We're Still Here

Lisa-Lisa, Redheaded Lisa Whom We Adore got in last night with her two kids who are awesome children. They are about ten and twelve, I think, and they are absolutely entranced with the chickens. They have fed chickens, they have gathered eggs and we have eaten eggs.
They're a great age, pretty independent but very mannerly and I think they like being here a lot, which is good.

The sky is gray and we're still getting gusts but they are gentle gusts. I think our whole crowd is staying for the storm. Jessie woke up and thought she might want to leave and they packed up what they needed but then Vergil went and got plywood to board windows and they have tons of supplies AND a basement AND a generator AND their house is brick and on high ground so they should be good and I think they're going to stay too. Mr. Moon has gone into town to get a sheet of plywood to board up the one window in the dining room and we can make that our bunker room if we feel it's necessary. Lily says she's already cried a few times and has been in and out of the bathroom but she's okay. Publix decided to close at noon instead of five so Jason will be home soon and she'll feel better. I think we need to make yet another scale for a storm- the toilet paper roll scale.
If you are going through more than one roll of toilet paper a day for a small amount of people, there's probably stress happening. The more rolls, the more stress represented.
Right?
I have lots of extra toilet paper.

And so we wait. We should start seeing some real weather late tonight and the brunt of it should be here by early afternoon tomorrow. I've seen predictions as scattered as pick-up-sticks on the floor. Pick the one you like- winds of 110 mph or winds of 65 mph. Everything in between.

As long as a tree doesn't fall on us, we'll be okay. And frankly, people rarely die when a tree falls on their house. As May pointed out, the tree has to go through the roof before it hits you which lessens the impact. And in our house, it would have to go through the top floor, too.
Not that I want a tree to fall on us. I really don't.

Now excuse me please. I need to go to the bathroom.

Love...Ms. Moon

This, Too, Is What A Hurricane Feels Like

Leon County, the county just to the west of us, has declared a volunteer evacuation for anyone who does not feel that they have the supplies or resources for at least 3-5 days of being unable to get to a store or live without electricity.
This is, of course, a worst-case scenario but it has added to the feeling of anxiety around here. At one point today I got a phone alert which literally said, "Evacuate immediately." I hear that it was a mistake alert sent in Jefferson County which is where I live.
It didn't help.

Everyone is on edge. People are snapping at each other and it's completely understandable. Throw in people being in closer quarters than usual and things can get unpleasant.

The problem is, is that this storm is not doing what it should be according to those who know. And among those, there is vast disagreement about how the storm is going to affect our area. I've read it could arrive as a Cat 3 or Cat 5 and I've also seen it said that no, no, it will only be somewhat like Hermine was last year but not as intense. And all of this depends on whether Irma slips back onto land as it travels northward which would deplete its energy or if stays on the nice cozy warm waters of the Gulf which would only strengthen it.

Well, it is what it is and it will be what it will be and I have people driving up from Tampa right now. The storm isn't supposed to hit the keys until daybreak tomorrow but we are already getting some light gusts. Mr. Moon spent all day long gathering up stuff outside and taking things to the trash. I wisely spent some of my time cleaning my old office space FOR ABSOLUTELY NO APPARENT REASON except that it's been needing doing for a long time and why not? It felt sort of good to get that done. And then, when I got the news about my dear Lisa-Lisa coming up with her mama and her children, I made soup. Of course.

I told Mr. Moon that I really hope we don't evacuate because I'd hate to leave that soup behind and lose it. 

Well, since I started this, the Ativan I took earlier has kicked in and I'm sipping a vodka, cranberry, pineapple, and tonic and I feel a lot less stressed. If you want to judge me about my mixing of meds and booze, you just go right ahead and do that. Meanwhile, I'm grateful to have some relief of the simmering panic I've been feeling all day although I just went into the kitchen to stir some spices and seasonings into the soup and the guy on the radio is warning us that things can be replaced but our families can not. 

Breathe. 

We're going to be all right. I can almost bet the ranch on that. 

Much love...Ms. Moon

Being Here Now. For Now.

Irma is tracking ever more westerly and if it enters the gulf, we're going to have to think about leaving. Which is a horrible thought. Traffic is gridlocked.

This is absolutely maddening.

I just talked to a dear friend down in Tampa. She has two children and her husband is determined to stay there with the house and she doesn't know what to do. Of course I told her she can come here but...what if we have to leave?

No one knows what the right thing to do is. No one.

We have absolutely no rooms in this house that don't have windows. The center hallway was built for cross ventilation which...well.

The good news is that when this house was built they used real wood and built it strong.

Anyway, I need to breathe, to try and calm down. If you looked at me right now you would not see an overtly freaking woman but inside I'm a mess.
My babies.
My friends.

It's going to be all right. Mr. Moon promised.
"We'll be fine," he said.

I need to ground myself. I need to stay focused and not float away on a cloud of disassociation which would do not good for anyone.

All will be revealed. Breathe. Etc.

