Saturday, April 4, 2020

Keep Your Sanity


Porch jungle

Today I have felt pregnant. Not with life but with sorrow and ennui, with sadness and some despair. I am heavy with all of it. 
Just so heavy. 
Everything and I do mean everything has just been too hard. Thinking about cleaning the chicks' bin or getting fresh water for the teenagers has been enough to make me want to cry. Just about one of the hardest things I've ever done was peeling a few over-ripe bananas and putting them in the freezer. 
It's all just too much. 
I know that tomorrow will be different. This is just one small day of sadness. I am sure of that. And I managed- I did manage to get up and do the things that needed doing. Mr. Moon and I opened up the little coop to let the ones in there flutter out when they were ready. For the longest time only five brave (smart?) ones made the leap. 


Cleopatra was the first one out. By the end of the day, all nine were out and of course they have spent most of their time trying to figure out how to escape the coop and god knows they'll do it eventually, scaring me to death. And I just now remembered what it's like to get those critters back into the little coop for roosting and oh, how I do not want to do that. 
Well. I didn't want to peel the bananas and put them in the freezer, either. 

I gave the babies a fresh, clean bin with fresh, clean water and I cut them up some grapes and some greens and they devoured them. 

Lily brought over a few groceries and prescriptions she'd gotten for us at Publix and she brought little Pepper. Mr. Moon had not yet met her and he was charmed. She's such a darling. And Lily says that Owen is being extremely responsible for her care, even getting up at six o'clock in the morning to take her out when she wakes him up. He's actually cleaned up her few accidents without being told to. I think that this small, joyful sprite of a dog is just what Owen needs now and I am so glad that they have her. 


She loves her mommy and didn't even need to be on a leash in the yard but stayed close to Lily the whole time, sniffing and snuffling around. Lily sent us this picture when they were on the way home. 


The bebe was worn out. 
I really don't think she's going to get too big. She's delicate and her feet aren't those giant paws that you see on puppies and think, "Oh boy." But of course only time will tell. 

So seeing Lily and Pepper was cheering but nothing else has really made me smile. I haven't been able to think today, either. I mean, even worse than usual. This morning I was searching the refrigerator for the little bowl of hard-boiled eggs that I knew was in there and finally I had to ask Glen to look. They were literally right in front of my nose. 

I did manage to go out and finish weeding a part of the yard between the gate and the sidewalk but it was a sort of practically effortless kind of weeding. But. You know. I did that. 

Hank and Rachel called and they are in good spirits, it would seem. Hank who is obviously not working at his regular gig of being a Trivia Master in bars is selling trivia packets online and people are buying them to do with their friends online. He has created some for his regulars and some for Girl Scouts! He's working on educational ones too. He says that no matter what happens, this could well be something he can do after all of this is over and I'm proud of him. Not only is he very smart, he is also very creative. And he and Rachel are getting along so sweetly and their cats are keeping them entertained. It was good to hear their voices. 

Meanwhile, Mr. Moon worked hard in the garden today, planting cucumbers and flowers. He also built a trellis for his beans to run up. 


He says that I can pick the ones on the fence and he will pick the ones on the tall trellis. I love that he used some of our bamboo. He is a man who can DO things. And he does. 

I have nothing else to say. I've almost gotten through this hard day and I feel guilty saying that because any difficulty has come from my own outlook. But. Just as I am not judging others on how they are coping with these things, I am trying not to judge myself. And honestly, it's not really the day-to-day business of life that is difficult. I'm not bored. We have plenty to eat. I have beloved friends and family to reach out to. I have a co-quarantiner whom I love to talk to, to hug, to hold and 
be helped by. I have life all around me to tend and to watch grow. No. It's not the day-to-day so much as it is the uncertainty of it all. Will my loved ones stay safe? Will the stores keep having food? And what will the world look like when this has become not an emergency situation but a problem we have a good handle on? Will there be such a time? 
I think so. I really do. And as a guy named Adrian Cozumel said today on his post, "Don't lose your sanity." 
Things are much more buttoned down there. It is such a small island and there are so many people living cheek-to-jowl. The military is making sure that people keep the rules of isolation and although that sounds completely antithetical to what we in the US believe, it is absolutely imperative for them. They only have a few small hospitals with a very limited amount of supplies and staff. They have to do what they have to do. 
And they are doing it. And because they are used to doing without, used to sharing what they have, they will absolutely make it through this time of no tourists and no income. 
And you know what? 
We will make it through too. 

