Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Grasping At Medications

So I called my provider this morning and they couldn't see me until tomorrow afternoon and I am SO done with that office and then I went to a Doc in the Box and they charged me one zillion dollars for a strep test and I thought I'd die of anxiety, absolutely die.
This is really getting out of hand, this neurosis or whatever it is.
But. My test came back negative.
The NP I saw was very kind, very nice, and she said that 15% of those negatives are false and since I've been so exposed, she was going to go ahead and prescribe antibiotics, which she did and although I'm not a big believer in taking antibiotics for everything and anything, I'm going to take them because fuck, I have to start feeling better.
So I survived but now I just feel so very, very low along with tired and sad.

I've started taking my antidepressant again because same as with the antibiotics- fuck, I have to start feeling better. I can't live like this and it's not a good thing for my marriage or my life to be stuck in this horrible morass of slithering dark eels crawling about my soul. Everything in me fights against the idea of the antidepressant, especially when I think of those dreams and every antidepressant I've ever been on (three so far) have caused the same dreams and honestly if they don't help I'll get off of them and see what else can be done. I know I have to give them time and I will. I know that no pill in this world is going to change the fact that DT is president but I have to come to grips with it and I have to be able to live in this world because it's the only one I have unless I choose to join a nunnery or something and shut the world out completely and I don't foresee that happening.
Not with grandchildren.
Not with loved ones like this.

Damn DT can't take all my joy away. I refuse to let him.

So anyway, here I am and I feel as if I should apologize because I don't have anything of inspiration or humor to relate, nothing, nothing at all. The only thing bringing a smile to my face these days are the Biden/Obama memes on Facebook and that's a damn bittersweet smile. I'm sure you've seen them. Here's a link for some of them. 
I think it's the spirit of Joe Biden we all need to channel right now. God knows that man has been beat down and kicked in the ass so many times in ways that most of us will never know and yet, there he is, cool and crisp and standing beside his president and it seems as if their relationship is one of genuine respect and goddammit, they just seem to enjoy each other. I've certainly never seen a president/vice president relationship like this in my lifetime. And hell- if Joe can keep going to work and looking so sharp, well, maybe we can muddle through the best we can.

Or something like that.
How was that for inspiration and humor?

Well, they don't pay me for nothing.

Keep doing whatever it is you're doing to cope. We're going to get through this. Perhaps not gracefully or easily but we will. And we can't let the bastards win.

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. If I'm not sleeping, wanting to sleep, or waking up, I'm fighting anger. I also fight out and out lay down and sob despair. I'm so sick of the Trumpites spouting all their vitriol on Facebook that I've taken a respite from it. I can't believe that I have friends and relatives, people I love and respect, who voted for him! Maybe I'm just a piss poor judge of character and need new friends....

    1. I would suggest that if you can't bring yourself to unfriend these people, you block them. You have to take care of yourself. You have to.

  2. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I'm not coming out of all this like I expected I would. There's still so much raw hurt and anger among people. On the one hand I think that's good. If we normalize this mess it will become the norm.

  3. I hope you feel better soon. We will all just have to keep an Eagle's eye on DT and if necessary, protest, sign petitions, whine and put up a big fuss. Just maybe,by the time the Electoral College convenes, they will have decided to vote Hillary in instead. But, that's a bit of a pipe dream, I realize.

  4. Oh, how I love Obama and Biden. But it's bittersweet, as you say. How can these good men be leaving and getting replaced by DT? I'm saddened and sickened.

    I'm coping, but life feels awfully heavy right now. Lots of people grieving over this awful election are getting physically ill, I've noticed. The stress lowers your resistance to bugs. We all need to concentrate on self care as much as possible. I hope the medicines help you over the hump. xxoo

  5. I am making sure to take my medication for depression because this whole election has been overwhelming. For a few days I put a photo of an atom bomb on my screensaver, but soon realized that it really wasn't all that pleasant to look at no matter how I felt. I now have a peaceful scene that at least temporarily transports me beyond each day's crappy news about DT. I find that my 3-year-old granddaughter is my inspiration to "do my best."

  6. Nope, we can't let the bastards win. The babies are counting on us.

    XXXXX Beth

  7. Medications are not always just the evil pharmaceutical industry trying to get you hooked, neither are they indications that we are weaklings who cannot hold it together like the rest of the world.

    Think of it like taking insulin, life saving insulin, or putting in hearing aids to hear or a better pair of glasses to see. Would you spurn any of that?

    You do what you need to do to feel better, please look after yourself.

  8. All we can do is resist in meaningful ways when the opportunity arises -- and even I'm not sure what I mean by that. I expect to know it when I see it. Otherwise, we have to cope. I don't think there's a thing wrong with considering a return to medication!

  9. I still wonder on waking of this all really happened. But it did. And now, we must get through it the best way we know how. It may well be worse than we ever dreamed, but no one with sense we can trust seems to want to work with the Trump team. I am starting to see that he might not even be the worst on the team, though of course, he did bring them together. Somehow we will keep on keeping on and doing whatever arises to do. As Steve says, I hope to recognize the opportunities to "resist in meaningful ways." In the meantime, seize all the joy in your world because that, too, is meaningful resistance. Your babies will be watching and learning. I love you so.

  10. So sorry to read you've been feeling unwell. Hope the antibiotics help, and hope your antidepressants help too. I've never found the right one, it's depressing trying to make the commitment to try. I'm thinking I might need to start trying again too, I can't take the wear and tear on my system that the constant anxiety attacks are causing. I'm sure this is not normal. I just had steroid injections into my hip for bursitis after three weeks of suffering and at least I'm not physically hobbling anymore. I am weary of my slow march to decrepitude, and being an early achiever on all the old lady woes. fml as my kids say.
    And thank goodness for Joe Biden memes, they have given me many laughs when I needed them most. I love Joe, but I'm a biased Delaware native.
    Politics has just about driven me insane, I have nothing good to say and no good thoughts to share.
    On that note, wishing you well, hope all in the Moon family get well soon. xxoo

  11. Going and getting help for illnesses despite the terror of doing it seems pretty inspirational to me.

    And doesn't the name 'Joe Biden' seem like the most solid, dependable name ever? Joe for every working man there's ever been through the ages, and Biden like Bide With Me?


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