Another odd day in that my routine, my sacred routine, was not followed and I am beginning to wonder, or no, not really wonder, if I am becoming a bit OCD about following this daily schedule in order to provide comfort, to allay and control the feelings of angst and anxiety I wake up with daily.
But this was a good day. Lily and Lauren and I met up with Mr. Moon who was already in town (gym day) and we had lunch and then Lily and I went to the Goodwill bookstore and then to a different Asian market from the one I went to last week, and then to a large Goodwill. She wanted to get the kids some clothes and I wanted to find some smaller casserole dishes to suit the smaller meals I am cooking these days for just the two of us who live here.
We did these things and then Mr. Moon called- would I pick up some mower blades? He wanted to mow and the old blades were shot beyond sharpening. We did that.
And now I'm home, and have made a casserole (size large) which is in the oven and will then be frozen for the men to take tomorrow and I'm in the process of making a soup for our supper out of part of a turkey breast I cooked last week and my kitchen is chaos with pots and pans and bowls everywhere and vegetables laid out to slice and chop to put into the soup and it's so hot and why am I making soup?
Because it is easy.
I've been thinking about a dream I had last week that was so powerful. I've even tried to write about it. I may. It was like cracking a door open into my mind which, if I let it be free to go there, sent an emotion to my gut that was so powerful that there was no doubt that this was something I had experienced in real life. Not as portrayed in the dream because that was played out by actors and I knew they were only stand-ins.
Okay. That's enough of that. I will say that it was not a dream of abuse. I have not uncovered any repressed memories. It was a dream of betrayal. And every time I think I may, possibly, have figured out an actual experience I've had which created the so very real emotion in my gut, I realize there may be another one. And then another.
Anyway, the casserole is out of the oven, cooling in preparation to be frozen. The soup is essentially made. And now it's time to go clean up the kitchen. I have survived breaking out of my routine and all is well.
I think that bed will feel very good tonight. I praise all of the scientists, inventors and gods for air conditioning.
It is 102 degrees in Lloyd, Florida.