Love...Ms. Moon

Hunkering Down

Almost every Floridian has stories of hurricanes we've survived. Tales of huddling in our houses as candles flickered and winds roared outside, fearing that our windows would not withstand the pressure, our roofs, our walls. Hearing the sway and crack of trees as they bend under pressure too great for them to bear and waiting with held breath that horrible second to see if something comes through the roof.
Ay-yi. It's not a joke and the people of Florida are not fooling around about this storm. The roads are packed. I've read stories about people having to turn around and go home.
And it's not just the storm itself which is absolutely bad enough. It's the inconvenience afterwards, the still so very hot and muggy late summer days which have to be borne with no air conditioning, not even a fan if there's no generator. The food that goes bad in the freezer. The cold showers if you're lucky enough to have water. The constant reaching for the light switch which does not work, over and over again. The mountains of limbs and debris covering the yard and the house and the cars and everything. The smell of mold and mildew, the roads not passable due to fallen trees and branches. The ugly air-splitting sound of generators and chain saws.
This is when we realize how extremely spoiled and puny we modern day humans are when our faithful and trusted services fail us. We have absolutely no idea how useless we are without our electricity and internet and TV and cars and well-stocked grocery stores until we have to do without them.

And the waiting for it all to happen- I've compared hurricanes to labor and I stick by that comparison. Like labor you're never quite exactly sure when or where it will begin and you don't have the slightest idea how things will go. And then there's the factor of not being in control. Just as the body has a mind of its own when it's time for a baby to be born, the storm has a mind of its own as it travels and wreaks its destruction and there is nothing to be done to hasten that or to avoid it. The timeline is not ours.
It must just be endured.

And so now we are waiting. Things shouldn't really start to get interesting here until Sunday and Monday. A whole other day to wait and not grow either complacent or overly anxious. Neither of those will serve us. I can't even begin to imagine how the people in south Florida feel right now.
Well, I can begin to imagine.
I can.

Mr. Moon and I just had a walk-about in the yard, discussing what we still need to do. Park the cars as far away from trees as possible which is a bit difficult in that we have trees everywhere. Try to figure out how to get Dearie and his two hens into the chicken coop because trying to ride out a hurricane on a tree branch is probably not going to work very well. Bring in the wind chimes and hanging plants. Board up the shed whose door has rotted off.
And so forth. We looked up at the canopy of branches above us and I said, "Well, we're going to be getting a lot of free tree-trimming."
We both sighed.

I've found the old phone which does not require electricity and plugged it into the phone line and got a beautiful dial tone. After some storms, we don't get cell reception at all due to towers being down and we don't get it that well under the best of circumstances so a landline is still a necessity to us and I am grateful to have it.
Also, in preparation for the storm I have made an angel food cake with leftover egg whites. Just what everyone needs for a hurricane- an angel food cake. Right?
Ah well, we do what we do to comfort ourselves, to try and stay busy, to cast magic spells of normalcy and safety and domesticity.

I just saw on FB that Publix's will be closed at five o'clock on Sunday. I've never seen this happen before but I'm glad they're doing it. As the mother of a Publix employee and the mother-in-law of another, I am grateful that Lily and Jason will not be trying to drive home during high winds and rain but will be with their family as they should be.
Thank-you, Publix.

Now. We'll just have to see what the Waffle House Hurricane Index shows.
Don't laugh. It's a real thing.

And they say that by tomorrow morning they'll be able to predict more accurately where Irma is going to turn and where she looks most likely to go.

We're hanging on to our hats...
We're Floridans so we're already batshit crazy.
I'll check in tomorrow morning while things are still relatively sane.

Love...Ms. Moon

Whachu Gon' Do?

As far as I'm concerned it does no good whatsoever at this point to try and figure out where this storm is going to hit Florida and what it's path is going to be. Right now it looks like it's going to hit south Florida and then come right on up the spine of the state.
Tallahassee hotel rooms are filled to capacity and I hear that gas is scarce. Some people are in Tallahassee to ride out the storm, more are probably here to pause before heading to parts farther away. The word "gridlock" is being tossed around.

I wonder if Trump will be spending the weekend at Mar-A-Lago?
Hahahahahahaha!

Meanwhile it's a beautiful, relatively cool day here with clear skies and I need to take a walk and try and shake off some of this worry. We're all in the same boat here, so to speak, and won't really be getting much wind or rain until Sunday, most likely.

I'm going to need more beer by then.

Thank you to everyone for your concern. This is just living in Florida and by golly, I lived through one of the worst hurricanes in history when I was six years old and have survived plenty since then. This is not to say that if given the choice I'd never sit through another but unless I decide to move to another part of the country that's not going to happen. Plus- if it's not hurricanes it's earthquakes or forest fires or tsunamis or tornados or...

As dear Roseanne Roseannadanna used to say

Happy Friday, y'all.

