When I finally did drop off I slept until it was just breaking dawn and I laid there for a few minutes, trying to change position to get more comfortable and then I fell back asleep and stayed there until nine or so.
I had rather horrible dreams which I am sure were pandemic-based and when I got up I did not feel the way I had hoped to feel which was even better than the day before. My ribs hurt more, my energy was low and so were my spirits.
I talked to Lis though and Glen went to the post office and brought home the box of presents that sweet woman had sent to me and by the time I was finished unwrapping them all I was sobbing.
Not weeping. Sobbing.
Everything she sent me was perfect and beautiful and exquisite. Just like Lis. A Johnny Was blouse. A pair of the daintiest pearl and crystal earrings. A bar of soap that smells of the sea and seaweed. A jar of blue cheese olives in vermouth. A blue shawl. Which is what broke me. I held it close to myself and lost it. It is too much for me to bear. It made me feel so covered in love.
I’m crying again.
I texted her and told her that I could not possibly talk to her because I was too emotional. I could not have gotten a word out.
For this past week I’ve felt so broken and useless and haggish and the opposite of everything those magical gifts represented and they seem like totems of promise that I won’t always feel this way.
I added the shawl to my nest of pillows and covers and slipped the earrings into my ears.
I can’t even say how much I love that woman.
I watered the porch plants. That was my biggest accomplishment. I’ve waited since this morning for the arrival of my MacBook because I got a notice telling me it would be here today.
No MacBook has arrived.
But Rachel did. She brought us a beautiful Mediterranean vegetarian family meal from a restaurant in Tallahassee. Falafel and hummus and rice and grape leaves and chick pea salad and pita. It’s going to taste so good to me.
I cried when she left.
I’m a mess.
I finally looked again at the hematoma on the back of my leg and it is horrifying. Mr. Moon says the area of my ribs is bruised up real good now too.
My sweet husband has blanched and vacuum-sealed all the field peas he has picked and shelled today and put them in the freezer. He is more than amazing. It is so weird to watch him do all these things that I think of as mine to do. And uncomfortable.
I have to keep remembering that I did indeed injure myself quite seriously and that healing is my job now. Not sweeping or cooking or weeding or picking the garden or doing laundry or shopping or walking or any of those things. It is simply to be here now and to heal.
I cannot deal with any more of the news beyond a quick scan of what’s going on. It’s all so dire and horrific and sad and frightening. And to put the cherry on top of the cowgirl, we may be in the path of what may become a hurricane.
Who among us can not nod their head and say, “Yep. That sounds about right”?
Netflix reminded me this morning to make sure to finish watching The Office! They’re so thoughtful. And helpful. I’ve been doing my best.
As are we all, I am sure.
I just ordered myself a carrot cake from the Kroger through instacart to be delivered sometime within the next 48 hours. I don’t even care. Love you.ReplyDelete
Well I love Publix carrot cake. I hope that Kroger's is good. I love you too!Delete
Well I love Publix carrot cake. I hope Kroger's is good. I love you too!Delete
well, the 2 steps forward and one step back will certainly apply to your healing....and that doesn't help but it's pretty much a fact of life. You have been broken not only in body, but in spirit, and the emotions just can't help but pour out. So glad Lis sent you a gift of love.....many gifts....... and so happy that you have such a loving husband and family to help nurse and guide you on your recovery road. Come ON MacBook!!!!!!!!!!ReplyDelete
You're right and I've thought about that two steps forward, one step back think a lot. That is just life.Delete
Those gifts sound lovely! I imagine all those tears were building up over the past few days and it was just time to let them flow. I wish you peace and comfort in the coming days.xxxReplyDelete
Thanks, Bonnie. And I definitely needed to shed a tear or two.Delete
I'm glad you're taking it easy. Mr. Moon is a wonderful man! Maybe it's time for a Roomba, Girlie!ReplyDelete
Been thinking about that Roomba...Delete
Mr. Moon IS most definitely a wonderful man.
When I was laid up in a cast for eight weeks, and forced to used a god-awful knee scooter, I opted to stay home as much as possible and cried three to fifty times a day. Though I don’t do near as much as you, I’m used to keeping the household running. I cook, clean, launder, garden, can, and just about everything but mow. When my hubby had to cook and clean and change sheets I cried buckets. I think it’s just who we are....it’s impossible to do everything when we can’t do a thing.ReplyDelete
Sounds like you do exactly what I do. I sure don't mow either!Delete
And you're right- it is ridiculously hard to watch our partners take over what we normally do. It's a blessing that they do but it's so hard to have to let go for a while.
Sometimes a good cry is as good as a good walk. I'm glad you have a friend who knows you so well. That is a true blessing. Hope you sleep better tonight. Hugs.ReplyDelete
Isn't Lis a jewel? Yes. Yes she is.Delete
I slept pretty well last night. I surely did.
That wonderful meal sounds as good to me as peanut butter chocolate ice cream. You probably will stay black and blue and red for the rest of 2020, though there could be a vast improvement after November 2nd.ReplyDelete
VAST improvement if...Delete
That meal was amazing and I was so excited to have more of it for lunch today. It's perfect food for me right now.
this post made me cry. You deserve always to be surrounded by such beauty.ReplyDelete
And of COURSE there's a hurricane. It's probably filled with aliens and demon semen. WHY NOT AT THIS POINT.
I keep wishing I knew how to do astral sex. I mean...Jeez. Sounds interesting at the very least, right?Delete
broken bones are not to be trifled with! plenty of time for you to reclaim your territory after they heal.ReplyDelete
No trifling! I promise.Delete
I wish you a peaceful night.ReplyDelete
Thank you, e. I surely did have one.Delete
Thinking of you in your nest, hoping it’s a good and restful night of easy dreams and that in the morning you’ll be in less pain than you were today. Cry as much as you need to. It’s probably healing to do so. You are so very loved.ReplyDelete
I am so very lucky. I know that for sure.Delete
My nest did me well last night. Maurice shared it and took good care of me.
I trust that your lawyer has already prepared a strong case in the fight to secure significant compensation from the manufacturers of "Crocs". They are notoriously slippery when it's wet and you are one of countless "Croc" owners who have suffered significant injury through slipping. Trouble is they can afford an entire team of highly paid lawyers so maybe it's not worth it.ReplyDelete
Yeah. Those crocs should have been tossed a long time ago. I'd just be laughed at if I tried to sue anyone for slipping while wearing shoes that old.Delete
I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. A mallnatural part of processing all the shock of breaking bones and the pain and discomfort? Lis' parcel is amazing. Wow!ReplyDelete
And Lis is amazing.Delete
And I think it is to be expected that I have bad days. I mean...damn.
So sorry you are hurting. I broke a bone in my foot 2 months ago and my life hasn’t been the same, although the doctor did say yesterday that the X-ray shows healing. But the initial pain and bruising were spectacular.ReplyDelete
Hope you feel better each day.
"Shows healing"? After two months? I should hope so! I'm so sorry.Delete
Your only job these days is to heal. And I know that is a royal PIA (literally and figuratively). Understandable to have emotional moments during this process. Hang in there.ReplyDelete
Hope the Mac shows up today...still waiting on my dishwasher after a second delivery delay. Now scheduled for 8/10 (more than 5 weeks after ordering it), but not holding my breath.
Damn. By the time you get that dishwasher you'll have forgotten you owned one! And yes, the Mac is here!Delete
Thank goodness for Lis! What a wonderful friend!ReplyDelete