Monday, February 3, 2014

How Are You?

I gotta put on my shoes, I gotta walk through this gray day, the hawk is screaming, the stomach is knotting, walk some of it off, out, whatever this is, I should just take comfort in my own anxiety by now, wear it like an oddly familiar reptile, teeth in my neck, how the hell do you get used to that?

Oh well. Going to go to town to talk to this 85-year old former physician who acupunctures, who hypnotizes, see if it would cost a fortune, see what I feel, I think, I think that right now if someone offered me a brimming glass of hemlock, I might consider it; not really.

So strange. I almost am comfortable with the familiarity of the teeth in the neck, the knot in the stomach, the tingling of the limbs. As comfortable as one can be, I suppose. My mind gives me the messages that all is fucked along with and simultaneously to, everything is fine, it's just your mind. Sorry for the confusion and inconvenience, we are working on the problem, thank you for your patience. 

That's a little what it is like this morning.

How about where you are? Do you have screaming hawks or just the utter stillness of white-snow-quiet?

It's Monday and we begin again. It's February and the azaleas are starting to bloom. It's life and that's pretty much all there is to it. One foot in front of the other. Ignore the mind behind the curtain, the flashing raging crazy mind. Get on with it.


  1. I have a bit of screaming in my head, simultaneously with blue sky. Your walk inspires me, so here I go.

  2. Snowing here again. Whiteout conditions. Crazy brain behind the curtain over here too.

  3. Elizabeth- I hope it's a good walk. Mine was...gray. But we are doing it. We are out there, moving our bodies through the world.

    Angella- Can't we fucking get rid of that crazy brain behind the curtain? Can't we? And how do you deal with all of that snow? Do you stay inside? I certainly would.

  4. I know you'll relate to this. My big task for today is going to the grocery store. Little tiny ALDI which is very simple to get to and get in and get out. I've been planning to go for three days now. I may get to it today since I'm close to out of the essentials.

  5. It snowed here last night and it was not even in the forecast. It will last a day or two then it will be washed away. This will likely be the first and that last of the snow for the winter.

    And one foot on front of the other? Sometimes. Sometimes I stumble back. Other times I just sit down and cry.

  6. Oh, it can be so, so hard. But sometimes it melts away of its own accord and that's when you realise it is nearly all unreal. Or at least I think so.

  7. I went shopping today with new friends, but it was fun, not anxious. I bought stuff I would have never bought if I had been alone. I never buy stuff. I felt shoppy today.

    Sorry you are still feeling anxious. Download a Glen Harrold audiobook from iTunes and listen to it. Relaxation and hypnotherapy. It works.

    I think it's the time of the year. Weren't you anxious this time last year?

  8. Jill- Oh yes. I can relate. I hope you went, got your essentials. And if your experiences are like mine- the reality of the deed is never as anxiety-producing as the idea of it.

    Birdie- Me too, honey. I swear. Oh, I wish I could hug you.

    Jenny Woolf- Absolutely. And yet, even knowing the truth of this doesn't make it all disappear.

    Heartinhand- Was I anxious this time last year? I should go and check. I love feeling shoppy. Sometimes shopping really does help. Thanks for your recommendations. I am putting them in my back pocket, keeping them safe at hand.

  9. no screamy here. but plenty of crazy. quiet crazy, probably the worst kind.

  10. Still struggling to catch up on blogs. No screaming but I sure have been procrastinating on writing. Just enjoying a lot of other stuff lately.


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