Mr. Moon and I were sitting in the Glen Den watching some TV while I snapped green beans and he shelled field peas and he described to me how he's been fertilizing the beans.
"Maybe it's time to stop that now," I said.
I'm slowly filling up the garage freezer with quart bags of the beans and it truly is nice to know that this fall and winter I'll have green beans for suppers, soups, stews. I'm not really complaining but it does seem as if my life is mostly defined by these beans right now, picking, snapping, freezing, and cooking them.
This morning I woke up in despair. Just pure despair. Last night I made the huge mistake of getting into it (gently) with a girl I know on Facebook who had posted something about how 99.5% of people who get covid survive and how "they" are using the virus to deny us our civil rights and wreck our economy. That it was created in a lab in North Carolina and then shipped to Wuhan and that Dr. Fauci was in on it and is somehow benefiting financially (I guess) from all this.
I've known this woman literally from the moment of her birth and I had no idea that her thinking goes along these paths. And I used to be good friends with her parents. They certainly, at that time at least, didn't cling to conspiracy theories.
And I suppose that despite knowing full well that even trying to begin to untangle such a web of faulty thinking, of determined ignoring of the facts and science was a fool's errand, I thought that perhaps maybe...what? That I could make her see the light?
All it served to do was upset me. To her, the things she thinks are PROVEN FACTS and that is that.
But just knowing that even people whom I know to be intelligent and raised by liberal parents can somehow slip into the that river of denial and conspiracy depressed the living fuck out of me.
I should have just thought, "Bless her heart," and moved on.
But I just felt so overwhelmed this morning. Like it's all too much. Too damn much. Everything is out of balance, sliding from this side of the ship to the other in the storm-tossed seas we're trying and failing to navigate. But there's nothing to be done except to try and stay upright, to attend to that which needs attending.
I realized that today was going to be one of those days where I could not ask very much of myself. And I didn't. I got some things done but nothing extra, certainly nothing extraordinary.
Like a sweet blessing, Lis called this morning and told me to go to the post office which I did. She had sent a box filled with lovely treats. Dresses, mostly, that she'd cleaned out of her closet, soft and cool and pretty and a very welcome relief from my overalls. Also some delicious looking fruit syrups for Mr. Moon and some antique fabric for whatever I might want to make with it. She also sent yards of old tulle that is meant for Hank and Rachel's wedding whenever that happens. A tropical blouse, a skirt, a card for Mr. Moon's birthday.
In other words- a treasure box.
I'm wearing one of the dresses now. April Cornell with buttons down the front, pretty detail on the bodice. It feels like wearing a nightgown. A really lovely comfortable nightgown with pockets.
I swear- over half of what's in my closet came from Lis. She takes care of me. I love her so.
I started a loaf of sourdough last night and instead of baking it in my dutch oven as I always do, I baked this loaf on a baking stone with a pan of water in the oven to provide steam. We shall see how it tastes but it is a fine-looking thing. I think we shall call it "artisanal."
Jessie brought sandwiches yesterday that she'd made from the starter I gave her and her bread looked better than mine. Hard for a mama to admit but true. I asked August if he'd like a piece of my bread and he said that he would. I sliced him a piece and handed it to him and he said, "Ummm, it would be better if you put butter on it and heated it up."
And so I did.
And of course he's right. Bread is always better heated up with butter on it. Even a four-year old knows that.
Dottie and Dearie are safe in their little coop. Dottie is taking such good care of that child all day, leading her about the yard, the chick running to keep up with her, peeping and occasionally trying out her tiny still-downy wings. Darla continues to sit on the nest.
I still feel overwhelmed and somewhat in despair but I am doing my best to keep my sea legs beneath me, to find balance in this strange storm. I never feel as if I am succeeding but how does anyone do that these days?
At least I am wearing a pretty dress as I make my way drunkenly across the deck of this rolling ship.
And we'll be having a warm green bean salad with our supper tonight. Oddly, they still taste so very good to me.
It's hard to get over fresh green beans!ReplyDelete
As for your young friend, how sad. I am sorry for her. I hope she washes her hands often.
So, it was created in a lab in North Carolina and then shipped to Wuhan?! Well I have to admit that is a different twist on all the conspiracy theories. I like the one that says it will all go away after the election in November and we won't have to wear masks anymore. You know what, I think part of this virus must be a stupidity bug! I keep hearing people that I thought were smart saying things like this.ReplyDelete
The way it's going right now I feel like we are headed into going back to day one only worse with all this and repeating it. I never did like the movie Groundhog's Day and I sure don't want to see Covid in a never ending loop!
Wow, if there weren't so many idiot vectors of disease among us, I might feel sorry for your young friend. Brainwashed. Enjoy your green beans.ReplyDelete
Never get into it on FB - I learned that to my cost - and I wasn't even getting "into it". It was on a FB group about Brexit and I mentioned that I had questioned a British couple who had voted "leave" about how they expected to be allowed to move to Spain after the transition period. Did they meet the new minimum income requirements etc. They were relations of a guy I was seeing at the time. They "wanted out" (despite dad being Polish) but hadn't realized it applied both ways and that they would most likely not be welcome in Spain any more either. Some female laid into me for this but thankfully everyone else in the group told her to f... off because what I had said was true. So moral of that story - don't get into it on FB! Lesson learned (here at least)!ReplyDelete
The sad thing is, facts don't change people's minds. I learned that at work years ago, doesn't stop me from trying though.ReplyDelete
What a lovely gift from your friend/fairy godmother.