Love...Ms. Moon

Freak or Fly? Who Knows? But Here We Are

This whole storm-watch thing is maddening. We pin our hopes and our plans on one forecast track and then, a few hours later, the computer models show a different track. One which has us thinking about evacuation again, or at least more preparation.
Florida is running short on gas. Many stores run out of bottled water the second they unload the truck. This sort of disturbs me. What's wrong with tap water? I am filling up juice bottles and freezing them and whatever else plastic bottles I can find to wash out and clean. They will help the freezer stay colder longer should we lose power for days and when they thaw, we can drink them if need be. You can be damn sure that I'll be filling up the bathtubs. Flushing toilets without running water is a problem and quite frankly, one I'd like to have a solution for that doesn't involve bottled water.
We've got plenty of food and I'll just lock the chickens up in the coop if it comes to that. It's pretty sturdy and for that, I am grateful to Mr. Moon. There are things in the yard which should be tucked away somewhere but some of them are just too big for any space we have. A few vehicles and a boat, for sure.
I hear the highways are filling up with traffic and when I came home from town today the westbound lane of I-10 was notably busier than the eastbound.
I need to move my porch plants. I'm not sure where. I guess back to the wall of the porch. A few of the lighter ones probably need to come in.
And all of this depends on...the forecast.

Of course.

Sigh.

Meanwhile, as I keep saying, life goes on.
I had to get my teeth cleaned this morning and although I dreamed last night that I missed my appointment and then could not find my phone nor remember the name of my dentist, I made it there with plenty of time to spare and remembered my dentist's name easily and my hygienist's too.
That was just one more little anxiety trigger but I survived and my teeth are fine.
After that I met Jessie and August for lunch at the buffet which has everything from curries to fried rice and one freezer with desserts and one refrigerator with desserts. August enjoyed everything today and he wanted Jello for his dessert. He'd never had Jello before. Never even seen Jello before, so we were interested to see what he did with it.
He poked his finger in it mostly. That made him happy. What a fun food!

He didn't really like the taste so much, though, and didn't eat much of it. He much preferred the miniature cheesecakes which are the size of a candy. 

The boy has good taste. 

After lunch I went across the road to the Goodwill which I have not done for a long time. I got some nice things including lace curtains for Lily, a shirt that might do for Jessie after her baby is born, soft and easily nursey accessible. I found a braided rug and some beautiful placemats which inspired me to throw out some of my oldest ones. I also got a nice linen dress and a small leather bag which I looked up online and which you can buy new, now, for almost two hundred dollars and I paid nine. It's obviously been used but not abused and I rather love it. 

And so overall, it's been a good day and even the temperature and humidity have been a lot more comfortable but in a way, that only adds to the feeling of things not quite being real. It's as if we are caught here in some land between knowing and not-knowing, action and in-action, paradise and terrifying hell. They're saying that until Saturday morning, we really won't know for sure where this storm is going. 

And even then...

I wish we had more flashlights but forget finding a one on the shelves around here. Some lamp oil would be good for my lanterns but again...it's all been sold. And thus, we shall just make do as needs must. 

Here. Look at this.

A blue egg to go with the green one I got yesterday. Owl and Lucy are in business. 

Talk to you tomorrow. 

Love...Ms. Moon

Mr. August And Mer Have A Whole Lot Of Fun

So. How can you be too worried about anything when this little goof is playing with you?
We had so much fun.

He's definitely going through a stage with his mother wherein he doesn't want to do anything that she wants him to and there are tears and NO's involved but that's the way it is with Mama. My theory is that children know that their mothers will not kill them; everyone else? Questionable. So with me today he was as sweet and agreeable as a child can be. Everything I suggested he was completely onboard with except he did not want to lay down on the bed and read books! No! We could sit on the couch and read books or sit in the swing and read books but NOT ON THE BED! Because, you know- he might fall asleep. 

And we read a lot of books. 

We fed chickens. He already knows Mick by name and can also say Joe Cocker. We found Dearie next door in a fenced area by my neighbor's chicken coop and as soon as Dearie saw we were passing out treats, he slipped through a gap in the fence and came to beg for the cornbread.

I don't know if that rooster is smart to stay out of Mick's way or if he's just craven. Either way, he sure is a handsome fellow. Mick and Joe Cocker seem to have worked out their relationship quite well. They appear to coexist fairly peacefully and I am glad of that. 

And oh, I am quite sure that our Trixie is gone. I have not seen her in days and days. I think she went off to die and probably did. 

Rest in peace, you sweet old singing hen. You were Mick's favorite and Elvis loved you too. 

But back to August. I let him stand on the step stool where he couldn't burn himself to help me cook while I was making his macaroni and cheese. That's when I took those pictures at the top. 

"Shell?" he asked. 

"Yes," I said, and then I showed him how I use the shell as a spoon rest and next thing I knew, he was stirring pots with every wooden spoon available. 

I would sing a little song about stirring as I attended to the macaroni and then I would tap-tap my spoon and lay it on the spoon rest and then he would stir his pots and sing a little and sure enough, tap-tap his spoon before he lay it down. 

He was almost frantic to get in the high chair, which he loves, and I got him in and gave him his plate of macaroni and cheese and pieces of watermelon and he was beside himself with joy. We both ate vast quantities of macaroni and cheese and don't tell Mama but sometimes we even ate like a bear with our fingers. 

