Monday, February 18, 2013

Another cold, clear day and Mr. Moon just called. He left at six for the gym and I thought he was calling to say "good morning" the way he often does between work-out and work.
But not today.
"Need anything from town?" he asked.
"What?"
"It's President's Day. I can't even get in the bank. I'm coming home."
Lord. We are not paying attention the way we should be.

I know you can get service animals for all sorts of things including, as Lily tells me, small dogs who protect their owners from anxiety, thus allowing the owners to take the dogs everywhere, including the grocery store. Could we, perhaps, get a very clever monkey to help us remember things around here? Because honestly, we could use some help.

Sigh.

So what's the deal with coconut oil? It seems to be the new miracle food supplement and according to claims, can help prevent and even reverse things as diverse as Alzheimer's, candida, and diabetes (when, of course, combined with the restriction of carbohydrates and liberal use of the oil). So now I'm supposed to get rid of the fish oil and flax and simply start using coconut oil? Jeez. Whatever happened to wheat germ? To nutritional yeast? To soy protein? To Vitamins C, D, B12 and E?
I can't keep up with this shit. I did buy and am using coconut oil. I admit it. Why not?
Still. A clever monkey might be a better answer. I'll bet monkeys like coconut oil. They might get testy if you tried to restrict their carbohydrates, however.

I don't know. It's Monday. I have got to take a walk. Mr. Moon is not going to work and he will not be going out of town, most likely, due to the fact that all of his possible customers' phone numbers are in the bank. Which, if he had a clever monkey, could possibly break into the bank for him and get those numbers.
Or maybe an orangutan. They're not monkeys but they are very, very clever. An orangutan could probably by-pass the alarm system and get into his office and retrieve the necessary information. Especially one hopped up on coconut oil.

Maybe we should just load up the boat and go to Dog Island. No one needs me until Thursday at least. I'm going to run that by the man. See what he says. It's supposed to warm up here some.
He'll probably say no. He'll probably tell me that he has to get back to work tomorrow. And he's probably right. But it's a nice thought. The idea of being on the island in the middle of a winter's week. No one will be there. We could probably go for three days without seeing another soul.

Why is that idea so appealing to me? When did I stop wanting to see people? When did I start preferring chickens and cardinals to people? When did I stop buying clothes, going out on Friday night and giving a shit about things? When did I stop paying attention? Or, at least stop paying attention to anything beyond my yard?

I don't know. I'm only half way through that jar of coconut oil. I'll let you know if things change when I finish it. Meanwhile, if you know any clever monkeys who are looking for jobs as service animals, shoot me an e-mail.

Happy Monday, y'all.

Love...Ms. Moon





16 comments:

  1. well, I definitely would prefer chickens to people since I am now having to deal with a very unpleasant situation. I hate it when rich people try to cheat me out of the money they owe me.

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  2. A monkey would be a messy way to keep track of things, since they like to fling poo.
    I totally get the anxiety dog thing. I think having some little creature to care for when you feel out of control is the best way to cope with anxiety.
    Coconut oil is the new black.

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  3. Coconut oil's first album was the best one.

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  4. wait, isn't coconut oil supposed to be bad for the heart? I can't keep up. When my son was born they told us to lay him down on his back so he wouldn't suffocate. By the time my daughter was born two years later they said to lay her down on her stomach so she wouldn't choke. Who knows what's real? I think i will check out this coconut oil thing, though. Thanks for hipping me to that.

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  5. There is an organization in Los Angeles that trains and places monkeys wirh the disabled -- I kid you not. And we've been using coconut oil for years with Sophie, and who knows? Maybe that's why she recovers from seizures all the time?

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  6. Ellen Abbott- And why is it always the richer ones who are so tight with every penny? It's odd.

    heartinhand- Coconut oil IS the new black! Haha! I know that monkeys fling poo. Darn it. But my fantasy clever monkey would not.
    Small dogs MAKE me anxious. Mine do, at least.

    Juancho- There is some debate about that.

    Angella- That's what they USED to say. Now they're saying it's good for everydamnthing. Who knows? Not me.

    Bethany- That would be awesome!

    Elizabeth- I know. I've seen those monkeys. They are very clever. And you may be right about Sophie. Wouldn't that be something?

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  7. For years I have been known to exclaim "if we had a monkey..." I do realize though that they throw their poop, so I have decided I will just pretend to want a monkey but not really want one (because of the poop thing).

    In my office we have several nurses that do consulting nurse things and ages ago I had a conversation with them about coconut oil. All I remember of it is that is is very important (in the nurses' opinions) that the cocounut oil be COLD pressed. Sounds like coffee. So maybe it is COLD something else, but I remember the cold part was important.

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  8. I need a job, and while I'm not an actual monkey, I've been known to be furry for my specie and I often act monkey-like. :)

    Happy President's Day!
    xo

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  9. Oh, and I NEVER sling poo! Well, unless you want me to fling some nasty person. You can pay me for that service!

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  10. Dog Island midweek? Oh god I hope it happens, I wold love that SO much.

    that and the clver monkey.

    ps my coconut oil is mostly unused. I'm into matcha tea now, and almond milk. hmmmmmm

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  11. I hate to jump on a bandwagon but coconut oil IS the deal. Someone in my dementia caregivers support group told me about it and my mom was just catatonic enough and I was just deparate enough to try it...and it worked. Like a charm.

    I mean, now she is only as dotty as your average 87 year old, but she can keep up with conversations, make jokes that are funny and get a lot of the answers on Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy, plus remember what she ate for lunch and that's a long way from catatonic.

    The whole cholesterol thing is a bit of a con. Cholesteral is necessary for brain development and maintenance. Statins are almost universally prescribed and maintain an artificially low cholesterol level that would never occur in anyone without taking statins. The start of the Alzeimers epidemic coincided with the advent of mass prescribing of statins for cholesterol control. She doesn't take statins anymore.

    -invisigal

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  12. Also, if you're going to try coconut oil, don't buy the ridiculously overpriced stuff in the health food stores. Go to your supermarket, especially one that might carry latin or caribbean items and get like Grace brand or whatever in a jar. Or an Indian grocery, they have it as well. And don't heat it. Just stir a tablespoon or so into porridge, soup or whatever before you eat it. I spread it on my mom's toast instead of butter. She says she doesn't know the difference.

    Believe me, her friends, people from her church and from her day programs have asked me what happened that she changed back to herself so suddenly.

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  13. Jill- Huh. Well, I am trying it, as I said.

    Ms. Fleur- Oh honey. Thanks. But I think I'll just stick with the fantasy monkey.

    Deirdre- Dog Island did not happen. Again. Sigh.
    What is matcha tea? I need to know. I eat almonds daily.

    Invisigal- I'll be darned. I sometimes put some in our smoothie and sometimes I gently heat it to cook things in or to use in salad dressing. Thanks for your very impressive testimonial. Are you using it?

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  14. Sadly, no. Part of my stupid-ass affliction where I know all about what's best for others while I run myself into the ground, physically and mentally. Literally and figuratively. I don't feel well or look well and I just turned 49 yesterday.

    Do you know a remedy for that?

    -invisigal

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  15. I wonder if coconut oil would help my MIL. Worth a try.

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