It was Newton who said that a body at rest tends to remain at rest and at the moment I feel as if I were put here on earth to prove that shit.
I am not sure if I am suffering from inertia or ennui or the dregs of the illness or just a further intensification of my disinterest in leaving home. Whatever it is, it is strong. Mr. Moon talked about going to a movie today and I almost passed out at the thought. He also suggested we go to a big home show in town and that made me sort of want to die.
It's just all too much. I have always said that far from being Super Woman, I can only claim to be Barely Adequate Woman and these days even that is stretching it.
I don't know. I don't know.
I do know that for whatever reason, it is impossible for me to sleep through the night. I wrote awhile back about how it is an artificial and fairly modern thing to believe that we should do that- sleep a straight-through eight hours. That other cultures have no such belief and cheerfully wake up in the darkest hours and get up to have a little meal or sit around with others who are awake and relate dreams or whatever. I did not nap yesterday and I did not have my afternoon espresso and I took two Benadryl before bed and still, I woke up around two-thirty and was awake until after four. I ate a few crackers, I read. I didn't worry about it. If my body wants so badly to keep these particular hours that it will fight through the grogginess, the fairly powerful effects of the antihistamine, then who am I to try and force sleep upon it? This probably contributes to my disinterest in going anywhere. It is hard to get up the energy to think about going to town or doing almost anything at all when I feel such a persistent low-level of fatigue.
Maybe. Maybe that's it. Or maybe I am just becoming more and more neurotic or some other form of crazy, I do not know. But again, I am not really fighting it. Not today, at least.
It is, after all, Sunday, and this whole past week has felt like one long lost weekend. Tomorrow is Monday and I have things which I must do and therefore, will do, and it will be time to take a walk again, to at least move my body more than I have been, to fight the inertia, the ennui, the crazy. The boys are coming out today for a little while and that will be nice. I have, of course, laundry to do and plenty of things around here that require some attention and as always, I can figure out plenty of ways to waste time which require neither the putting on of a bra or the use of gasoline.
It is Sunday and I am going to allow myself this one more day to be at home, to make excuses for not engaging in the activities of the marketplace or of people or the world in general. I feel low and flat and completely uninspired.
Thus it is.
I am a body at rest. It will not always be this way, but for right now it simply is.