Saturday, March 7, 2015

Still Life On Porch

Mr. Moon and I watched some of "Funny Girl" last night as we ate our delicious supper and this morning I have "Don't Rain On My Parade" as sung by Barbra Streisand ear-worming my brain and it's a bit disconcerting.

Elvis is crowing and ordering Mick away from the hens and Mick is crowing and keeping his distance

(Can you see Mick back by the gate?)

and it's a beautiful day and by god, when we die, there better be no dreaming because I can't deal with this shit any more. Every time I wake up in the night and then again in the morning, I've just had some horrible dream and truly, I think it's making me insane. All the damn themes are there. The not-ready-for-a-test-in-fact-what-class-is-this? dream. The I'm-driving-a-car-and-I-have-no-control-over-it dream. The why-did-I-let-this-Bozo-of-an-old-boyfriend-back-in-my-life? dream. The dreams of houses which are packed full of the detritus of former owners and I-have-to-do-something-about-the-shit dreams and those are always full of people who need meals and beds and clean sheets and towels. The where-is-my-husband-and-why-won't-he-come-save-me? dream. The I've-lost-the-children dream. The I'm-about-to-go-onstage-and-don't-even-know-what-play-we're-doing dream. The oh-my-god-I-haven't-fed-the-chickens-in-days-and-where-is-their-coop-in-this-new-yard? dream.
It's exhausting and I swear, my brain is having a hard time coming up with new scenarios to demonstrate and underline my anxieties, fears, worries, dysfunctions and general neurosis.

Where is the fucking acceptance and wisdom of old age? Huh? Huh?
Because I'm about ready for some of that shit. I've got the wrinkles and gray hair. Could I have some of the peace?

Obviously not.

Well, la-di-dah and the wisteria is starting to put out their little fuzzy buds and the Buckeye blooms are about to turn red.

Of course, this is one of my favorite signs of spring coming for sure:

Got a clue as to what that is? 
About two thousand baby spiders just hatching out of the eggs one of my Golden Orb Weaver mamas attached to the ceiling of the side porch with silk before she died last fall. 

No. I am not kidding you. And that's not the only hatch by any means. I suppose they must survive on the egg casing and silks until they get big enough to start catching and eating bugs. Poor little things. I doubt one in a hundred lives. 

Mr. Moon is on his second trip to town today. He got up and out before I even woke up this morning to get new tires on a vehicle and now he's gone to a basketball game and then to T-Ball practice. I think I'll go pull easy weeds in the garden just to have an excuse to be outside in this sun. I'm listening to a book by Carlos Ruiz Zafon. "The Angel's Game." It's set in Barcelona and it's sort of gorgeous and a bit supernatural and I love it. I hear it's a prequel to another book he wrote earlier, "The Shadow Of The Wind," which makes me happy because I have that to look forward to. 

Better to be in the sun on my knees in the dirt than thinking about the horrors that went on fifty years ago in Selma, the horrors that are still happening every day in places like Ferguson, ISIS destroying priceless ancient works of art, the bill that a huge asshole in Florida is trying to pass making it punishable for up to a year in prison if you use a public restroom which does not correspond to your birth-gender. The world is a red hot cluster-fuck and I myself have no way to uncluster that fuck at this moment and so I might as well go weed the garden and listen to gothic fiction being read by a guy with a voice that makes me purr. 

Hey- did you know that boiled peanuts taste more like cooked dried soybeans than they taste like roasted peanuts? It's true. 
I just thought I'd tell you that in case you've been wondering.

I'm here to serve. Don't rain on my parade. Etc.

Love...Ms. Moon


  1. Hello,

    I'm so sorry about the dreams. It reminds me of when I first started taking my blood pressure medicine. I had really vivid dreams every night for a long time. One of them (about driving an out of control car down a mountain side) is with me still after all these years. You might ask your pharmacist if any of your medications could be causing the dreams. It doesn't make the dreams any less vivid, but it does help to know that your mind isn't coming up with all these disasters all by itself.

  2. Portia- I know completely that it's my anti-depressant which causes these dreams. There's the rub. I've had the same experience on a different anti-depressant.

