Monday, December 15, 2008

Christmas Is Coming, My Ass Is Getting Fat (and other things I want to talk about)

So I woke up this morning not exactly imbued with the Christmas spirit. What happened? Did the tiny tender bud of joy get nipped during the night time? Did the ghost of Father Past visit me in my sleep and sit me down to tell me that he'd cursed me for all times and to forget about slipping out of the bonds of bitterness?
Who knows?
Not me.

So what the fuck do I know?

I know:

I am going to go try and find a tiny cedar tree in a pot to decorate. Fuck all. I like trees a lot and if you haven't read Miss Maybelle's post about hers, then please do. I am a bit loathe to mention this here because she made me sound like some sort of saint, which I definitely am NOT but she maybe is and she loves her Christmas tree and gives me reason to want one too.

I made some of the best soup last night I've ever made. It had in it: chicken, deer sausage, corn, celery, onions, garlic, red pepper, green beans, lentils, brown rice, noodles, broccoli. Among other things that I have forgotten. Oh yeah, green taco sauce and cilantro. It was a sort of Mexican gumbo with no seafood. Because I had no leftover seafood to put in it or surely I would have.

I have to start learning my lines for the play. Actually, let me put it like this:
No kidding.

That study which showed that the happier your friends are, the happier you'll be is true. One of the things that got me through my terrible, dreadful, horrendous time of insanity last summer was the fact that I had a few friends who have sunny dispositions who refused to leave me alone and let me melt into a puddle of crazy. I will never be able to repay them.

Say what you will about George Bush, he has really fast reflexes.

Say what you will about George Bush's reflexes, he's really lucky he's only had shoes thrown at him.

Say what you will about the guy who threw the shoes, that thing he said when he threw them was so perfect that I sort of want to put it on cards and send them out for Christmas.
Here's what he said:
"This is a good-bye kiss, you dog!"

Oh man. Doesn't that just warm your heart?

Mr. Moon and I ate an entire household's worth of cookies which were brought as a gift by our company on Friday in two days . These were amazing cookies. I think they had crack in them. We are now calling the friend who made and brought them "The Evil One."

The sky last night when I was coming home from play practice was so amazing that it made me desperately wish I was on Dog Island so I could see the entire thing without hills and trees blocking any part of it. It was one of those sunset skies that would cause a person to invent religion if it hadn't already been invented.

Speaking of religion, I learned something on Saturday while attending a hospice luncheon where my mother was being honored for fifteen years of volunteer service: More hospice volunteers than you would imagine do not close their eyes during prayer. Some of them will even make eye contact with you and smile a little bit while the prayer is going on, which is unusual. Usually the non-eye-closers will just look down at their plates or something but these guys were looking everywhere.
Make of this information about hospice volunteers what you will.
I think it means that people who are not afraid to stare death in the face are not afraid to stare a blessing in the face, either.
And by the way, those people ARE blessings.

I know a lot more stuff but I can't think of any of it right now or maybe it's stuff I don't need to talk about and besides, I have written about enough stuff.

Oh- one more thing (and again, I am loathe to mention this but what the hell?) - Aunt Becky of the Mommy Wants Vodka blog, has nominated me for a Blogger's Choice award in the "Blogitzer" catagory which has something to do with good writing and I don't even know what to think about that. The world-famous Dooce has been nominated in that catagory as well (and probably every other catagory, too) and just to have my name (and ten thousand others, too) in the same catagory is like, well, if not like dying and going to heaven then at least like sleeping and waking up to find that all the dishes were magically washed in the night and that the dogs all disappeared at the same time. I am incredibly honored and would like to thank all the little people.
Oh wait. I AM the little people.
So if you want to vote for me (or Dooce- your choice), go click that little button up there on the top right-hand side of my page.
(Yes, Magnum, I am selling out although as far as I can tell, you get nothing but the soul-satisfying satisfaction of having been nominated but that's plenty for me.)

