Tuesday, November 17, 2020

Fuck Anxiety And The Black Dog It Rode In On


 Here's the front of my house, mostly hidden by the sabal palms I planted a long time ago but which are taking their sweet time to grow. Someday, in the distant future, they will be tall and their trunks will be skinny like this



and thus, they will not impede the view of my house but we'll probably be dead by then at which point, my husband will quit complaining about the trees being right there by the porch. He has every right to complain about the horrid, murderous Canary Island date palms I so foolishly planted by the front gate but I stand by my judgement in planting the sabals where I did. Our friend Tom gave them to me when they were tiny things and they are the state palm of Florida and I love them. I have two more planted in another spot that he gave me and one that was actually here when we moved in. I think. Who can remember back that far? As with everything in this yard, none of the palms get quite enough sun so they are and will be slow-growers but my hope and dream is that someday, someone will live here who will appreciate them in their maturity. 

Today has been one weird day. I woke up in a box of anxiety lined with maroon velvet and sharp rusty spikes, the likes of which I haven't experienced for awhile. I have absolutely no idea why. I pulled in on my soul and tried to let it pass but it showed no signs of doing anything but increasing so I took a damn ativan and spent the day moving slowly and chemically dissociating which wasn't exactly pleasant but wasn't horrible, either. The only walking I did was to the post office and back home, to the clothes line, to the hen house to find eggs, to the garden to pick some greens. I had all sorts of plans but I let them go by the wayside and instead did a small amount of ironing in case Mr. Moon ever needs to go out into the world again. That's a joke. He went out into the world today. While I was ironing I watched some of the newest incarnation of "The Boys in the Band" on Netflix and I am enjoying it. To be honest, I don't think I ever saw the original version and I don't understand how that happened. We did finish the last episode of "The Queen's Gambit" last night and I would watch it again in a heartbeat. It is so good on so many levels. The story, the script, the acting, the cinematography, the settings and sets, the costumes- all of it. Just superb. 
Even the ending was satisfying as hell. Absolutely. 

And I somehow managed to get this beauty ready to go into the oven. 


It's a chicken pot pie with all of the vegetables in it. The carrots, the potatoes, onions, celery, peas, green beans and so on. I have obviously given up the notion of eating all healthy and shit, at least on some nights. I mean- it's got good things in it but anyone who's ever made a pie crust knows that that amount of butter can not be good for us. 
But won't it be lovely? 
I'll make a salad to counteract the butter. That works, right? 
No. No it does not. 
But somehow I do not care. 

Let's see what tomorrow brings. 

Love...Ms. Moon

34 comments:

  1. That pie is a thing of beauty. I hope you enjoy it.

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    1. It was delicious and is going to be again tonight!

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  2. If you want to make yourself happy, google images of John Singer Sargent's watercolor paintings of palmettos.

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    1. I did! The man knew his way around some Florida palms! How lovely.

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    2. Well, you can't spend your whole life painting imposing society portraits, even if they pay the bills! Those little watercolors were for himself.

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  3. Thanks for giving "The Queen's Gambit" the Ms Moon seal of approval. Shirley and I were thinking of watching it and now I believe we will in the next few days. Thanks. Do you cook the vegetable ingredients before they go in the pie?

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    1. I think you will like it, Mr. P. It's just so well done. And I know nothing of chess. My brain does not work that way.
      Yes. I do cook my vegetables before they go into the pie. And the chicken, too, of course.

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  4. That does look yummy. and what do they know about butter and fat. they declared it bad bad bad and everyone went to low and no fat and everything tasted blah and then they decided that that was wrong and butter and fat was not only good but necessary. go with that. butter = good and necessary.

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    1. I know. But too much of it is just- well, too much. But damn you're right- it's so good. It was a very nice flakey crust. At least I'm not making it with lard, right?

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  5. sorry about the anxiety...... sounds like you rode it out in a good way though....as well as one can do that. Your pie is beautiful and in my book, yes, a salad DOES counteract the butter
    May tomorrow be a gentler day for you
    Susan M

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    1. It has been a sweet day today. Thank you, Susan.

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  6. Your little trees are so sweet, I love them love their leaves and shortness. Exotic little plants.
    Ellen is correct, Butter is good for you especially with carbohydrates as in pie dough as in bread and butter- They finally figured out what granny knew all along. Butter is health food.