Here I go to make some shrimp and grits. Bacon and cheese will be involved. 

I wish I could hug every one of you deep and hard, heart-to-heart. Have I said this before? Well, bears repeating. 

Love...Ms. Moon


37 comments:

  1. I know that feeling. It's all so much right now. I'm worried about so many different people all at once.

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    1. It's impossible to let it all get in into my head.

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  2. You did write a lovely long blogpost, full of news and animals and chickens. That was a big thing, and certainly lifted my spirits. That exhausted pup!

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    1. Thank you for saying that, dear Boud. I appreciate it.

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  3. Chin up Ms. Moon. I don't check in on you all that often, but do enjoy looking in on your little part of the world. There are better days ahead. Worrying yourself sick over others does neither them nor you any good.

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    1. I know that you are exactly right! Seems like sometimes my head just takes in things whether I want it to or not. I know that this won't last forever.
      Be well. And thank you for checking in here.

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  4. How I wish I could hug you! I find that I relate so much to your ups and downs and honestly admire your ability to do what needs to be done in spite of feeling that way. I find myself close to tears and short tempered but then the dog does something adorable and I have to smile.I manage to make meals,do laundry etc but little else. I saw two ambulances on my street today,so sad.It has become overwhelming in New York. I am just rattling on,sorry. Hope tomorrow is better for both of us.

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    1. Never apologize for saying what you want to say here. I appreciate all of the thoughts and observations.
      We're all dealing with this the best we can and I am very aware of that. Moods and tempers may flare and wane and we just have to ride those waves.

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  5. I love that sweet little pup. Nothing like a dog with separation anxiety! I love that you get through your days. I get through mine with markers of breakfast, lunch, supper, and that's not the best. You keep those eggs under control. Actually, that gave me quite a chuckle. Your fridge must be like my sister's--gorged. Mine has two or three items. My freezer, on the other hand....

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    1. My refrigerator has room for more, believe it or not!
      And hell, meals are as good as anything to mark a day. I believe that.
      My freezer is pretty full now too. I am glad and grateful.

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  6. I'm there with you and send a hug. I love that cute dog too.

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  7. Sending you hugs. I'm sorry you've had a hard day. It's funny, we do okay for awhile and then all of a sudden it unexpectedly hits us hard. I'm starting to hear more of friends and family of people I know not making it from this awful virus and that brings it home. I've been having such awful nightmares that I can't repeat them to anyone. And somehow they are tied in with this virus.

    I hope you feel better and have a good day tomorrow. I'm glad you saw Lily and little Pepper. Pepper is so cute! And my goodness, that dog has long legs! She may not get too big but she is going to be tall!

    More hugs.

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    1. I'm so sorry, Bonnie. Sorry that you're losing people and that your nightmares are so unspeakable. I am sure they are informed by the effects of the virus in your life.
      I hope you have good days as well as bad.
      Maybe Pepper's long legs are what make me think of the word "sprightly" when I see her.

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  8. Yes, it's not knowing that does the damage. Thank you for the good news and stories in spite of it all.

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  9. The uncertainty of it all does bear a great weight doesn't it? I'm so sorry you had a really hard day, they suck and somehow it does drain our Energy to where even the Simple things become hard to Cope with. Virtual Hug... we can still give and receive those.

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    1. We can most certainly still send virtual hugs and I send one to you!

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  10. our puppy bella has been a constant source of entertainment for us in this time of quarantine. we had a virtual cocktail party with our indiana friends last night and we all share the same concerns and fears that you are speaking of. what will the new normal become? what will happen to the election in nov? i'd be interested in any of the educational trivas too.

    be safe. stay woke. stay home. stay alive.

    xxalainaxx

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    1. I'll talk to Hank about what he's doing in the educational field or what he plans to do. I feel certain that he could tailor something just for you. Somehow I feel like if you and Tony lived around here, you would be big fans of Hank's trivia nights.

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  11. Love your posts. Thank you so much for posting. I look forward to your posts every day. Have a good day :) Bobbie

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    1. Thanks, Bobbie. I look forward to posting them every day too. It truly helps me stay sane.

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  12. Stubblejumpers CafeApril 5, 2020 at 10:00 AM

    Just one of those days, was it, Mary? You have a most beautiful life, yet you too have days that are ... one of those days. I like that you write from the heart, no matter what's there. You're so very alive and easy to love, and I imagine you're the most wonderful wife, mother, and friend. Thank you for your blog. -Kate

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    1. Oh, Kate. That was so sweet.
      I think that sometimes I may be a bit difficult of a wife. I don't think I'm too difficult as a mother. I hope not, anyway. As to friend- well, I only truly have the few who know me inside and out and love me despite it all.
      I do have a beautiful life.