There is a lot of stupid going around and COVID seems to highlight it.
Everything is too much right now. I feel the same way. I'm trying to remember to just breathe. I can feel the depression hanging on but I'm trying to overcome it. I hate depression.
Sending hugs and love and if I were closer, I'd come over for a glass of iced tea on your porch. Take care Mary.
It's always hard to cope with people who refuse to see reality. Whose perspective on the world is not fact-based. (Remember how George W. Bush complained about the "fact-based community"?) I've engaged with a few such people in recent years and I find that it almost always does harm -- to me, probably to them, and to our relationship (such that it is). These days, I just don't go there.ReplyDelete
That bread IS a fine-looking thing! Holy cow! It looks professional!
Mrs. Kravitz gave us a bean vine and Dave has been training it to climb twine up the wall. It hasn't produced beans yet. Dave says he's been fertilizing them, and it's kind of his project. I'm leaving it up to him!
I'm gonna focus on the sweet love basket you received from Lis. A pearl among friends, for sure. Haven't seen or heard of an April Cornell dress in many moons. Happy you received so many treasures to lighten your day.ReplyDelete
People run entirely on emotion, seems to me. I quite often find I am saying stuff that I don't have any idea if it is true. But it sort of sounds true. And I try and try not to do that. SO many people have gone through senseless times, I am grateful that I haven't had to do it till now. Although I think actually there were some scary times when I was younger but I didn't notice or worry about it that much.ReplyDelete
Geez, get out the tin foil and magnets and copper bracelets, dropping facebook was the best slap on the back i gave to myself.ReplyDelete
God, it's all so grim. Stupid gets stupider. Sadly, I believe we've missed the boat and the pandemic will rage on. I'm trying to live my little life mostly indoors and when I'm out I'm masked. I'm trying to help some folks in my world, my disability community. There's a lot of good out there, too. Just today, I saw that here in Los Angeles, some businesses have put fridges filled with food outside for people to take for free. There's something beautiful about that and something really, really sad. I love you all the way from the west coast.ReplyDelete
No picture of you in the dress? and yes, things are spiraling further and further out of control and still no one, no republican senators are doing a goddamn thing to stop Trump. and now, he's getting ready to cook the books on the virus to show everybody what a great job he has done so reelect me. of course all the kids and adults who are sick and dying and the stores and restaurants that can't keep staff because everyone is sick will know better. I have stopped myself from replying to the ridiculous insane things some people profess to believe and post about. been in too many of those 'conversations and I know they lead nowhere but to despair.ReplyDelete
but so wonderful to get a treasure chest from a friend.
I missed seeing a post from you last night! I hope everything is okay!ReplyDelete
Same as Jennifer. Shelagh in StatesvilleReplyDelete
Honey, I hear you. Ashville N Carolina gonna make reparations!!! This is good news after the latest kerfuffele with the orange one dumping the CDC. GAWD, oh gawd.ReplyDelete
BTW, I've had about 5 green beans from my wee garden. But I've got pattypans and crooknecks and tomatoes and snap peas and so on so I don't feel bereft.
I wish I could stop by for a martini or a cup of sweet tea.
I love you always.
time to surface, Ms Moon. Always concerned when you don't post for a day.......now 2 days....... hope all is well. Keeping you in my heartReplyDelete
Yes, two days now and I haven't seen Ms. Moon on FB either. 😧 Please let us know everything is okay, Mary!ReplyDelete
I applaud your "rolling ship" metaphor. Very apt in these times. How on earth can anybody be so dim as to swallow those coronavirus myths hook, line and sinker? Frighteningly stupid. As for "fertilising" the beans - I am glad you didn't go into Mr Moon's method.ReplyDelete
As a world class worrier, I officially concerned about you,Mary. These are scary times and quite stressful. I hope all is well.ReplyDelete
Ms Moon! I'm fretting about you.ReplyDelete
Oh I've stalked you on Instagram and see a post from last night. Whew!!!Delete
We're worried, love. Please post.ReplyDelete
Thinking of you and hoping you are okay.ReplyDelete
Hope everything is okay. Missing your posts. Love GailReplyDelete
Sending good thoughts and hope all is well.ReplyDelete
I think the thing to keep in mind is that there have been pandemics before, some of them way back when they didn't even know about bacteria. They all killed many people but they also went away again and didn't kill everybody. I don't know if there are more stupid people now or if it's just that the internet has made us more aware of them - they are the ones who shout the loudest after all. My husbands quote of the year was 'social media has given some people a voice when they shouldn't even have oxygen' So, I think what I'm saying is this, this will pass, normal will return eventually. Take care of you and your family, wash lots of hands (thats a biggie from the past too!) and do what you can to avoid the idiots.ReplyDelete
You have a brilliant friend there, she's a keeper! Take care. xx