Sunday, August 14, 2022

Those Words- I Love You



I sent that picture to my kids last night with the text, "I feel like a real Meemaw. Fried mullet and hushpuppies." 

Some of y'all may never have had the good fortune to eat fried mullet, just caught that day. It is a treat. You fry the filets AND the backbone which you can scrape tiny morsels of deliciousness from while the filet itself is a fine piece of good fish. Mullet is probably why, in this part of Florida, at least, early settlers could sustain their lives in such a rugged area. And I am sure that the Indigenous people who lived here ate plenty of it too. It's a fish that has protein and a bountiful goodness of healthy oils. It is a fish that is netted, not caught on a line, and although it is still fairly abundant, back before we fucked up everything, it was VASTLY abundant. The fish can live in both salt and fresh water and when they run, fishermen bring them in. They are excellent smoked and so in that way were an important food before refrigeration. 

And get this- dolphins hunt mullet and sometimes they do it by herding them to shore where they beach themselves and eat like kings. Here's a video from BBC Earth. 


My husband and his father actually witnessed just such a hunt once while fishing in the St. Mark's river nearby. 

So. Mullet. There's a lot more I could say about them but for now I will just say that the ones I cooked last night were delicious. The hushpuppies? Eh, not so much. For some reason I've never really perfected those. Probably because I so rarely fry foods like that. But I will say that a perfectly cooked hushpuppy is a gift from the gods of corn and campfires. 

Today has been a very decent Sunday. Our friend Chip came over to help Glen with something motorcycle related or vice-versa. Not sure. But I do know they took a long back-roads ride and I think they enjoyed it. I did a little work outside, but not much. A dang chicken knocked over a potted fern last night, breaking the pot, and I had to deal with that- repotting, moving to a different location. I'm not sure why that chicken was so attracted to that plant. I don't think she ate the fern fronds but perhaps there was something in the dirt she liked. It was always the same hen that I was having to shoo off of it. I moved it to a higher plant stand on the front porch and then ended up sweeping the porches. 
Here's the new unicorn pillow. 


You will no doubt note that this is a more traditional unicorn rendition than the ones that August has on his shirts, his back-pack, his socks. Oh well. There is room in this world for all the unicorns, I think. 

There were quite a few fallen limbs in the front yard from these little storms we've been having and I hauled those to the burn pile. And that was all I could manage without losing so much of my body water in the form of sweat that I died. 

While I was doing all of that stuff, I was also doing laundry and I took Dorothy Anne's dress off to wash it and underneath the dress I found a beautiful handmade chemise that I am sure was made for a real baby, like the dress she came in. 


BUT, the thing that just broke my heart wide open was underneath that chemise, right on her heart-place. Can you see it? 
Here's a close-up.


Oh, how I would love to know the story of the child who loved this dolly. What she (I am assuming it was a she) called her. Was she a lonely child who saw this doll as a companion, a friend? Did she take her on adventures, climbing trees and playing in the garden? Did they have tea parties? Did she bring the doll with her to bed, holding her close in the deep, dark night, giving her the love and protection that she herself wanted and needed? 
Yes. I am completely and utterly projecting my feelings as a child to that little girl as well as projecting my feelings as an older woman to an inanimate object. When she was upstairs in that dark room in the antique store, I recognized what it felt like to fear abandonment, being  discarded, to feel unworthy of love when all of the sweet beauty and attraction of newness had long since passed. 
I have not entirely lost my mind. I think that I am going through something that is completely normal and explainable as I age. I am so very fortunate to have a partner, children, grandchildren, who appear to love and cherish me for who I am now, as well as who I was so long ago. But that does not prevent me from having the fears of abandonment, of being considered too old and creepy to deserve love. 

And then there is this- yesterday when Jessie was driving me home and we were going through a torrential rainstorm and I was holding Dorothy Anne, on my lap I said that I truly was an old woman now, as I reported yesterday, she said, "I think that when we get older, we become little girls again."
That phrase, "little girls," absolutely grabbed my heart and my attention. I'm not sure I ever really got to be a little girl. Now, perhaps, I feel safe enough to sort of experience that. 

Whatever. Maybe I'm just crazier than I thought. 
But I am still glad I rescued that creepy, demonic doll and brought her home. 
She has a home. 
So do I. 

Love...Meemaw Moon

31 comments:

  1. That is a dear little dress, looks hand made. And that message - yes, I'm glad you rescued her.

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  2. She was meant to be in your tender care. If this love of dolls brings you some childlike happiness then go for it. We all deserve these things is life whatever stage we are.

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    1. I agree. And at this moment in time, it is only THIS doll that I feel such an affection for.

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  3. It was absolutely meant to be. Your inner little girl is finally getting to play!

    The tapestry is from the hunt of the unicorn tapestry collection, probably in the Cloisters. Or maybe in the Cluny museum in Paris. They're amazing artworks to see in person.

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    1. I had no idea my inner little girl was so very close to the surface!
      I am sure those tapestries are amazing. And some of them are huge, aren't they?

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  4. I'm glad you said she is a creepy looking doll, so I didn't have to say it. It is sweet that someone wrote on her chest though, a tattoo of sorts.

    I hope you do get to relive your childhood, safely and loved. Hell, I want that too.

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    1. We all want that, don't we? To be able to go back and make things better, safer, more loving.
      Maybe I should get a tattoo that says, "I love you" above my heart, too.

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  5. Yesterday, I noticed that Levon was wearing a T-shirt with the legend "I LIKE BIG TRUCKS" on it. Maybe we should all wear T-shirts that state distinctive things about us. Mine would be "I LIKE TETLEY'S BITTER" and yours might be "I LIKE FRIED MULLET".