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  13. Thank you for your always-honest posts! You are able to say what I think so easily. Even though we, too, have all that we need and then some, my heart feels uneasy at times, about the future. Perspective can be helpful. Thank you for offering your perspective.

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    1. How can our hearts not be uneasy now? But you're right- perspective! Thank you.

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  14. I miss hugging friends at work. I miss hugging patients at work too. I hate looking at people like they may be carriers and then avoiding them. It feels cold and indifferent.

    I'm glad you have your little corner of paradise. And that pup, yes, so beautiful. Sending hugs. Stay safe my friend.

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    1. Yes. Even in the grocery store we all look at each other like we're possible mortal enemies. I hate that. Or completely ignore each other. It's hard and weird. I sure do like just staying here in my own little corner of yes, paradise.

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  15. I. It’s a lot of things but I have my husband here and the dog and plenty to keep busy with. My biggest worry is what if something happens to my parents. They are 500 miles from me in a home for seniors. If one dies I can’t go be with the other. That, and food. We need full grocery stores and no hoarders.
    Enough. It’s hard to talk about.
    Sending love and hugs and peace to you.

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    1. Try not to worry. Hopefully, they are being as safe as possible. And it seems like the hoarding is not as bad but it could be that way again, I suppose.
      Sending back love and hugs to you.

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  16. This is a time of uncertainty, and I'm feeling it too. I'm sure we all are. You mentioned Cozumel -- some of the European countries are also being very strict about enforced lockdowns. Stricter than ours, which allows us to go out for exercise. Spain and Italy don't even have that. (As I'm sure you've seen.)

    I love the photo of Pepper on the car seat! (Wasn't Pepper the dog's name in the Weekly Reader when we were kids? Do you remember that?) I'm glad Owen is doing so well in caring for her.

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    1. They aren't fooling around in some places. I saw today that they are passing out meals to families at their homes in Cozumel. They know how to deal with things like this but they do it on their terms.
      I do not remember Pepper from Weekly Reader. I am a lot older than you so maybe Pepper hadn't been introduced into it yet when I was reading it. I loved the Weekly Reader.
      I'm proud of Owen.

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  17. I relate to all you say. I know how you feel. I feel like that most of the time but hope for better. Here in UK finally feels like spring. Moved house in winter to a house with nice long garden. You call them backyards. Here a backyard is a much different thing. But as l am disabled l havent been out there till today. There is now a summer house. Not finished but a sanctuary and best of all seeing the dog able to run wild without having to leave home So glad we moved when we did even though house is in chaos a building site. What l mean is trying to see the good things in all the sorrow. Not something l am good at. Hope that better days are coming for us all Maggi xxx

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    1. I wouldn't want to be living in a construction site but having a bigger yard has to make up for it.
      Yes. We really do have to look for the good things in this sorrow. No need to let it kill us if we don't even have it! Or make us crazy, either.
      I'm trying.
      Better days ARE coming. They will.

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  18. I'm so sorry you're feeling really down today. There's not much we can do about those kinds of days is there except keep on keeping on. There's always sunshine on the other side you know and you will get there. When I've been really down it was like a giant leap for mankind just to throw some washing in the machine but it always helped. Oh and I don't know about you but I NEVER peel my bananas before throwing them in the freezer, so you see, one less thing to worry about. Hope you feel more chipper tomorrow. Anna

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    1. But then you have to peel them when you take them out! Seriously though, I may start trying that. So thank you, Anna!
      And yes- we have to just keep on keeping on. It is true.
      I admire the way you do that.

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  19. Hey Ms Moon. I read your blog almost every day. It's the last thing I read before I go to sleep. Sometimes I get behind. I like to savor each one. I have been reading your stuff for 10 years plus I guess. I climbed on board when Owen was first born!!!
    Thank you for your blogs, humor, and sharing your family and thoughts with us.
    If Hank comes up with an idea to make those Trivia Packs? I would love to jump on that bandwagon. I LOVE useless or useful trivia. I would happily pay him for it as well.
    I wrote you once before my address/ and or screen name was Lulupic66. Thanks again for Everything!!! Big virtual hugs to you.
    I am a hugger. I went to go hug somebody yesterday. . .I refrained. I'm going to be giving hugs to everybody once this bug passes. All my love, Lulu. ����

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Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.