Do you know how lucky you are I gave my story to you?"
I had forgotten but now I remember.
It was like giving birth and forgetting the baby. And now I'm holding that baby in my hands again, patting her here and nuzzling her there and realizing that miraculously, she's still alive.
For me anyway.
And for now, that's quite enough.