Tuesday, April 14, 2020

Mixed Emotions

For the past five weeks I've tried my hardest to take things as they are, knowing that my fuming about the mistakes our government (read: bloody dictator shithead orange intestine idiot narcissist flatulent toilet-paper dragging lying son of a bitch gold toilet shitting illiterate piece of what swamp animals defecate when they drink the lowest layer of algae and rotted remains of turtle crap water excuse for a human being) have made will do no good, no good at all, but have simply muttered about "blood on his hands" and "murderer" and given myself up to trying to maintain peace and sanity and gratefulness in the midst of the fear and anxiety and sadness and chaos.
And I feel like that I've done pretty well at that overall but this evening I've just hit a wall.

I'm pissed. And not just about that.
I mean, I'm sure that that is what I am really and actually pissed about but it's been the little things that have finally lit the fuse. Such as:

We aren't getting the rain that we were promised. By the weather widget. Is this a sane thing to think or say? No. No it is not. Too bad. But this does not stop me from being extremely disappointed and, yes, angry that all of the rain has passed south of here and with all of the computers and models and predictors with scientific degrees THEY'VE STILL GOTTEN IT WRONG!

Every time Netflix makes a suggestion for me I can only realize that THEY HAVE NO IDEA WHO I AM OR WHAT I LIKE. Again with the science and algorithms.

People are being stupid and refuse to practice safe boundary-keeping and are doing things that threaten my loved ones who work at grocery stores. Also, churches are still meeting, threatening our entire communities. Also- and this sort of sums everything up for me- our governor, Ron DeSantis, has declared that the professional wrestling company WWE, is an essential business and shall continue production as long as the events are closed to the general public.
Oh wait. That's not as stupid as gun shops being declared essential business.
How could I forget?

Another thing pissing me off is that we are being asked to make our own face masks and if that's not bad enough, we're being asked to make them for hospital and clinic workers as well.
How many nuclear bombs do we have?

Okay. This is ridiculous and personal BUT, my next door neighbor still has a Trump sign in the front yard. It's faded all to hell but you can still read, "Make America Great Again."

Well, whatever.

It's just another day in the alternate universe of Corona Virus lockdown. I honestly don't have a thing to complain about and yet, here we are and I have complained a lot.

All I did today was take a walk and trim a few things in the little garden bed by the kitchen.
Here's what the sago palm looks like now.


If you click on it you'll be able to see the incredible way the seeds are nested in that twisting and curling soft material. It's pretty awesome. 

 I also took a nap. 

Meanwhile, my husband has accomplished this:


By involving things like this:


Meanwhile, I feel completely useless.

And writing this post isn't helping.
I guess I can make myself feel better by saying that if you get angry and pissed and momentarily let go of your peace and sanity and gratefulness for a moment, you're not alone.

We are human. We're yin, we're yang. We're god, we're devil. We're good and evil, enlightened and ignorant. We are dancers and fighters and lovers and creators and destroyers and right now I need to go create some pizza.

Exhale. Let it go.

Love...Ms. Moon







34 comments:

  1. Your anger is righteous. I join you in it. When I'm not angry, I'm depressed -- so depressed that I dissociate from it all and act cheerful. In fact, I think that's what I'll write my post about, so thank you for the inspiration. I love you from the left coast. Soon, I hope, the left coast might become its own nation-state, and I'll love you from another country.

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    1. I have to say, de-unification makes all the sense in the world at his point.

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    2. If I were California, I'd want to become my own nation-state.
      You know, they do say that depression is anger turned inwards. So...

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  2. The range of Emotion, both positive and negative, is something that daily has it's ebbs and flows too for me. I like what your Husband accomplished in the garden! That Florida Governor is as Mental as the Orange Menace, isn't he?!

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  3. I'm angry, I am so angry I do not know what to do with all of my anger. Lately I've been out stomping across the desert trying to expunge all of my anger. So far, I still have anger remaining.
    On the side of goodness, we got toilet paper today for the first time since early March. I didn't realize how much it was stressing me out until it wasn't.
    Could we have a picture of the pizza?

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    1. Well, stomping across the desert is probably as good as anything to dispel anger. Imagine how bad it would be if you didn't do that.
      I'm so glad you got TP! Who knew that toilet paper could be the source of stress-relief?
      I may post a picture of the pizza. I did actually take one.