There he is demonstrating his method of sucking air through a noodle. He is very good at this. Probably world-class-professional-good. 

He patted the cats and Maurice appeared to be appalled but did not scratch him. Jack of course, barely noticed as he was taking his daily eight-hour nap on my bed which prepares him for his nightly eight-hour nap on my bed. 

We went back outside and he played on the play set and it had already rained and it was wet and filthy and soon, he was wet and filthy too. But happy as he could be. 

This is when he was relatively clean. I asked him to stand by the hurricane lily and let me take his picture and he did. He looked pensive in this picture so I asked him to smile for another one and he did. The boy has a pretty good fake smile if you ask me. 

We gathered eggs and found one just laid and I held it up to his cheek the way I've always done for his cousins so he could feel the warmth. He carried it to the house and then very, very carefully laid it in a bowl. 

We walked to the post office and he almost fell asleep but did not so we came in and played with little dinosaurs and tigers and zebras and then his mama came. He was so happy to see her but ran to the other side of the house so that she had to chase him and take him up in her arms and they kissed and he was merry with the joy of it all. 

He did not want to leave and when Jessie was buckling him into his seat he said, "MerMer drive." 

It is lovely being the grandmother where you can do things like eat macaroni with your fingers and encourage such foolishness in the children without regard to their table manners. Table manners are not my job! My job is to get on the floor and play with dinosaurs and kiss toes and show babies how warm eggs are when they are fresh out of the hen's butt. My job is to encourage silliness and reward it with laughter and more kisses. My job is to make the mouse puppet talk and kiss him and to help open the flaps on the pages of books that have flaps and to sing songs while I stir and to be right there when the child goes up a ladder or learns to climb on the rocking horse. My job is to notice and celebrate each accomplishment, each smile, each question. 

It's a very, very good job to have. And the rewards are endless. Plus, it's fun. 

And to top it all off, after August left with his beautiful mother, I did another egg sweep and found a gorgeous new green egg which means that either Owl or Lucy are laying now.

I have still been checking the tropical weather websites way too frequently. The latest projections continue to have it heading east but these are early days and those storms will do what they want. We had a little rain and wind this afternoon and lost power for over an hour just as a result of that.
Practice run?
No. Just Lloyd.

Everyone be well. Everyone stay safe. Don't be afraid to eat macaroni with your fingers. Hold a fresh, warm egg up to your cheek. Celebrate all accomplishments.

Love. Do that. Love.

Weather Report

I've been up for about an hour and a half and have gone through my first wave of awakening anxiety. Obsessively checking the forecasts for Irma which is now officially being called the strongest Atlantic hurricane in recorded history.
Have you ever been in winds of ninety or a hundred miles an hour?
Double that.

Well.

Supposedly the storm is taking a bit more of an easterly track right now which would put it more on the east coast of Florida (duh) but the storm is so huge that no matter where in the state it is, everyone is going to feel it. And it's so hard to wish for it to shift and avoid you, knowing that you have beloveds everywhere in the state who are going to be affected. Not that any of us have magical powers but our superstitious ancestor genes make us feel sometimes as if we do.

I'm just letting the fear run out of my fingers here. It's still hot and muggy and Jessie is going to bring August out for me to play with for a few hours so she can get some things done. She's going to brave the Costco today. So that will be cheering for me, to hang out with that sweet boy. To feed the goats and chickens, to read books and play with blocks. To maybe rock on the porch swing until he falls asleep for his nap.

Life goes on.

Good morning from Florida.

Love...Ms. Moon

It's Really Not Funny But Let's Laugh While We Still Can

Well, for whatever reason I have reached a place of absurd acceptance in the hurricane preparedness mind-mode.
I say that but this could change at any second.
I mean, my stomach is still constantly feeling like I might puke but my mind is pretty okay.
Except when I think about the two strange things I saw today. One was two juvenile raccoons, trundling right down Old Lloyd Road which is a pretty heavily traveled road, as if they had a destination involved. Raccoons do not generally do walk-abouts during the day and I have NEVER seen a coon just walking down a paved road. Ever. They were about as cute a sight as you can possibly imagine but still...it just didn't feel right.
The other was a doe who was just standing on the shoulder of another fairly busy road, looking confused and disoriented. She had not been hit, she was just standing there.
Again- unusual.

But, you know, probably nothing but a strange coincidence.

Here's what the latest map looks like:

Or, if you prefer the more traditional "cone of uncertainty" there is this one. 

Bottom line is, we still don't know shit about where that storm is going to go. But. The fact of the matter is, it's already a catagory five storm and is, at this time, the 5th biggest Atlantic storm recorded in history. 

And they get bigger and they get stronger over the Gulf. 

And before this thing blows itself out, some people are going to go through hell. There is no way around that. And a lot of them are going to be the people who live in some of the poorest places in the world. 

So. 

