Saturday, December 7, 2019

Royal Tannenbaum Day

Today was the day that Hank and Rachel had scheduled to go to the little town north of here, Havana, and cut a Christmas tree at the Christmas tree farm. They invited us all to go and Lily was going to go just for the fun of it (they already have their tree) but Gibson seems to have some puking situation going on so she bowed out and of course, May was working.
That girl. She works her ass off.
But I got in my car and drove up to Havana and Jessie and her boys came in Vergil's truck so that she, too, could get a tree. It was a gray day and a bit gloomy but all was cheerful and bright at the Christmas tree farm. Lots of people were wearing their holiday clothes for picture taking and the boys were beside themselves with the excitement of it all.

August was in the very best mood, as excited as a puppy on a walk in the woods. He had a chat with Uncle Hank about typewriters and he has been promised his very own typewriter which he's going to have to help fix up and then, he can type words. That's what he wants to do. Type words. 

We had to look at every tree, of course. But that was fun. Measurements were taken and all sides of trees examined.

After a pretty good look-around, two trees were chosen. One for the Weatherfords, one for the Thigpen-Tullius family. Rachel and Jessie sawed their respective trees and we carried them back to the place where they shake and trim and wrap with the tree with netting because we are not weakified wimps who must use golf carts to haul our trees! No! We are STRONG! 

Well, some of us. August and Levon somehow needed to ride on hips. August claimed that he was tired and that, uh, his leg hurt. I didn't mind. Any time that boy lets me carry him I will gladly do it. He's still not very heavy although I tell him that he is and that I am just a strong grandmother. 

Here's one of my favorite pictures of the day.

Levon was standing there like a man, hands in pockets and chewing gum like it was his job. 
Our baby men. 

In the little place where you pay, they have various trees set up with ornaments for sale and the boys got to pick their own. Guess what Levon chose?
A front-end loader! 
Which, before we got to Maria-Maria's, where we ate lunch, he had taken off the ornament string and turned it into a toy. Which was fine. 

And yes, we ate lunch at Maria-Maria's, which was delicious as ever and helped a tiny bit with my visceral memories of Cozumel which start appearing this time of year. As usual I am having a hard time with Christmas. Haven't bought one present. I am sticking my head in the sand and singing la-la-la-la-la! as loudly as I can, fingers in ears. 
I did sing a verse of Happy Christmas, War is Over to August while I carried him. 
Mr. Moon is at his credit union's party right now and I am not there. I...just...couldn't do it. 
He may tell them I was not feeling well. I don't know. As far as I care he could tell them the truth- that I have social anxiety and also, that I detest Christmas. 
Despite the fun I had today- and it was fun, truly!- I am in a funk. That's all there is to it. 
Eventually, I'll crawl out of it. I always do. But I swear to you that I am simply tired of feeling this way. One does tend to feel that this state of mind is as eternal and unchanging as the popularity of Dolly Parton when one is in the midst of it but again, I tell myself that no, this is not true. 
And again- I don't really believe that. 

I read a thing the other day on Facebook which is where all the fucking wisdom comes from these days that said, "One cannot be both grateful and depressed at the same time," and I thought, what a bunch of crap that is. 
I consider my fortune and luck every day and know that I am as rich as anyone on earth with the things that truly matter. Not for one moment do I forget that. But it doesn't prevent me from being sad, too. 
Days like today bring back every sadness, every failure, every flaw, every dream disappeared, even as I can pair every one of those with something beautiful. 
Eh, well. Whatever. This is who I am and how I am. 

Oh! Mr. Moon dispatched the two extra roosters this morning. 
"It was not easy," he said. 
He took them to No Man Lord. I asked him if NML had seemed glad to have them. 
"Yes," he said. "He told me he was hungry."
Which made me too sad for words. 

But right now I'm thinking about two Christmas trees, lovingly and carefully chosen, taken home and put up and decorated with lights and ornaments, of children enchanted by the magic of a tree in the house, the scent of pine, the pretty decorations, the sweet shining lights. 
I am thinking of how grateful I am that I was there today to share in a little of that magical process and ritual. 
And also, that someone who was hungry has something good to eat. And that the hens' lives will be so much easier now. It always comes down to the simplest things, doesn't it? 
Light and love. Enough to eat. Warmth and shelter. Freedom from fear. 

Why is this so hard? 

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. I love your posts! I look forward to them everyday :) Have a good evening. Bobbie

    1. Thank you, Bobbie. I really appreciate you stopping by to read and comment. That means a lot to me.

  2. Your beautiful ecstatic energy in that pic and that dress! and those Maryjanes! You have impeccable taste. Love you.

    1. Ah- Lis gave me the dress. Of course. The Mary Janes are Crocs, believe it or not and one of them is just bigger than the other which drives me insane. I need to order another pair because I do love them. But not as much as I love you.

  3. A beautiful, happy family day, even with two sisters missing. And think how beautiful it is to us up here, in cold and snow.

    1. It was warm today. Up into the high sixties. Supposed to be that or warmer for the next few days which is nice but honestly, a little more cold would be appreciated. Snow? Not so much.

  4. You look beautiful smiling and carrying that boy...I'm so sorry you are in a funk...Still coughing here and not caring for this season one little bit.

  5. I hear you about being down on Christmas. I am hoping to feel better after the solstice when the sun will start coming back. I'm glad you had a celebratory day, and glad you shared it with us!

  6. They say this earth school is the hardest there is. And this season, for me, too, is the hardest of them all. Keep your eyes on that beautiful family of yours. The give off light, no matter how cloudy the day.

  7. I don't like Christmas either, even though I'm baking and making gifts. I love giving, I just suck at receiving. And I'm sad and weepy because, well just because. And yes you can be grateful and depressed at the same time, you're right.

    Sending hugs and love.

  8. that picture of you, the kids and grandkids with the tree is LIFE.


  9. That trip for Christmas trees made my heart grow a little. Just a perfect time with your family. I hope the anxiety, etc takes a hike soon for you.

  10. I'm glad I quit doing christmas before christmas trees were groomed and shaped into a perfect cone shape within an inch of their lives. the real trees look just as fake as the fake trees. I don't do christmas at all. I don't give obligatory gifts and I don't receive any. except with my sister who continues to insist on giving me a christmas present so I reciprocate. it frees us all from some anxiety.

  11. I have no idea why life has to be so difficult at times. My daughter is currently going through a similar funk, some of it I put down to the shorter days, colder weather, and no sun. Some of it has to do with her idiotic ex-boyfriend, who is currently visiting for an early Christmas with their son. Some of it is simply the way her brain is wired. I can't fix it, anymore than your family can do so for you.

    I love the way you continue on, while you may not feel up to being at the Christmas party, you did go out with your family to the tree farm and the restaurant. That's definitely something. And those boys are beyond sweet!

  12. Oh well -- the roosters. It had to happen.

    I think it's just a funky time of year for many reasons -- everything from the weather to the holiday pressures. At least the boys had fun picking out a Christmas tree. I love it that Levon chose a front-end loader ornament, LOL!

  13. love seeing the excitement (especially for the children) of the ritual of choosing and cutting a tree. The joy of having children in our lives! I don't *do* Christmas other than a bit of baking for friends....and writing a few cards to longtime friends. this time of year is challenging for a myriad of reasons....... and I shun the commercialism of it all...or what it has *become*. Best to just love family and friends and be thankful for what we have.....that is enough
    Susan M


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