Thursday, June 30, 2022

Ain't That Some Shit?

 I was in Costco today, in the produce section to be exact, when suddenly, I had such a longing to see August and Levon and their mama that I began to cry right by the peppers. I pulled out my phone to text Jess and tell her how much I missed them and found a message from her which of course happens frequently with all of us, I'm sure. I don't think this is woo-woo at all but an actual human sense ability that we have evolved with and that one day science will figure it out. 
But I just couldn't seem to stop crying. It wasn't a big huge thing, just a continual weeping that I dabbed at as I moved around the store. I saw Brenda right after I'd checked out and we had a terrific, huge hug and that made me cry even more. I had to explain why I was crying and that really, everything was okay. 
"I love you," she said. "I love you too," I answered. 
And you know what? In some way I do love that woman. She is just so pure of heart and so giving of sweetness. 
I went on to the liquor store and got to see Kevin whom I also very much enjoy talking to and when HE asked me how I was, I teared up again. I told him that I'd had a breakdown in produce and I laughed at myself and told him why and then I said, "Well, it's probably everything, you know. Like being told by the supreme court that I'm not really a whole person who can make decisions for herself."
"Aint that some shit?" he asked. "Why do they think they need to get into that business?"
"I don't know," I said, "but they sure do seem to think they really do." He rang me up and shook his head and told me to be good which is what he always says which is pretty funny considering I'm a 67-year old woman, just a kiss away from 68. 

And then I went to Publix and they had orchids buy-one-get-one and so I got two even though I am the Orchid Killer. I think my daughters have inspired me to refall in love with plants the way I used to and somehow, I just wanted those orchids. So I bought them. And I got my groceries and some grocery store sushi which I ate in my car, feeling guilty because I had completely fine leftovers at home to eat but fuck it. Let us take comfort where we can, I guess.

I think we've all probably been going through too much lately. I feel whacked upside the head by what the supreme court is coming out with and even though many of us are so very glad that Trump may finally face some sort of consequences for his actions as president, watching and hearing the congressional committee testimony has been shocking to most of us who did not know the extremes to which that man went to to try and overthrow the election results. It's also been shocking to hear how many people who have now come forward to testify against him supported him right up to the last second, even knowing what they knew. 
And I don't know about everyone else but somehow this knowledge has given me even less hope for our country and even more reason to have lost my faith in it and its citizens and its political system than I had before which wasn't much. 
Another stick on the fire of treason has come out, this time about Melania Trump whose then chief-of-staff, Stephanie Grisham tweeted the text she supposedly sent Melania while the riots were going on along with Melania's answer. 



Well. Okay then. 

One tiny bit of light came today though when Ketanji Brown Jackson made history as the first Black woman to be sworn in as a justice to the supreme court. In normal times (were there really ever any normal times?) this event would have had me soaring with joy but right now, I mostly just feel flat. Will her presence make a difference in the decisions that the current court is making? 
I hope so. I wish her all of the best and a very long life. What an amazing woman she must be. 

It's starting to rain and we need it. Doesn't look like it's going to be much of a rain but it's better than nothing, I suppose. I think I'm going to go make a risotto because I bought fresh spinach today and the thought of stirring and stirring and stirring is comforting. 
Like I said- we should take whatever comfort we can find right now. 

And by the way. I really do miss the Weatherfords. The little boys, the mama and the daddy. I am so glad we're going to see them soon. 

Hang in there, y'all. We're going through a lot. 

Love...Ms. Moon


 

34 comments:

  1. What I think sweetie is this: I admire your ability to express awkward feelings that usually swirl beneath the veneer of everyday life. When you are on your way up to North Carolina or on your way back, why not take a detour to Florence SC to meet up with Jennifer?

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    1. That would be wonderful. ❤️

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    2. Well, Florence is quite a ways from Asheville and I doubt we'll make it this trip but maybe sometime we would. I already know I love Jennifer so there's that....

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  2. Oh yes, I am familiar- I have had faucet days like that, but mine tend to last a week or so and that is when I reach for my little blue pills , to break the spell, snap me out of it, re-set. We live in this country- we are so vulnerable- our little kids are worthy of our strength and clear headed-ness. We have been slapped so hard this time that I am still reeling- aren't we all? Maggie and flora and all the little women deserve so much better! It is up to us but I am not sure how to guarantee better at this point. My witchy incantations have done nothing...yet...

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    1. But is it up to us? I feel so conflicted about that. There are younger women behind us, many of them who can still get pregnant, who have the energy, perhaps, to fight the fight we thought we'd already fought. That was a tortured sentence but you know what I mean. And besides- we all do feel tortured, I think.
      Shit, Linda Sue. This is all just too much.

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  3. I think all of us are reeling from recent events and the depth of hatred they reveal. It doesn't take much to get upset these days. And to want to see family right now.

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    1. Yes, I think that at times like this we need to know for real and certain that our babies are okay. And it is such a relief to see young parents who are raising their children, both boys and girls, to be respectful of all and appreciative of differences. Not just respectful but appreciative. I am proud of my daughters for doing that.

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  4. I once had an orchid for fifteen years. When my daughter gave it to me, it was a tiny thing. She told me one ice cube a week. That's all I did, except repot it a couple of times. Not in dirt. They grow in special wood hunks. I always kept it in a south or east window. I think the last move, with no good windows, did it in.
    And yes, ain't that some shit.

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    1. I think the proper light is 90% of what a plant needs to thrive. I've never been able to grow African violets- I just don't have the right light. And that may be the problem with the orchids, too.
      Yes m'am. This sure is some shit.

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  5. Crying makes sense to me. The world is imploding and all we want is to hold our babies close.