This is a serious thing and people were lined up to get gas and water at Costco, and Publix was out of water and ice. There was not ONE cart in the cart area of Costco and I have never seen that before. Floridians are taking this seriously and at least in this family, discussions about evacuations are taking place. May and I were just talking and she and Michael have even made plans to take their cat if they evacuate and I, of course, haven't even thought about that. But then I said, "Hey! Jack spent twenty-eight days in a bedroom and he was FINE!" and I started laughing in that weird sort of wacko-crazy way and then May joined in and well, we've just got to laugh. 

It's not really funny at all, none of it is, but here we are and we're doing all we can do to get ready and laughing does really help with that puke feeling in the belly.

What? Me worry? 

Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Throw in the fact that the west coast is on fire and Trump's termination of DACA which is the most cruel and inhumane and STUPID thing possible the fucking racist could have done and I just want to hook myself up to a canister of laughing gas and let the good times roll!

Don't bogart that joint, my friend! And pass that bottle over here!

Okay. Calm down, Mary. Just simmer down, now. 

I stopped by Lily's house on my way home to deliver a few treats for the kids including a Costco-sized allotment of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Gibson saw that and shouted, "YOU ARE AMAZING!" and my day was worth it. Owen was pretty happy about that too. And Maggie? Well, she was just happy to see me because that's our Maggie. 

And...continuing in the theme of this morning's poem about Keith Richards (and I am so sorry that it formatted so insanely for some of you) I add this picture which I found on the Facebook today. 

If Billy Collins was correct, we are still okay, us Planet Earthlings, because Keith and the Stones are about to kick off a fall European tour in Hamburg in four days. I feel quite sure that Muddy Waters will be mentioned. 

And Keith looks good, doesn't he? 

Well, I think so. I think he looks SPLENDID!

I hope he could get up off the floor. I'm frankly quite impressed he got down there to begin with. 

Mr. Moon's out back, trying to fit the old convertible (or the Honeymoon Car, as Owen calls it) back into the garage. He pulled it out recently to work on a deer blind or something. Hurricane preparation takes many forms. 

And please, don't worry. I think I have an adequate amount of vodka and pickled okra.

Priorities, people. Priorities. 

Stay tuned! 

Love...Ms. Moon

Anti-Anxiety Poem, Plus Pictures

There you see a boy giving Cheerios to his Boppa who is painting,

while here you have that boy kissing that Boppa. 

The anxiety and weirdness are in full force today. This feels too familiar by far. What is there to do but repost a poem by Billy Collins that I posted a year ago? 

Here. 

COSMOLOGY

By Billy Collins

I never put much stock in that image of the earthresting on the backs of four elephantswho are standing on the back of a sea turtle,who is in turn supported by an infinite regressionof turtles disappearing into a bottomless forever.I mean how could you get them all to stay still?

Now that we are on the subject,my substitute picture would have the earthwith its entire population of people and thingsresting on the head of Keith Richards,who is holding a Marlboro in one handand a bottle of Jack Daniel’s in the other.

As long as Keith keeps talking aboutthe influence of the blues on the Rolling Stones,the earth will continue to spin merrilyand revolve in a timely manner around the sun.But if he changes the subject or even pausestoo long, it’s pretty much curtains for us all.

Unless, of course, one person somehow survivesbeing hurtled into the frigidity of outer space;then we would have a movie on our hands—but wait, there wouldn’t be any handsto write the script or make the movie,and no theatres, either, no buttered popcorn, no giant Pepsi.

Putting that aside, let’s imagine Keithstanding on the other Rolling Stones,who are standing on the shoulders of Muddy Waters,and, were it not for that endless stack of turtles,one on top of the other all the way down,Muddy Waters would be standing on nothing at all.
Love...Ms. Moon

Quiet

I have literally done nothing today except take a walk, read, nap, and do a few of the smallest household chores.
This is about the most exciting thing I did today:

I put new dirt and a plant in Mr. Moon's bass (I guess it's a bass) office planter. His old plant died after years and years of life under difficult conditions. 

I was going to go into town and hang out with August so that Jessie could help Vergil paint. They are trying to finish up some house things before Little King Richard shows up and I was going to take them some soup, too. But Jessie kept texting me that if I needed to take a day off, to do it, that they'd be fine and finally, I just admitted that I really needed to do that and besides, Mr. Moon went over to their house to help and took the soup and I have to keep reminding myself that the world will not come to an end if I decide to just rest and be quiet. 

It felt so disconcerting but also, wonderful to remember the pleasure of lying on a bed and being cool on a hot summer's day, simply reading a book, the pages flying by, the story unfolding, the characters becoming a part of my reality. 

Some days the lines between heart and head and soul and past and future and present just grow a little wavery and today was one of those days. And I simply let it be. 

I just saved a bumble bee's life. 

There. I've done my job. 

Love...Ms. Moon

Paying Attention Is Paying Tribute

There's one place on the path in my walk where this time of year the air is virtually alive with butterflies and dragonflies and birds, too. It's a nature-planted butterfly garden and today I simply stopped for a moment to witness all of the life dipping and darting and swaying and alighting and soaring in the late-summer air. It felt as if perhaps I was seeing the very apex of life in North Florida as every creature was taking in the last of summer's abundance.
The places in the path which are sandy were covered in the baby-toes-looking prints of the raccoons and I wondered what it must look like there at night- a woodsy highway of small furry animals, going about their nocturnal business under a silver moon.

