Saturday, September 14, 2013

A Little Afternoon Story

This is the weirdest day. I went out into the garden and I weeded and weeded and weeded and can I stop right here and say something? My left wrist was broken when I was a kid and set wrong and it's been bothering me for almost thirty years now and when I say, "bothering me" I mean it has woken me up time after time every night of my life for at least twenty-five years and yes, I've tried a wrist brace, etc. but nothing helped at all until we started sleeping on the magical bed and now it never wakes me up. Not ever, even after hours of weeding. So I weeded and it got way too hot but I just kept at it because I'm a fucking idiot and WHO CARES IF THE GARDEN GETS WEEDED? WHO THE FUCK CARES? YOU CAN GROW VEGETABLES IN A BAG OF POTTING SOIL! but as I said, I am a fucking idiot and when I was weeding I saw a strange flying bug I'd never seen before. It looked sort of like a big wasp. Black with red-orange legs and maybe some gold on it too. It was digging a hole in the ground and I watched it for awhile, going in and coming back out to deposit dirt and then I got distracted by the weeding and my incipient heat stroke but then I saw it again and it was riding on the back of a Katydid which looks like this:

Riding on the back of that poor little Katydid like some sort of sadistic cowboy while it hopped around and they were sort of short-flight hopping together and then that katydid just flopped over as if it was dead. It might have been dead. I do not know. So I started swatting at the wasp thing with my weeding trowel which was ridiculous. "Get out of here, you Katydid killer," and so forth and the wasp thing didn't even bother to pretend to be scared of me but he did pick up the katydid in his arms and flew up to the top of a tree with it. I saw the whole thing.
I was like, "Am I seeing this?" Nature is a strange, cruel bitch, y'all. Then in a little while the wasp thing brought the katydid back down and I presume and assume that it 's going to tuck it into that hole he dug and I can't figure out what sort of a bug it was and I didn't take a picture. 
Boy. That was weird. 

So after all of that I stopped weeding and dumped my weeds and then I came in the house and did the laundry and washed dishes and then I took a shower and laid down on the bed but the dogs barked and the phone rang and it was a highly unsatisfying nap and when I got up, my hair still soaking wet from sweat and wild like Medusa, I found Mr. Moon and a friend watching the FSU game (I guess), drinking beer and eating up all the smoked mullet dip I made last night and I felt like, This is not my beautiful life. 

But I guess it is. 


  1. Having an beautiful day over here, too. And I shaved my legs last night for the first time in week...all for naught.

  2. I think that your wasp is the Great Black Wasp which is also known as the Katydid Killer--I kid you not.

    I had a good nap today but the phone also rang. I ignored it.

  3. I've not commented for a while, because I can't seem to string two words together these days . . . but the words "fucking idiot" inspired me tonight because I really am a prize fucking idiot, so at least I can say that much. And that I enjoyed your story x

  4. Birdie- I assume you are being sarcastic? I am sorry you shaved your legs for naught.

    Syd- Yes. I saw that insect and that may be what it was. What the hell else could it have been?

    bugerlugs- Most of us are fucking idiots at one time or another.

  5. I saw a big beetle the other night, one I have never seen before. It had black and white stripes like it was wearing prison garb and the cutest little Mickey Mouse ears, and it was huge and crawling along in the twilight like it was just out for a stroll, but it was on the walkway and going to get stepped on or tortured by a cat, so luckily I was with two (women) friends and we managed to find the courage and a large, stiff, autumn-ish leaf and picked it up and moved it up into a bush and all was well. I wish you had seen this instead of witnessed the murder of a katydid. Nature just never ever stops its curious ways.

  6. Good lord. Nobody told you there'd be days like this! I hope your beautiful life is reinstated tomorrow. At least you're not a katydid. That sounds shit. xx

  7. Too much nature...yesterday I was innocently washing dishes while looking out the window and noticed there was a tiny spider that had semi-trapped a much-larger ladybug and was struggling to get it. I interfered with nature and opened the window and saved the ladybug! Took it outside and got the web off, then placed it on my Norfolk pine. I don't usually interfere with nature but I LOVE ladybugs!

  8. It has not been a beautiful day. It has been a long, tired and achy kind of day.

    It brings me to the question if I really ever need to shave my legs again. Maybe when my kids get married and I wear a dress.

  9. Here in Texas we call them cicada-killer wasps. Supposedly they don't sting humans, but they are way too big for my comfort.


  10. Well, you know about my praying mantis sighting -- both with head and without -- what the hell is going on with the animal gods? Ask Rebecca.

    This post also made me think of Kafka -- especially you with the Medusa hair.

  11. I am so sorry about Trixie, so glad the bed helps your hand, and continue to be in awe of those of you who live in not so harmonious harmony with bugs as I can imagine myself running screaming for Mr Moon to come save me. I am grateful for the time and reflection today of how I can be better and do better in life. I am sweet but have lots of things to work on.. Today was also a day of up and down sadness for my 20 year old cat who I love dearly as he is terribly sick and his end is soon yet in some ways he's still present and maybe ok. It is a bit agonizing wondering how I will know when it will be the right time to put him down. The vet has a few different things I can try but I don't believe in prolonging a life beyond its normal time. I just don't want him to suffer. Oh Mary, it is all life, right? Sweet Jo

  12. What a crazy bug drama... I'm with you, nature is a cruel bitch! The older I get the more I expect to find myself thinking that.

    Man, I want some smoked mullet dip. You went and tripped a craving. Not fair.

    Have a good tomorrow.

  13. Wow, that IS weird. I've never seen a wasp fly away with a katydid. Must have been a HUGE wasp.

    And yes, nature is a cruel bitch.

  14. A cicada killer wasp and cicada had a wrestling match on my truck windshield once. I have a heapin' healthy phobia of wasps/hornets, and was fucking happy the windows were up.
    Cicada was bigger than the [giant] wasp. Wasp PICKED UP CICADA and FLEW AWAY.
    Holyjurassicfuckingpark Batman!

  15. I think that might be a golden digger wasp.

    Bugs are interesting.


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