I was in Costco today, in the produce section to be exact, when suddenly, I had such a longing to see August and Levon and their mama that I began to cry right by the peppers. I pulled out my phone to text Jess and tell her how much I missed them and found a message from her which of course happens frequently with all of us, I'm sure. I don't think this is woo-woo at all but an actual human sense ability that we have evolved with and that one day science will figure it out.
But I just couldn't seem to stop crying. It wasn't a big huge thing, just a continual weeping that I dabbed at as I moved around the store. I saw Brenda right after I'd checked out and we had a terrific, huge hug and that made me cry even more. I had to explain why I was crying and that really, everything was okay.
"I love you," she said. "I love you too," I answered.
And you know what? In some way I do love that woman. She is just so pure of heart and so giving of sweetness.
I went on to the liquor store and got to see Kevin whom I also very much enjoy talking to and when HE asked me how I was, I teared up again. I told him that I'd had a breakdown in produce and I laughed at myself and told him why and then I said, "Well, it's probably everything, you know. Like being told by the supreme court that I'm not really a whole person who can make decisions for herself."
"Aint that some shit?" he asked. "Why do they think they need to get into that business?"
"I don't know," I said, "but they sure do seem to think they really do." He rang me up and shook his head and told me to be good which is what he always says which is pretty funny considering I'm a 67-year old woman, just a kiss away from 68.
And then I went to Publix and they had orchids buy-one-get-one and so I got two even though I am the Orchid Killer. I think my daughters have inspired me to refall in love with plants the way I used to and somehow, I just wanted those orchids. So I bought them. And I got my groceries and some grocery store sushi which I ate in my car, feeling guilty because I had completely fine leftovers at home to eat but fuck it. Let us take comfort where we can, I guess.
I think we've all probably been going through too much lately. I feel whacked upside the head by what the supreme court is coming out with and even though many of us are so very glad that Trump may finally face some sort of consequences for his actions as president, watching and hearing the congressional committee testimony has been shocking to most of us who did not know the extremes to which that man went to to try and overthrow the election results. It's also been shocking to hear how many people who have now come forward to testify against him supported him right up to the last second, even knowing what they knew.
And I don't know about everyone else but somehow this knowledge has given me even less hope for our country and even more reason to have lost my faith in it and its citizens and its political system than I had before which wasn't much.
Another stick on the fire of treason has come out, this time about Melania Trump whose then chief-of-staff, Stephanie Grisham tweeted the text she supposedly sent Melania while the riots were going on along with Melania's answer.
One tiny bit of light came today though when Ketanji Brown Jackson made history as the first Black woman to be sworn in as a justice to the supreme court. In normal times (were there really ever any normal times?) this event would have had me soaring with joy but right now, I mostly just feel flat. Will her presence make a difference in the decisions that the current court is making?
I hope so. I wish her all of the best and a very long life. What an amazing woman she must be.
It's starting to rain and we need it. Doesn't look like it's going to be much of a rain but it's better than nothing, I suppose. I think I'm going to go make a risotto because I bought fresh spinach today and the thought of stirring and stirring and stirring is comforting.
Like I said- we should take whatever comfort we can find right now.
And by the way. I really do miss the Weatherfords. The little boys, the mama and the daddy. I am so glad we're going to see them soon.
Hang in there, y'all. We're going through a lot.