There's so much on my heart today. And anxiety clouds everything. The walk, however, and  a shower afterward, helped. I've talked to my husband about us taking some steps to get ready just in case a category five hurricane does decide to come this way. Tanks for generator need filling, generator needs testing, batteries need to be gotten, water, food, cars filled with fuel.
There is always so much to be anxious about if one does not have the proper filters.

Korea.
A planet which seems to either be on fire or flooded.
Phone calls.
Doctor appointments.
A president who, upon leaving a shelter for displaced victims of a hurricane who have possibly lost everything they own, says, "Have a good time!" before he boards Air Force One with his model wife.

Like that.

Meanwhile, here we are and no matter what the hell is going on in this world or in my own tiny head, it would be a sin not to stop and notice the butterflies, the dragonflies, the birds and the sky and the first red leaves which are dropping to the ground (yes, even here, even now), the slight change in temperature and humidity, the minuscule fern-banked pond which lies so still and quiet right behind the old gas station, the beginning buds of firespike, the sudden shooting up of hurricane lilies, the humming chatter of the crickets.

And of course, the color purple. 

And so I do. 

Love...Ms. Moon

From Beans To Tofu To Eggs To Bacon. And Guava Bars

Well, it was a fiestita indeed! There you have Hank and Rachel and Gibson toasting. This was right after Gibson made us all do the hands-together/hands-in-the-air thing and we had to chant a strange chant and I looked at Owen and said, "Does he do this at home?"
"Nope," said Owen. And proceeded to chomp down on his breakfast burrito which contained cheese and bacon because that's what he wanted.

I think Michael put everything in his tortilla. 

And dang, there was a lot to go in one. 

Rachel and Jessie encouraged me to cook the bacon in the oven. 

"That's the only way I cook bacon," said Rachel. 

And so I laid out the strips on a cookie sheet and baked it and damn. I'll never fry bacon again. What's wrong with me that I didn't know about this? 

Like I need a better and easier way to cook bacon. 

Rachel also brought guava bars. Yes. Guava bars. They were absolutely delicious. Sweet and pungent with that taste of guava that takes me right back to my childhood. That girl knows I love guava. She does too. And she is a damn fine cook. 

August ate for about two minutes then wanted down from the high chair.

He grabbed my hand.
"Come," he said. Like Jesus or something.
I didn't though. I was too busy eating. That's probably what I'd tell Jesus too.
"Sorry, Jesus. Can't follow you right now. Gotta eat this burrito before it gets cold."
I did read him two books later though. August. Not Jesus.

Magnolia went from lap to lap as she does.

She doesn't want to miss anything that might not have been put on her plate. 

And here's May with Lily. 

And that is everyone who was there because Vergil was painting and Jason was working and Mr. Moon was catching red snapper. 

So it was fun and by the time it was all over and I finished up the little bit of tidying that the kids hadn't done, I was ready for a tiny nap and since no one was here to stop me, I took one. 

If there's one thing about older age I do like, it's that I get to take undisturbed naps. 

Sweet, sacred, quiet, blessed, peaceful, holy naps. 

And that's all the news I have today. I did find four nice white eggs on the front porch by the big fern. I did the float test on them and they all passed so they are now in the refrigerator. Those darn chickens. I know some of them are laying in places other than the nest. 

What else is new?

Free range chickens get to choose where they lay. 

But we all know I'm not in this for the eggs. Although the eggs are a royal reward. 

It was a good Sunday and I am so grateful that all of my babies came out to see me and eat breakfast burritos. 

And guava bars. 

Mmmmmm...

Guava bars. 

Big love, y'all. 

Ms. Moon

Because I Know You've Missed Maurice

Maurice is getting ready for the burrito breakfast. First she grooms, then she sits and keeps watch. The other day when the boys were here, Gibson told me that he had given Maurice some food so she wouldn't be so frisky.
I think he meant vicious. It's a good morning here in that she hasn't drawn blood yet.

Mr. Moon got up at four to go fishing again and will miss the whole thing which means that I will have four grandchildren asking constantly for their Boppa.

Oh well. I better start getting ready. I need a steam table.

It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood and for now, all is peaceful. Soon enough, though, it will get rather frisky. And that is all right.

Love...Ms. Moon

Professional Worrier, At Your Service

I woke up this morning with a raging case of anxiety. The kind that has no anchor upon which to tie the ship but which just causes me to float on those choppy seas with no explanation.
I finally took an Ativan because it wasn't going away and my stomach felt like I was going to puke but not because of anything physical, just the anxiety. Like butterflies in the stomach but butterflies that you get before you go onstage and don't know your lines or maybe even which act you're supposed to be doing.

