Tuesday, November 29, 2016

A Morning


Yesterday afternoon I heard a chicken kerfluffle with great bawking and flapping of wings and ran out the back door and screamed at whatever was attacking because something was attacking. Sure enough, a hawk had tried to get little Violet- that pretty gray bird to the left of Miss Dearie. The hawk took off to perch in the magnolia tree above where the attack had occurred and Violet ran under the deck. Mick stood in sentry beside it for about an hour.
Dottie and Darla immediately ran into the hen house and huddled there and last night when I shut them all up, they were all safe and Violet seems to have suffered no injuries.

I woke up in the very early morning to hear rain, a good rain, coming down and it was beautiful. We are supposed to get more today. Even the little bit we got is going to help. Such a comfort.

I am feeling better in the mind today, even without having started on the new medication but my body is still in full adrenalin mode. People who have never had anxiety have no idea how physical this disorder is. And I am already second-guessing the antidepressant that the doctor has prescribed for me. I have heard bad things about it and one of the main side effects is weight gain and I certainly can not deal with that. What to do? Just take the anti-anxiety medication and see if that will do? I hate the idea of being on an antidepressant. I know what they do to me and on the one hand, they can make life worth living but they do bring side effects which can make life less pleasant. Does this make sense? Maybe.
All I want is to be able to enjoy and appreciate this amazing life that I have. I have all of the love anyone could ever want, I do not suffer from any unmet needs in any way. And I do appreciate and cherish and acknowledge and KNOW all of that and simply ask to be able to wake up and not have to fight my way though a day feeling as if a sword is being held to my chest.
I suppose that all I am asking is for some ease. Which may be too much to ask in this crazy world of ours. I don't know.

On one more topic- I am listening to "Fried Green Tomatoes At The Whistle Stop Cafe" and I'd just like to say that this book which was written in 1987 is worth reading. Yes, we've all seen the movie- at least I hope we have- but the book is truly lovely and Fannie Flagg covered a lot of topics including racism, poverty, lesbianism, menopause, marriage, women's rights, and domestic violence. And she does it all so gracefully. If you're looking for something to read which is a good story and well-written and sense-of-place-and-time centered, this is a good one. I've said it before and I will say it again- Fannie Flagg is an underrated author in my opinion. Probably because she tells such a good story, is a woman, and is southern.

Well, that's my take on things. I am a simple woman and I have simple tastes.

Be well, y'all.

Love...Ms. Moon







16 comments:

  1. Why don't you start the anti-anxiety drug and see how it goes? Your writing suggests you experience more anxiety than depression, so treat it first. Anti-depressants do have powerful and bad side effects, so if you can live without them, that would be good. If things don't improve with the anti-anxiety drug, you still have a second line of drugs available.

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    1. That is definitely one of my options. Thank you.

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  2. Love Fannie Flagg, she does capture a sense of reality that is everyday, like catching the weird shit and how unreal it can feel in a regular life..? So glad Violet is okay. We saw an ermine yesterday, sorry but they are little fuckers in my book. They and weasels are horrible killers.

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    1. We do not have those particular animals but we do have plenty of possums and coons and yes, the hawks. And neighborhood dogs.
      Everything and everyone loves chicken.
      I'm glad you like Fannie Flagg too. Good assessment of her writing.

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  3. I put on 14 lbs on Citalopram.

    Maybe the depression would be less if the anxiety wasn't eating at you so viciously? You can also do genetic tests to determine what drugs will work for you and what won't (I'm reading a lot about this from ASD parents - it seems to make a lot of sense - but not sure it's covered by insurance).

    I feel a sort of permanent outrage at what side effects are considered 'acceptable' - for example, female pill v male pill testing, and what has been considered benefit v risk... try harder, doctors. Try harder.

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    1. I gained weight on the Citalopram as well but it was because of what I ate, which was not the cleanest diet I could have been eating. I can't really blame the drug. Genetic testing is way too out of reach financially for this situation, I'm afraid. Insurance would never pay for it. And yes- there needs to be more testing but it's probably not going to happen in this world now.

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  4. My three bantams have been lucky so far! Lucky eh ? Xxx

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    1. I think they are better at flying and escaping than the regular hens. Don't you?

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  5. I don't know shit about medications but I do know that not all side effects affect all people. It may be worth a try to see how it goes and if it doesn't go great, you have a good doctor to help find something better.

    I swear when I read side effects after the fact I'm like "wow, so glad none of that happened to me."

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    1. I know! If you read the possible side effects list you'd just rather kill yourself. But...oh god. Who knows?

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  6. I read that book when it was newly published. I think I need to give it another whirl. I think you should give the new antidepressant a whirl too. This doctor could be that good.

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    1. Yes. It's worth a re-read, if only to realize how little things have changed.
      And I think I will try the medication. I think.

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  7. Fannie Flagg! I love her books. My favourite is Standing in the Rainbow. I have read it at least 25 times. It is a go to book when I need a laugh. I actually just saw that she has a new book out. Yay! 📚

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  8. God, I am so behind here. I need to catch up. It's apparent that THINGS HAVE HAPPENED!

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  9. I love that book. I haven't read much from her recently, though. Remember when she used to appear on Candid Camera with Allen Funt?

    I can understand your trepidation about the meds. Maybe just having them on reserve will be enough -- knowing that you can take them if things get bad. (Though I think antidepressants take a while to take effect, so you wouldn't want to hold off TOO long.) These are more things to discuss with that good-looking doctor man!

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  10. Well, if we're talking books, count me in. I love Fried Green Tomatoes. And I am dubious about the Paxil I take. Right now I cannot listen to the news or anything current at all. Am enjoying The Crown, old books, knitting. And your posts.

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Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.