I think it's time to go get a strep test. Gibson got tested today and he has it. Lily took him in because of a cough and he's not complained of a sore throat at all and yet- he tested positive. My throat has been feeling funky and I've been feeling like total shit and Gibson drinks out of my water cup all the time and this makes Lily having had it twice, Owen once, and now Gibson. Mr. Moon tested negative for it but the PA he went to said it was still possible he had it and the antibiotics he was given knocked whatever it was out in a day or two.
Of course, this means I have to go to my NP.
Which I'd almost rather die than do but that's beyond ridiculous.
The thing about anxiety and depression is that they can both cause profound physical symptoms. So- do you feel like shit because you're anxious and depressed or do you have an actual problem?
Throw in a huge, neurotic fear of all things medical and it can be a difficult situation.
Anyway, today was a loss for me in many ways and although I did take a walk and get a few things done around here I also spent almost two hours in bed reading and asleep. Both but not at the same time. Bed seems to be the only comfortable place there is for me right now, sleeping or reading McMurtry's Moving On, and I wish I was one of those people using their anger and fear to mobilize and plan ways to thwart and mitigate at least some of the damage this incoming administration can do but I am not.
Cleaning the toilets about does me in. Throw in the laundry and emptying the dishwasher and I am done.
I feel as I really don't know anything any more. You know how I always say, "I don't know shit?"
Well. I really don't.
All I know is that I wish I had a chicken pot pie to bake or a box of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese to make and if I did, I'd put a whole can of tiny green peas in it. I also know that I'm so very cold despite wearing my Goodwill cashmere and a jacket. And that I guess I'll have to go to a medical place tomorrow and that I'm almost hoping that I do have strep because goddammit, there's a cure for that.
Any relief is welcome. Any relief at all.
Love you so much...Ms. Moon