I talked to Jessie because we were making plans to go to a nursery where the native plants were buy one, get one, and I told her I was having anxiety but that I was going to be okay and we discussed how it's very much like her arthritis. Some days she wakes up and feels absolutely fine and some days she wakes up and she knows she's going to need to take medication. You learn to live with the situation and you get through it and you adapt and you do the damn best you can.
That made me feel better although I told her that since this is a "mental" illness rather than a "physical" illness, there is an element of guilt and shame attached because no matter what we know or what we do truly believe, there is some part of us which thinks that if we'd just...I don't know...choose not to have anxiety? we'd be fine.
"I hope as you get older you get over that," she said.
We both paused.
"I don't really see that happening," I said.
"I don't either," she said.
And there is peace in acceptance.

I love my children so much. They have had to suffer the consequences of my problems their entire lives and some of those consequences have not been pretty. Misplaced anger, flattening depression, an inability to focus where I should have focused which was directly on them as they were growing up. I tried but I surely did not always succeed.
The things my husband has had to go through are just as bad if not worse.
In my lowest times I have wondered why any of these people still love me at all. The fact that they do is absolutely the greatest mysterious blessing of my life.
And I owe them my life. Many, many times over.

But today was okay and I went into town and picked up August and his mama and we went to the nursery and Jessie looked at plants and picked some out while I just played with August, following him around as he went from fountains to fairy-furniture to animal puppets to wind chimes. It was lovely. There were so many people there but the people at plant nurseries (especially one like this one which does most of its trade in native plants and crafts) are like the people in libraries for the most part. There for a reason, a purpose for being there which in one case is to acquire words and knowledge and in the other, plants and knowledge.
And Jessie picked out some plants and August did not care at all when he lost sight of her. He's been going through a little thing where he wants to know where his mama or his daddy is all the time. But today that didn't seem to matter and when I'd say, "Let's go find Mama," he'd look up as if to say, "Oh! Yeah! Mama! Eh, she's around here somewhere."
Honestly he reminds me so much of Jessie when she was a little one. She, too, was little and very blond and tanned and she just went everywhere with me, usually in a sling across my hip. She viewed the world from my side and stayed small enough long enough for us to go through life like that for quite awhile.
Just goes to show that the size a child is when they're young doesn't necessarily indicate the size they'll be when they grow up. I think of putting my six-foot tall daughter in a sling and trying to carry her now and laugh and laugh.
I guess I'm saying not to worry about the growth charts too much.

After I dropped them off at home, I went to Publix and bought things for tomorrow. The kids are coming out for brunch and Lily suggested we have breakfast burritos and that sounds perfect to me. I bought four kinds of tortillas, avocados, beans, salsa, turkey sausage, sour cream, crema Mexicana, and I don't even know what all. I have bacon and onions and peppers and cilantro and tomatoes and a Costco block of cheese. And eggs, of course.
We shall make do.

Have you seen this?

That's some of the computer models for the path which Hurricane Irma might take in the next week. This is one monster bitch of a storm, already a category 3. This may be where a little of my anxiety is coming from. I've lived in Florida long enough that I swear my body can detect the presence of a possible hurricane threat from days away. 

Well. One can only try to be prepared for whatever may come. 

And having said that, who could have predicted what would come for Houston and that part of Texas? 

The names FSU and Alabama are getting thrown around here like there's some giant football game happening tonight so I guess that Mr. Moon and I won't be sitting on the couch and holding hands, watching Call The Midwife as we have been doing lately after supper, me trying to snort-sniff my tears back in, he getting a little misty-eyed himself. 

That's all right. I have a book to read and a bed to read it in. 

And tomorrow there will be a fiestita right here in Lloyd. 

Life is made up of so many things and I suppose it's best to try and concentrate on that which is most directly before us and not to go fishing for worries which may or may not prove to be worth getting worked up about. Trouble rarely comes from the direction we're expecting it to. 

There. Wasn't that helpful? 

I try, y'all. I really do. 

Love...Ms. Moon

Friday. And You Know What That Means! Dinosaurs! Oh. Wait. I Meant Martinis

Dear god. Why didn't I take more pictures today? I mean, I was on a roll this morning with the spider web and the chickens and the hurricane lily and then I had a huge opportunity because I went with Lily to get her hair trimmed by Melissa and I did get this one

but I really wanted to get one of Magnolia in her new dress and just could not.
That child won't stay still for one second. When I got to Lily's, I said, "Maggie, do you want to put on your new dress?"
"Yes," she said. She says yes a lot. She's a very positive person in some ways.
So I put on her new bloomers and her dress and she loved them and pranced around a little bit until we left to go to town. As soon as we got to Melissa's shop she immediately asked for candy and knew where it was because this was not her first Melissa's shop rodeo. And Melissa, because she is the sweetest lady in the world, gave her not one but two lollipops. Maggie was happy. Maggie loves Melissa. We ALL love Melissa.