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    1. Could be. Did you know there's a song whose lyrics go, "I like big butts and I cannot lie"? That's where the humor in Levon's shirt comes from. But he does indeed love big trucks.

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  6. much history in that doll, wouldn't we love to know! I'm so glad she is with you now. Yes....I believe Jessie's statement was true in a sense.....you are at ease enough now at this point in life to enjoy some pleasures you may not have been able to in your tumultuous youth. Enjoy it!
    Susan M

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  7. Dorothy Anne does NOT look demonic (such a dark cloud to cast over that sweet dolly), she looks to have been greatly loved and her heart message proves it! A little cosmetic cleaning would help!

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    1. I'm afraid to try and clean her. She's cracked in places and the cloth of her body is so thin in some places that I don't dare to try and mend it. I will just treat her incredibly gently, I think.

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  8. Are there any marks on the back of her neck? If yes, you can track down some of her history. It's easier to learn from a "doll" person. My doll lady is succumbing to Alzheimer's now and her doll expertise is gone. I'm sure among your women friends there is an expert or someone who knows. I hope she has some markings to work with. That she has open/close eyes is a good sign.

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    1. She does have a marking and I think, after a little research, I may have found the maker.

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  9. Try the Philadelphia Doll Museum if Dorothy Ann has any markings

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  10. Aaahh, I've changed my mind about Dorothy Anne. Please apologize to her for me - she's precious! As for the dolphins - wow! I must watch more of Sr. David's programmes - they're just wonderful. Actually ALL the Attenborough boys were serious overachievers! And I don't know if you know this, but a few years ago the British public were asked to name a new marine research ship, and being "classy", Boaty McBoatface got the most votes! However, they weren't having that so they gave that name to the main support boat and called the research ship "Sir David"! A fitting tribute to a wonderful man!

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    1. I'm glad that you have changed your opinion on my new child. Although I can definitely see why some would find her a little scary.
      I DID hear about Boaty McBoatface and I am so glad that they used the name "Sir David" instead. Most fitting.

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  11. You are not at all crazy and no one is too old to deserve love. I'm very glad you took of Dorothy Anne's dress and found that I love you.
    I tried mullet once a long time ago, caught from South Australia's River Murray where it goes through the town of Murray Bridge and it was cooked on a barbecue grill and was awful! Oily and muddy at the same time, a very strong flavour. It was just cleaned, wrapped in foil and tossed on the grill. I'd never had it before that day, always only ever eating white fish.

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    1. If mullet sits, it can become nasty because of those oils but if cooked the day its caught, there are few finer fishes. And I have eaten a lot of fish.

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  12. I imagine some happy grandma wrote "I love you" on that doll before gifting it to her first granddaughter. I am glad you are pleased with your sweet doll and will give her some love! I don't think she is creepy - just a bit old and tired (like me!) :)

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    1. She IS old and tired. Like we are!
      Somehow I truly think that a little child wrote that I love you. Of course I could be wrong.

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  13. I think maybe the 'I love you' was on the doll when purchased new. It just doesn't seem like something a child would do. And I don't think of myself as an old woman though I'm sure plenty of people do, I am 72 after all. I think that's a state of mind. I've aged, I'm not dead, but to me old means can't do stuff and I and definitely you do stuff all day long.

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    1. I have a mullet story, don't know if I told you this or not. We spent our weekends and summers at the the beach house growing up and mullet were plentiful. We'd see them leap out of the water all the time. My brother had a little skiff and he was out in the bay one time when a mullet leaped out of the water and right into his boat. We didn't eat mullet, general consensus was they weren't good for eating. You're the first person I ever heard of that ate mullet.

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    2. No, I don't think there's any way that was written on the doll's body before it was sold. But it doesn't really matter. It's there and it's sweet.
      In some ways I do not consider myself old at all, in other ways, I feel that I am quite old. And there is stuff I can't do that I used to do- work out in the heat, for one. I just can not do that.
      Yes! When mullet are running, they will definitely leap into a boat that gets itself into the middle of it all.
      Wow- no one ate mullet there? Hell, there are entire restaurants here that base their menu on fried mullet. And smoked is very popular too and makes an excellent fish dip.

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  14. OK, the "I Love You" note IS pretty adorable. And actually, as you analyze the feelings you think may be behind your enthusiasm for Dorothy, I can see how she represents something important to you. That clarification helps me see the beauty in her.

    Animals and potted plants often don't mix! Usually the culprit is cats. I wouldn't have guessed a chicken would be big enough to knock over a fern. (Olga, merifcully, doesn't mess with our plants.)

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    1. If my clarification helped you see Dorothy Anne's beauty then I did my job!
      As to the fern- the pot was on a sort of tippy patio table on a step and I shouldn't have put it there but I was trying to keep it out of the hen's reach which did no good as she simply flew up there whenever she wanted. And down it came. Smash!

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  15. My daughter, Deva, had two cloth body dolls when she was little, both bigger than Dorothy Anne, but equally worn down when she chose them from the pre-school flea market. She called them Calgary and Bonita, loved them to bits, gave them haircuts, decorated their faces with colored pens, and took them wherever she went. Bonita was big enough to wear baby clothes, so she had more outfits and went out with us more. One time when we were in the Sunshine Market Deva put Bonita in the "child's seat" part of the shopping cart and several people were startled to see her slumped over, thinking she was a real baby. I was in a play at the local community college about a family in crisis ( a lesser known play by Tennessee Williams called Moony's Kid Don't Cry) and we used Bonita as the baby in the play. So glad you are lovin' Dorothy Anne. x0x0 N2

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    1. Calgary and Bonita! What wonderful names! It sounds like Deva adored her babies. To pieces. As is appropriate!
      So glad that Bonita got to play a baby in a Tennessee Williams play. And no, I've never heard of that one!

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Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.