Tuesday, March 17, 2015

And This Is Life

I love Jessie's midwife. She is the same midwife Lily had. She is calm and she is so down-to-earth and she's strong and she is funny. She loves children and she loves dogs and she loves her mamas.

She called Jessie Mama today.

She had done the preliminaries- checking Jessie's food journal and approving highly. She is sensible about these things and understands quite well how a pregnant woman needs a Frostie at one point or another and of course, a few french fries must go with. She congratulated her for her obvious enjoyment of a wide range of vegetables and fruit, suggested she get a little more protein. Pee and blood pressure had been checked. Blood drawn. And then it was time to go lay on the bed and listen for the heart beat.
Jessie stretched out her long frame and I sat beside her (Vergil is out of town on business) and Diana got in there with the Doppler and there it was. Strong and steady, the rhythm of a life and I was immediately seized with such a feeling and I burst into tears.
I had not thought I was going to do that. I have heard the heart tones of so many babies, including my own and now two of my grandchildren but none of that prepared me for hearing Jessie's baby's heart beating away. I guess if I had fourteen grandchildren, I would feel the same with each first listen.
I am tearing up now, thinking about it. I got a beautiful video but it shows a little of this and a little of that and although I would not mind and Jessie would not mind if most of you here saw it, it is a little personal. I feel as I write here that I am writing a dear friend but I do have to remember that although I am writing to many dear friends, some things are best kept a little more private.

But oh! What joy we felt, Jessie's face lighting up like a little sun had taken shelter there.
Glorious.
And that's when Diana started calling her Mama and it is truly and awesomely unbelievable to me that my baby (because she is the baby, after all) is going to have her own baby.
How can this even be so?
How can Jessie be a mama?
Well. She is. And I called her that all afternoon, perhaps trying to work my mind around it.

I have in my head the image of Lily yesterday, carrying one boy on each hip. She is so strong, she is such a good mama and they adore her and love it when she carries them like that. They cuddle her like bear cubs and she grabs them up and cuddles them back.
They will always be her babies. Just as my children will always be my babies.
Even as they have their own.

My mind is pretty well blown. How did the time pass so quickly?

I have no idea but it has and here we are and Jessie's baby is growing inside of her and just as she is changing into a mama, we around her are having to change too, to accept this new reality.
This beautiful, true miracle reality which is really all of the miracle I have ever needed.

How could there be any other more splendid, more astounding, even as it is the most prosaic and common piece of magic performed here on this planet?

I was humbled, once again by it all. And then we went and ate tacos and sauces so hot we got the hiccups and then went through boxes of baby clothes, laughing as we pulled the tiny garments out and held them up and tried to imagine this child, this tiny swimming bean of a child, wearing them, the sun streaming in through the window, both of us trying on a bonnet that someone had knitted big enough for an adult, sunflower yellow and we laughed about that, too, and it was a very, very good day.


18 comments:

  1. God, Mary. You paint a clear and beautiful picture. Jessie will no doubt be as sweet and natural a mother as anything in nature could be. And her child will love her like she's a goddess, and be treasured in the heart of all your love just like Lily's boys are. Lucky, lucky people.

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  2. I can't even believe it! I remember when she went off on an adventure before starting nursing school.

    Too much...

    And yes that first heartbeat/ultrasound witnessed always brings tears. It is extraordinary.

    xo

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  3. Lovely!

    And I think you are right to remember that your blog is open to the world, so it's good to be mindful of what you post. It's one reason I don't keep a blog; we are from a small town and we (esp. my husband) values his privacy. So I limit myself to reading and commenting. Sometimes it's hard!

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  4. You cannot imagine how happy this makes me. Your darling Jessie. Oh yes.

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  5. This is just beautiful...

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  6. It must be surreal for your baby to be having a baby. I can just imagine that. Jessie is so pretty and sweet and will be every bit the great mama that Lily is. I can't wait really. I love your family.

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  7. What great news! congratulations! Happy times!

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  8. After all these thousands of years it is still a mystery and an amazement.

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  9. You made me tear up too. I just know that when my one and only becomes a mama my heart will swell to twice the size.

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  10. I don't know about becoming a grandmother, but I do remember that glorious feeling of being pregnant and expecting new life. It is such a dramatic and glorious happiness. You made me feel that again.

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  11. Jo- I think so too. I think Jessie is going to be a fabulous mama. No. I KNOW she will be.
    We are all so lucky.

    Michelle- Wasn't that just yesterday? My god. Time flies so fast. How beautiful that you remember that.

    jenny_o- When I started blogging, I was deathly afraid of sharing anything online that would break my anonymity. I got over that. And it's all been good but I understand. And I try to preserve the privacy of those who want it.

    Angella- You just wait, woman! It will happen to you one day too!

    Sylvia- It was a very, very special moment.

    e- Jessie's face sure was beautiful.

    Joanne- Well, you're sort of part of it, aren't you?

    Elizabeth- The happiest moments...

    Jenny Woolf- Yes m'am!

    Ellen Abbott- Exactly the mysterious truth!

    Jill- It will burst from your chest.

    Mwa- I know. And I'm sure that these moments with my children remind me of those moments I had myself. I did love being pregnant. Well, until the end. You know.

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  12. Well, I don't know, because even when I tried without epidural they insisted I had one... So in the end I was spared most of the horror. "Minor unpleasantness" followed by a beautiful baby on my breast.

    (I'm sure this is my memory playing tricks on me. I objectively know there was more than "minor" unpleasantness - my memory just remembers the happy bits more.)

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  13. I am so glad for Jessie and you and all the others who love you both. I know that the birthed child will have a great family of origin. So fortunate.

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  14. Mwa- Oh, childbirth is a whole other issue. I was just talking about the last week or so of pregnancy when you feel like you're going to be pregnant forever and ever. "Minor unpleasantness." Haha!

    Syd- It's going to be such a loved, loved baby!

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  15. Yes, so excited for you and Jesse and all the tribe! x0 N2

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