And I have a question: What's the most fun game you know of to play with a bunch of people? I want to get a new game for the family to play on Christmas after we eat our breakfast of pastry and eggs, etc. and I don't want to waste my time or money trying to figure out what to buy. So if you know of a game which is rollickingly hilarious and tons of fun, please let me know.

Yours truly....Ms. Moon


  1. I know when I have caught myself looking down at my plate during someone's prayer, it's been because I am assessing what's on my plate and wishing they'd hurry up so I can eat. I would have looked over at you and smiled, or growled (but that would have been my stomach).

  2. There is an old game called 'Gender Bender' which is a riot. I don't know if they still make it. You get into teams and you have to predict how the opposite sex will answer the questions.
    But I agree with DTG, Apples to Apples is also great fun. I won on Thanksgiving.

  3. I wished you'd been there, Nicol. Our stomachs could have growled together and we could have had one of those totally inappropriate laughing attacks.

    DTG- I know. I'm just trying to come up with something new for us.

  4. Rachel-you're right. Apples to Apples is definitely great.
    We love it.
    I'll try to find Gender Bender, too.

  5. whipped a shoe right at his dumb ass, didn't he, that was hilarious!

  6. I also vote for apples to apples! Best game ever!

  7. Magnum- you're funny today!

    AE- I think it's going to be Apples To Apples.

  8. Cranium or Pictionary are my fave games for groups...

    I watched the shoe flying incident over and over made me smile...

    ps nice cookies!

  9. Balderdash is a really fun game I used to play with my family/friends. They give you funny sounding words and everyone makes up a definition. Then you mix them up with the real definition and try to guess which is which.

    I love that you look around during prayer, too. I always feel so devious when I do that! It can be most educational, though.

  10. PS - I'm sure your ass looks fine.

  11. Ms. Bliss- I think we have Pictionary. Maybe we should pull that one out. And yeah, that was some video, wasn't it? Did you see that man duck? Wow.

    Lady Lemon- Hmmm. Balderdash. Sounds good. And my ass never looks good. I don't actually have one. We're the white-people ass family. Sigh.

  12. This is a most educational blog for me today as I have never seen nor played Apple to Apples! After having googled it, I'm wondering if it would be good for adults learning English as a Foreign Language. What do y'all think? Maybe the Jr. version??? If so, I'll order it from and hope aduana (customs) officers don't steal it before it gets to my house! :)

  13. Lopo- that might work, although you sort of have to be able to think in English but it would be a great way to explain concepts in the language. You should get it just to play.

    Lady Lemon- Thank-you!

  14. How do I vote for you? I so want you to kick Dooce's booty!
    Depending on how many presents are given out on Xmas morning, I recommend the Grinch Game, also called the Green Game, or Yankee Swap. Try googleing them and let me know if you can find the directions, if not, I'll explain how it works.

  15. Okay. I looked it up. That sounds like fun. I'll throw that one out there and see how the kiddies like the idea.
    To vote for me, you just click on that thing that says Blogger's Choice Awards and it should take you to a place you can vote. If it doesn't work, let me know.

  16. My Christmas spirit was building until my IL's wanted to tack on two additional days of Christmas celebration. Then I wept openly AND IN PUBLIC. I can't do it all this year, my friend. Help.

  17. You must claim pregnancy. "I'm sorry but I'm not up to that."
    Or something.
    Ideally, you could just smile sweetly and say, "Oh. No."
    But ideally is hard. If not impossible.
    But when you're pregnant, you can get away with anything. Because you are carrying their DNA. Okay?
    Do it, Aunt Becky! Just DO IT!

  18. Cranium is a lot of fun and so is Scattergories. Good luck!

  19. what play are you going to be in and where/when?
    i'm going to be in a play next month - Macbeth - at the Young Actors theater - I am a witch, servant, and dancer - and it's so fun!!!

    i should be able to think of a zillion games for you... that's all we do when i go home, but my mind is blank! charades is always a last resort - haha (:


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