I am cooking chicken piccata or some bastardized version of it with mushrooms and baby vidallia onions (vidallia onions make big babies) and some broccoli with pine nuts and brown rice and wild rice and a salad and my famous (haha!) pineapple angel food cake with mixed berries.
I am trying to cook myself into a state of contentment. I am trying to soothe myself with chopping and sauteing and toasting and so forth.
It's funny. I just told Mr. Moon that I am sad, not depressed.
There is a difference.
And I'll tell you the truth- I would rather be sad for forty days and forty nights than depressed for five days. I ain't kiddin' you.
Costco was not bad today. A merry-looking man tried hummus for the first time while I was watching. He was round and smiling and he tried the hummus on a pita chip and he said, "I'd have to drink a bottle of wine with this to enjoy it."
The server-person said, "Well, there you go. Two rows over." And she pointed at the vast acre of wine waiting to be bought.
I doubt he bought hummus. I bet he bought wine.
I am thinking of that now. And that man's fabulous smile, his complete openness to the universe at that moment and it makes me a little bit less sad.
Hummus can soothe my weary soul. I make my own and it is so good. And wine? Oh, yes!
ReplyDeleteDid you know our Costco's don't sell wine. Actually alcohol can only be purchased in a licensed liquor stores in Canada. There is no alcohol at the grocery store or convenience store either. There is some Canadian trivia that you may or may not have known.
I will take the sadness too. I will even take grief and mourning over depression.
I think a lot of people who do live theatre get sad after everything is done. So much excitement and preparation than whooomp...sadness.
Yes, yes.....sadness and grief hurt like a knife plunged into the heart of you, but depression starts it's agony at a small point in the direct center of the being and then spreads within rapidly in every direction till you are completely eaten alive by it.
ReplyDeleteYou can somehow defend against an attack like a stab, but it is impossible to defend against the depression that expands from the center and destroys outward in all directions like a nuclear bomb.
I managed to explain this to my psychiatrist once and he was, believe it or not, impressed and enlightened.
I was pissed because, obviously he had never really suffered depression.
How can you treat it if you haven't felt it.? Sigh.
Glad you are just sad and not depressed.
Birdie- It's funny how they try to regulate the sales of alcohol. Here in the states there are some states where you can only but it at state stores. Weird. Hummus IS good but I could tell that it wasn't part of this guy's cultural reference. And honey- the play's not over. I have two more weekends. We'll go through all of this again. I am sure.
ReplyDeleteLo- What a jerk he was! Yes! There is so much difference. One you can live with and accept as life's due. The other? Not so much.
Here's a story for you from one of my many business trips over the summer:
ReplyDeleteMe, while eating another little tiny plate of fancypants food: "What's this weird stuff I am eating?"
Coworker: "Which?"
Me: "This weird-ass peanut butter."
Coworker:"....You mean hummus?"
Pause.
Me: "I'm a woman of the world."
Coworker: "Yeah. Clearly."
I am a real sophisticate, MM.
SJ- Honey, you just haven't been to enough hippie or lesbian pot-lucks. That's all I can say.
ReplyDeleteIf I came and visited you would you make me that without chicken in it? It sounds so good...sans chicken.
ReplyDeleteAnd in Pennsylvania you can't buy beer/wine/liquor in grocery stores or convenience stores. Isn't that strange?
I really haven't. And I'm picky.
ReplyDeleteWhen I'm sad I know why.
ReplyDeleteWhen I'm depressed I don't know why.
Feel better please.
Hummus is the go to snack when I hang out with D-Gang and her 5,000 children. Last night one of them discovered dipping salami in hummus - much to the chagrin of the vegetarian child. One time, a kid dipped a cupcake in hummus. Another time it was a paint brush.
ReplyDeleteAs for depression? Well you know how it goes....and it does go.
Love you!
God, I love people like that man too.
ReplyDeleteAfter polishing off a bottle of wine, he will no doubt not need the hummus--maybe a big hunk of cheese. Hope that you carry the thought of the hummus and the man with you to a feeling better tomorrow. It's just a valley right now.
ReplyDeleteSad is better than depressed - there is a why and the expectation of eventually easing up.
ReplyDeleteI envy you your Costcos with wine in them. And Walmarts and 7-11s. And the cheap liquor prices in general.
We are controlled and taxed to death.
I would've gotten the wine and the hummus.
ReplyDeleteThat man was living in the moment. The better thing to do. Save me a piece of that Angel pineapple cake!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you are sad. I don't think I make a difference between sad and depressed, they seem to merge into each other.
ReplyDeleteLiked your story about the supermarket. I hope he enjoyed his hummus if he bought it, but you're right, if he felt he needed something to take the taste away, it's not so likely :)
Well now I am really hungry. You always do this to me. You take me someplace and make me feel stuff.
ReplyDeleteI am amazed how you write about everyday things and make the magic happen.
I am sorry you are sad, I think it comes with being a great writer.
Erin- I think it would be good with Portobella mushrooms. I do indeed.
ReplyDeleteSJ- I can barely imagine life without hummus. But right now I am going through a rather burnt-out phase with it.
Rubye Jack- EXACTLY!
Omgrrrl- Salami and hummus sound like a good match to me.
Love you, too.
Nicol- He was pretty cute.
Syd- And you can get some BIG chunks of cheese at the Costco. They have everything!
Jeannie- Well, yeah. I guess our booze is fairly cheap and available. We'd probably revolt if it wasn't.
gradydoctor- I was eying beer and pizza. And oh yeah, the stuffed grape leaves. I love those things. Didn't buy 'em, though.
Photocat- There is plenty left.
Jenny Woolf- Hello, hello! What a lovely blog you have! Thanks for coming by, taking the time to comment. Please feel welcome any time.
Brother Wrecking Ball- I thought you had forgotten me! And here you are. I am so glad. How's your shoulder?
I so get you with your first two paragraphs. I was sad too yesterday a.m. But then at night I was all better!
ReplyDeleteI used to make hummus a lot and need to again. My food cuisinart thing I have had for a million years broke!
You really captured that man shopper's charm.
Michele R- I have a million-year old Cuisinart! If it breaks, I won't be able to cook any more.
ReplyDeleteIt hurts when I get a high opinion of myself.
ReplyDeleteP.S. My word Verificatio was Jackiit...how ironic.
Brother Wrecking Ball- Is that like a command?
ReplyDelete