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  4. Well, that post acted as catharsis for this reader! Thank you.

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  5. Oh your rant filled me with such glee thank you. That cactus is entirely remarkable. Your garden made my garden blush and I only planted half of it today tomatoes and blueberries. ♥️

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    1. I think we're going to have to start calling it "Glen's Garden." He's back out there again. Isn't that cactus amazing?
      I bet your tomatoes will do better than ours. I feel certain your blueberries will too.

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  6. I hope that pizza is for Mr. Moon, who has created a garden beyond most of our wildest dreams. But not beyond a man with a stack of lumber and a DeWalt.

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    1. Yes. I made Mr. Moon's favorite pizza. He loved it.

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  7. I'm feeling what you said in the first paragraph. I'm actually glad that this idiot of a president we have seems to be spinning out of control daily because I hope he spins right off the earth. I should know better than to hope but I do.

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    1. We all hope. I mean, we just can't help it.

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  8. Thanks for your rant. It made me feel just slightly better.

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  9. It's good to rant and at least try to get it out. The kind of stuff we are living with would be pretty nasty if we held it all in!

    The garden looks great!

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    Replies
    1. Isn't that the truth? Better out than in, I suppose.
      Mr. Moon's garden is a thing of beauty.

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  10. Sigh. If we all could just tend to our garden, what a much better place the world would be.

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  11. (read: bloody dictator shithead orange intestine idiot narcissist flatulent toilet-paper dragging lying son of a bitch gold toilet shitting illiterate piece of what swamp animals defecate when they drink the lowest layer of algae and rotted remains of turtle crap water excuse for a human being)

    I want to give you a prize for most creative description of tRump. I love it and it made me smile, so thank you for that.

    I'm tired, grumpy, angry, sad...all of it piled together. Each day I get up and think, just one more day. I try not to read too much about the bloody dictator shithead orange intestine idiot narcissist flatulent toilet-paper dragging lying son of a bitch gold toilet shitting illiterate piece of what swamp animals defecate when they drink the lowest layer of algae and rotted remains of turtle crap water excuse for a human being, because it upsets me. We have our own version here, his name is Jason Kenney(turn my head to spit).

    Now my knee is acting up too. Fuck! I can't even hug my friends anymore or my patients.

    This will pass I know but right now it sucks. This too shall pass.

    You are not alone. Sending fake hugs which don't make me feel better at all, bah, humbug:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Turn my head to spit." That's great! I may borrow it sometime.
      I hope your knee is all right. Sometimes mine just goes to hurting for no apparent reason for a day or two and then it gets better.
      Fake hugs are better than no hugs.

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  12. well, Mary, tell us how you really feel. ha ha. I could not agree more and I'm sure you left out a few heinous adjectives. now he's defunding the WHO and insisting his signature is on the respite checks even though it was Nancy Pelosi who fought for that pittance for us. here's an ide, mix up a good bucket of mud and sneak out during the night and throw handfuls at that faded Trump sign.

    and the garden looks fabulous. I can't wait to get mine going again. maybe for next spring after we get the house for my sister done.

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    1. Well you know darn well I would never have created such a beautiful garden. But maybe after you get your fence done you can make that a project. Your rose just blooms and blooms out there on the corner of the garden. It brings me so much joy.

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  13. Without a doubt, the best description of Trump I have heard to date. Perfect.

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  14. You know, one of the things that keeps me sane through all this craziness (Brexit, Trump, coronavirus, you name it) is knowing that there are people out there who feel as I do, who are as outraged as I am. It really DOES help! So thanks for that. (You said it better than I ever could.)

    I'm so impressed by Mr Moon's...plant stand? Plant bench? Whatever it is!

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    1. There are a lot of us who feel this way and by god, we should use that anger.
      I don't know what you'd call what he built either. I'm calling them bench stands. Or plant benches. Or plant stands. Whatever. They are sturdy. Trust me.

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  15. I hear you Mary. God, I hear you. Lovelovelove.

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  16. Mixed emotions here too. Much love.
    Xoxo
    Barbara

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  17. I saw that bit about wrestling being "essential". Oh man, if you don't laugh you'd cry wouldn't you!

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Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.