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    1. Well then, I should live a good long time.
      Sure makes my husband happy.

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  7. Nothing wrong with butter. Especially for people as active as the Moons. Sorry it was a tough day, though you did navigate it successfully.

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    1. I could be a lot more active but maybe with cooler weather here, I will!

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  8. My anxiety has skyrocketed, though that's likely because Jonah and I have to fly to Michigan on Saturday and then I have to stay for 8 days and then we have to fly home and I'm so scared of getting my family sick. Ugh.

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    1. That's just wrong on so many damn levels. May that judge rot in hell and I won't even say what I'm thinking about Jonah's father.
      Be safe, woman. The world needs you.

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  9. I used to rarely eat butter until i came to my senses. Salt and fat is where the flavor is and i’m sorry it took me so long to see the light!
    Beautiful crust! I need to practice the fancy edges.

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    1. I just squished these edges with my fingers. I'm not great at presentation.
      Salt and fat are my favorites. Give me chicken skin!

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  10. Oh Mary, I am sorry the anxiety was there in full force. You certainly did a lot of things throughout the day though. In this house, it culminates in not sleeping much and then I struggle with basic tasks. "The Queen's Gambit" was wonderful, I heartily agree.I hope tomorrow is better for all of us.

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    1. I can sleep with anxiety which I know is a blessing. It's more like coma than sleep but whatever. It's a period of time I don't have to deal with it. Sort of.
      I hope your day was as nice as mine was.

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  11. I see so many bloggers complaining about anxiety and/or depression at the moment. It's not surprising though is, given the times we're living in. I was tending to open a bottle of wine but I've decided I have to knock that on the head too for a bit as it was getting just a little too frequent. I hope you feel better today!

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    1. It is so easy to fall into bad habits right now, isn't it? I did feel better today, thank you.

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  12. I think your trees look great and, yes, will look even better in the future. I'm having anxiety too, mainly when I read the news! (Easy answer: Stop reading the news.)

    I really liked the new "Boys in the Band." Some people weren't into it but it's a period piece -- histrionic in places but very faithful to the original. (And probably accurate in terms of the self-loathing gay men were made to feel at the time.)

    We're still working on "The Queen's Gambit" but we love it. Have you tried "Borgen"? It's subtitled, so you can't watch it and do other things at the same time, but it's terrific and we just finished that.

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    1. I wish I could control my anxiety by not reading the news. It's just so random. Ugh.
      Anyway, I'm going to watch the rest of the "Boys in the Band." It is amazing how self-loathing society caused gay men (and women) to feel then. At least that has changed somewhat. Not entirely, I am quite aware. We still have far to go.
      Haven't watched "Borgen." I'll give it a look but it's hard for me to just sit and watch without even doing some crocheting or knitting or something.

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  13. Ooooo, I loved the Queen's Gambit, too. All of it, and yes, the ending was satisfying. I know those anxious days, when all you can do is put one foot in front of the other. Those are definitely not good days for eating all healthy and shit. That pie looks wonderful.

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    1. I want to watch the last episode, at least, again. Maybe all of it. It was just too good. And the characters I really wanted them to bring back did indeed show up again. How great! Lots to think about after watching that show, isn't there?
      At least our salads are all healthy and shit. Ha!

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  14. Also, when I saw that first picture of the palms in front of your house, it looked like something out of a much-loved storybook.

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  15. I suppose the up side of the palms being shorter and in front of the porch is the shade and privacy they afford in the hot weather? Wishing you a better day today. "I Wish You Flying Dreams" (one of my favorite things: flying dreams) by the Birds of Chicago was on the radio as I was catching up on your blog posts. “I wish you flying dreams; I don’t wish you wings. Cuz if you grow those things, they’re everything. There’s no more dreams. There’s only silence in the night.” Hadn't heard them before. Give it a listen here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgOEMlKjwE4

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    1. I will listen! Sounds so beautiful. Thank you.

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  16. I love Palms and lucked out when we bought this Forever Home which has Two out front that were planted in 1980 so they're Magnificent already. Your Home is Lovely, I just J'Adore Old Homes and still miss our Historic Home we Sold. I've planted many a Tree that now is mature but not on properties we own anymore, still nice to see how Mature they've gotten.

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Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.