  3. I rarely dream but when I do it is tiring. I cannot imagine having these dreams every single night. Sympathy, gal - sympathy.

  4. I think all that talk about wisdom in old age is just bullshit.
    But I have met some very wise toddlers.

  5. jenny_o- If I could just have one sweet dream once in awhile, it would be okay. But no. Never.

    Sabine- Exactly! I agree completely.

  6. Talk about the not knowing your lines dream - AAAGH - But I do have two comp show tickets with your name on them for The Dixie Swim Club. And another two for Bug. We've dedicated the show to Kathleen. Let me know if and when you could come. Tonight at 8 - Matinee tomorrow at 2 - next two weekends at 8.

  7. Funny, my daughter loves that song and knows all the words! The spider babies are lovely and just a little skin crawly. It's so sweet that you watch for them and worry about them. You have a great big heart.
    And how in the heck did I miss the post about Jessie expecting??? Such happy news, belated congratulations. I have been a bad blogger reader, and even worse poster, but I remain hopeful that I'll get back in the game soon. :)
    Hope you get some sweet dreams and that book is wonderful.

  8. I used to have the "I am on stage and do not know what I am supposed to say" dream, but trivia hosting cured that shit. Buddy, I can talk on to a crowd. But the I am driving but do not have control dream? Oh, yeah. But I mostly don't like driving anyway.

  9. Mmm, I too have been having dreams. Not so scary or out of control but odd and discomforting. It's warm here, in the 80's. The older I get the more I dislike extremes in temperatures. And yes, you have a great, great, great big heart if one of your favorite signs of Spring are those spiders. I'd have to run away and hide or call Mr Moon to save me. I hope you still like me.

  10. That bathroom thing... It's like something out of a bad dystopian film. So bad it has to be made up.

  11. I have dreams like that all on my own, no medication. It's exhausting.
    I can't wait to feel warm sunshine, instead of cold sunshine.

  12. Jan- That is SO sweet! Thank-you! Hopefully we'll get there next weekend. I bet it's a great show!

    Mel- It's so weird. Your comments don't come to my e-mail box the way the rest of them do so when I come here to reply, I am always so pleased to see you! Thanks! Ah, the spiders fascinate me, you know? And when they grow up, they are such beauties and they do eat lots of bugs. So hey- gotta love them. Yes! Jessie is going to have a baby! We are all so very, very excited and pleased.

    That Hank- In my car dreams, I can't open my eyes or can't see and yet, I'm driving and it's so scary and I hate them! You never have liked to drive. Which is cool. And yes, you can definitely talk to a crowd.

    Joanne- Oh sweetie. I still LOVE you! I feel sort of stupid for not killing those spiders now but they're not hurting me one bit. I know that many people are deathly afraid of spiders. It's a real thing.

    Fien- It's so fucking embarrassing to be an American sometimes. Okay, a lot of the time.

    Heartinhand- I was out in the sun all day and it was beautiful! You will be so happy to thaw out, I know!

  13. The world is fucked up. But WISTERIA.

    Every night I hope for a dream of Dan. But mostly there are no dreams at all. Maybe I should count my blessings.

  14. I've had dreams like every one of those. Not fun. Love you sweet woman.

  15. boy, it's just one anxiety dream after another with you. I only get the not ready for a test and what class is this anyway dream. sometimes I just have to pull away from all the madness in the world and ignore it. just be the best person I can be, helping where I can. I saw some pretty white iris against the fence of the shop today that I did not know were there. I'm going to have to move them.

  16. Denise- Yes. Take your blessings where you can. But I so wish you could have a sweet dream about that sweet man being sweet.
    And yeah- wisteria. Soon the blooms will be knocking me out. I'll share.

    Angella- Love YOU, sweet woman.

    Ellen Abbott- I agree. Sometimes we just have to back the fuck up and let the world go on as it will. Moving iris sounds like a noble effort to me.

  17. I think maybe I would like to come back as one of those little spiders. Even if I did not make it to a full-grown spider. It would be fun being so little.

  18. Birdie- Yes! They are almost microscopic! I just went out and checked that porch again. It may be the baby spider capital of the universe.


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