So after the haircut we went to meet everyone else except for May and Michael because of course...work, but two other friends joined us, including Juancho, Melissa's husband. We'd asked Melissa but she had more appointments and couldn't leave. And Lord, but that lunch was a trial. There were eleven of us and it's a place where you have to stand in line and order which we did and I swear to you that Mr. Moon and I had to wait twenty minutes just to order. It's a case of the restaurant getting really popular really fast and they just can't cover it all no matter how hard they try and they were indeed trying.
But here's Mr. Moon and August.

August was reaching out for his daddy who was ahead of us in line and his grandfather said, "You don't need your daddy. Give me a kiss. 

And the boy did. 

We finally all got our food and it was delicious, falafels and grape leaves and gyros and hummus and wraps and tabbouleh but by that time I was a tattering rag of agitation which is ridiculous but there you go. My ridiculousness knows no bounds. 

But it was all worth it to witness one of the sweetest things I've ever seen. 

August was sitting on Vergil's lap and he was being a little fussy because he was tired and Maggie was on Jessie's lap right beside them. I offered August a piece of the delicious pita bread which had been part of my meal and he didn't want it and I asked Maggie if she'd like it. She took the bread and without even tasting it, laid it on August's lap. He picked it up and dipped it into his mama's tzatziki and took a bite, dipped it in the tzatziki again and offered it to Maggie who somberly accepted it. 

It made me want to cry, those serious, sharing baby cousins. 

And so it went and so it was and there were probably ten thousand hugs and kisses before it was all over. 

I drove home and you won't believe what I saw. 

A dinosaur crossing Apalachee Parkway. 

Okay, okay. Not really. 

When I was trying to get some of the trash out of my car the other day, I found this dinosaur under a seat. 

He charmed me so I put him on the dashboard. I don't know why that picture with the clouds cracks me up so much but it surely does. 

I'm a simple woman. 

Who had to come home and take a nap after the incredibly stressful experience of having lunch with some of her children and grandchildren. 

Well, I can see by the activities of the chickens that it is fuck-thirty which means it's just about time for that Friday martini. 

I raise my glass to you. 

Love...Ms. Moon

Lloyd This Morning

Spider web after a night of rain.

And suddenly, the hurricane lilies shoot up. 

Chickens at their scratch. 

Happy Friday.

Love...Ms. Moon

And In Local News

So. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Remember last night when I wrote about the hawk and the three baby chicks?
There is now one baby chick. Just Rose.
I'm sure the hawk got Amethyst last night and Pearl today and I'll be shocked if tomorrow he doesn't get Rose. He's learned they're right there for the taking and take he will.

I guess Dottie had kept them under the radar until yesterday late afternoon when I heard that hawk calling his whistling cry. Or hers.
Maybe I should try to keep Rose in the coop tomorrow.
I guess I'll attempt that.
Sigh...

Not only should you not count your chickens until they're hatched, you obviously shouldn't count them until they grow up to be adults, I guess.
Add to that the fact that old Miss Trixie has spent all day long in the corner of the hen house. I've thought she was dying so many times before so I won't say that I think she's dying but she does have that sort of flat look about her as if at least half of her spirit has already flown off. It takes all of a spirit to keep a chicken or any living being looking entirely animated as if spirit were directly connected to bones and muscle and I guess it is.

I got involved in some cleaning today. Mostly spider shit and Lloyd black greasy dust out on the back porch. Wiping things clean and then cleaning a shower and a sink and not one thing that I did will ever be noticed.
I also finished up the Magnolia dress and made a pair of panties to go with. The power went off as I was sewing the panties but it came back on pretty quickly and I finished them up.

**********

Oh my goodness! I just heard a chick calling and went out to find little Pearl running into the hen house where she jumped up on a roost pole and then I looked above her into one of the nests and there was Dottie with Rose so Pearl is fine. Dottie's trying to teach her how to get up into the nest with her right now.
Pearl seems to need extra tutoring. And Dottie is so patient with her.

So that is good and so is this:

After thirteen years of living here, my bananas are actually making bananas.
Do you know how thrilled I am?
Last year Jessie told me that she'd heard that bananas need lots of organic material so I've been throwing my kitchen scraps underneath them (which is so handy because all I have to do is lean over from the little kitchen stoop and toss) and the chickens come in and scratch it all into the ground and they poop, too. So that might be why this beauty finally bloomed and is fruiting and I have to believe that all of the rain we've had this summer has helped.

I have decided that I am going to stop apologizing for not writing more about what's going on in the world. Everyone who comes here can read the news from dawn-to-dusk and then on to dawn again and if I feel compelled, I will talk about something and if I don't, I won't.

This is my world, right here, my life and my village and my family and the blogs that I love the most are the ones which talk about the lives and villages and families of others. Anyone can know what's going on via CNN or Huffpost or even BBC News but it is these windows into the worlds of other people which I am most interested in knowing about.
It is our connections and our shared commonalities and our quirks and our strengths and our joys and our fears and our loves which we and we alone can write about which hold my attention and educate me.

So. A tiny manifesto right here at blessourhearts.

I'm going to go make some pasta with tomatoes and peppers and onions and artichoke hearts and olives and capers and goat cheese.

How does that sound?

Love you...Ms. Moon