Friday, December 26, 2008

Let's Make Soup




Mr. Moon is in the process of taking out the old stove and installing the new one and since I started writing this, about forty-five minutes ago, I've been called into service several times to help with a door or to tilt the old stove up onto the dolly and of course he asked if I wanted to clean under where the stove was and of course I replied, "Of course I want to clean," as if I really did but of course I did not. What good does it do to remove the detritus of one stove's life right before a new one is to be put in its place? But it's one of those things that must be done and I wished I'd found a diamond ring back there, but I didn't. I did find sixteen cents and a Sam Adams Light beer cap.

It will be nice to start the new year with a new stove, especially since in my life, the kitchen is the heart of my home and the stove is the heart of the heart and so it's appropriate to sweep up under the old in preparation for the new which is why, at the end of an old year, we think back as we are looking ahead.

It's coming up on the anniversary of my friend Lynn's death and I'm feeling that today. A year ago I was consumed with thoughts of her, watching her fade so quickly after so long an illness. I knew her time was coming to leave us and I wanted freedom for her but still, it was hard. All the chores and setting-right that need to be done before a new year begins is of nothing compared with what Lynn had to do and with what those of us who loved her were required to do. She had to pack up and go and we had to help. And as much as you pray for a loved one to be released when her being here is no longer a viable option, it is so very, very difficult to hold her hand at the station and help her onto the train when you know this journey is not one she'll ever return from.

So 2008 began with all of that, watching her get ready and then go. And my brother-in-law died and I suppose those two events were the beginnings of my dive into the murky, terrifying waters of insanity. A slow, slow dive off a very high cliff which took months and then, when I finally found myself in those roiled and rocky waters, I had no idea which way to swim to find solid ground beneath my feet and everything around me and inside of me felt shark-filled and turbulent and dark.

Thank god I did get help, some I asked for, some came unbidden and thus was even more blessed. There has been light, there have been calm waters but sometimes I still look up and see that place I fell from and it scares me. I suppose I'm doing a bit of that now.

I wish I could sweep all the detritus left behind from that fall away from my heart and replace it all with something new. More courage, renewed faith, a willingness to tread a little closer to the edge sometimes without the fear of falling overwhelming me and sending me back to safety.

I wonder what I'll cook on my new stove first. Probably, knowing me, something I've cooked a million times before like a pot of soup and a loaf of bread. But also, knowing the way I cook, that soup and that bread will not be exactly like any other soup or bread I've ever made. There will be differences.

And this year coming up will be somewhat the same. There will be surprises and there will be comforting samenesses.
A new year but the same life.

I just checked and the stove is ready to fire up. The floor where it will sit is clean and is ready to receive it.

I want this old heart of mine to be clean and ready to receive this new year and what ever it brings to this old life.

Bless our hearts. Let's go turn on the flame and see how these new burners work. We're still here and we're still living and we all need to eat. Let's throw out all that holiday fat and sugar and make a pot of soup that nourishes our souls AND our bodies. Let's go through that refrigerator and drag out the things we need to toss and find the things we can use to make that nourishing soup.

It's all in there. The good and the bad. It's up to us to decide what we want to keep and what we want to get rid of.

Let's make soup. The new year is coming. We need to get ready.

11 comments:

  1. The way my nose is running, I could really use some soup...cream of chicken with wild rice would be heavenly right about now.
    Glad you got your new stove. I am sure wonderful things will ensue.

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  2. I need to get ready indeed Ms. Moon. Lots of blogging to come in the year ahead as I work to make some big decisions...it is SO time.

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  3. Rachel- I'm so sorry you are sick. I wish I were nearer to bring you some of my soup which will not be cream of chicken but may have some wild rice in it.
    Take care.

    SJ- Okay. I will be excited to read what you are deciding.

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  4. Rachel, my nose, too, and gag, the coughing is terrible. I'm going to make myself a big pot of chicken soup tomorrow morning. And Ms. Moon, thanks for the reminder that cleaning out the fridge is a good way to start the new year. Really. It is.
    I'd get a new stove, too,but the gas ones down here are all as ugly as sin and have extra burners in the middle with this cheap ass cover over them making it all that much harder to clean. But my oven door just won't close completely, no matter how hard they tried to repair it....

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  5. I'm excited about that new stove, and all the food that going to be created with it's help! Yum!

    Mama, thank you so much for such a lovely, delicious, fun Christmas. It was positively wonderful. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

    Have fun with your new appliance, and I hope it works well.

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  6. Lopo- I'm so sorry you're sick, too! When I had my Viking (a million dollar stove) the oven wouldn't close and I actually had to prop a sledge hammer against it to keep it closed. This was one of the things I informed Viking of which motivated them to come out and fix the damn thing.
    Anyway, I recommend the sledge hammer. It works, although it looks odd.
    Jessie- the new stove seems to work lovely. Daddy did a great job hooking it up!

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  7. And if it's the soup in the fridge right now, it's mighty fine. You could live for weeks off soup like that.

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  8. I hope the new year brings you great things!! I feel like I fell far this past year too and am hoping to make my way back up there - atleast somewhere close (; love you Ms. Moon!

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  9. DTG- and there's enough soup there to live off for weeks. Dang.

    CMe- As AJ pointed out in another post's comments, sometimes just knowing we've done the best we could is what we have to focus on.
    Trying, anyway.
    Love you, too....

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  10. I noticed that you had a few posts about The Oxford American. Any chance you've seen the 10th anniversary music issue?

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  11. YES! Of course. I took the magazine and the CD's out to the island for reading and listening and they are, of course, fantastic.
    As we were listening to the CD's last night I turned to my husband and said, "And this is why I give away so many subscriptions to this magazine."
    Whatever I can do to keep it going and spread the word....

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