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    1. Crying comes easy to me. I know that. And lately, it seems like I'm always on the verge of tears. All I have to do is to think of anything emotional and there they are...

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  6. That last comment is from 37P. Sorry I keep forgetting to Identify myself.

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  7. I'm not a fan of orchids, they're beautiful, but I just don't like them much. My mum insisted I carry them for my wedding and since that affair was mostly her ideas and plans I went ahead with it, but I've never bought any since .
    I hope the risotto stirring helps and that you get to see that branch of your family very soon. There will be lots of hugging, I know.

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    1. My stepfather used to grow them so I should hate them but he grew a completely different type of orchid so I don't have much of an association with him when I see these grocery store varieties. Isn't it odd that such an evil man grew orchids?
      I asked Levon on the phone today if he would give me a hug when he saw me and he said he would but he didn't sound too excited about it.

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    2. I read your later post and wonder if you sensed that the boys are growing up a bit and won't be the babies anymore, so that's why you cried unexpectedly.

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  8. Hope that your sadness has retreated a bit by now. Re looking after orchids......I have 5 in flower at the moment and find that mainly ignoring them works a treat! Just make sure that they never, ever, sit in water. Hold under the tap occasionally and let them drain before putting back in the pot holder .

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    1. Well, I too believe that benevolent neglect is what pleases most plants but that wasn't what killed my orchids! I really think it was the wrong light.

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  9. I read the Grisham book and the coldness of Melania came through on every page. Maybe that's why she doesn't seem to have any problem dealing with DT - she just doesn't care!

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    1. She told us she didn't care. We should have figured it out.

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  10. All the shit just keeps piling on, doesn't it? I feel tired and sick of it all...I'm feeling so low right now, Mary. Family coming on Sunday so I have to perk up...

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    1. Ellen- I am sorry. Hang in there, honey. You're in good company. And you do not have to be a shiny rainbow Pollyanna for your family. I promise.

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  11. I look at those grocery store orchids and I want to buy them but they are forced to bloom and are in such tiny pots and really are not healthy to my way of thinking and in fact when I received one for my birthday last year even though I did what it said to do, it died.

    I am currently overwhelmed. And now the Supreme Court far right assholes just gutted the EPA like they did the voting rights act.

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    1. I saw that about the EPA and it just keeps getting worse and worse, doesn't it? WTFF?
      You're probably right about the orchids but when I saw them BOGO I just couldn't resist trying again.

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  12. I'm sure it's all of that -- missing the Weatherfords and all the political BS too. So much is going on! I truly believe we're going to come back from all this but it's going to take time.

    Here's what I've learned about orchids: They bloom, and then they go into a bit of a slump and they look terrible for a while, and then they slowly build up strength and bloom again. Mine usually look sorry in the summer but I suppose it varies from place to place. I am no expert but I think the most critical thing is to never let them stand in water. I water mine once a week, let the water run through and then put the plant back in a dry saucer, and I haven't lost one in a while. (Knock wood!)

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    1. I had one (it had been my mother's) for several years and I think it bloomed one bloom exactly once. And I did not over water. I think.

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  13. I'd say tearfulness is APPROPRIATE, Mary.

    Many of us feel as though we're standing at the crumbling edge of a precipice.

    Just now in an article in Reuters:

    "The court in a flurry of recent rulings has overturned or undermined its own decades-old precedents.

    "I think the most conservative justices dislike much of modern American law and are actively changing it. They aren't going to let precedent get in their way," University of Virginia Law School professor Douglas Laycock said.

    The conservative justices have become increasingly assertive since the addition of former President Donald Trump's third conservative appointee Amy Coney Barrett in 2020."

    Take heart. There's a sorrowing, irate army standing with you.

    Karen

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    1. The whole idea of the supreme court as a court of individual voices has been destroyed, hasn't it? So now what do we do?

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  14. I've been away a while - again! - and been pretty stressed so literally stopped watching the news a while. It's a sort of guilty relief. We don't get the same coverage of the congressional hearings but it sounds shocking - as was the Roe/ Wade decision. What are we coming to... But then my neighbours decided last week to fence n our village green and claim it (illegally and they know it) as their own. It's just greed. What is the world coming to I often wonder.
    A kiss away from 68... lovely phrase.

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    1. Your neighbors must be insane. Can the rest of the neighbors fight this illegitimate claim?
      As to that line- I stole it, really, from the Rolling Stones "Gimme Shelter." It's a good one.

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  15. Yes it’s all too much. I cannot remember a time when what was happening politically invaded invaded my emotions and filled me with such dread. Don’t we all have enough personal shit going on without that constant burden of worry added to it? I’m also 67 and it feels like the battles are never ending. It’s been 50 years since my first pro choice rally. I’ve been in Florida that long and am seriously thinking about moving back to New York, especially if that cruel bastard DeSantis gets re-elected.

    I’ve grown orchids for many years, the few I keep indoors such as the phalaenopsis that Publix sells only get watered thorough once a week, more get killed by overwatering than anything else. Best of luck with yours.
    Xoxo
    Barbara

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    1. And what if DeSatan gets elected president? What then? I hear you, Barbara. I've lived in Florida since I was five, so almost 63 years and both you and I have seen some shit go down here but this is intolerable.
      Thanks for the good wishes on the orchids.

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  16. I love you and I do all those things … orchids, grocery store sushi, leftover guilt, political despair. I feel so much community with like minded women. My DIL was so sad about Roe she just went to bed for the day. She has sickle cell and she doesn’t need to be pregnant. And now an accident could be really bad. Glad I’m 49 and also have enough $ and health to welcome a baby if one slips in at the last second. Hah!

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  17. Thank you for helping me recognize the feeling beyond numbness. Heartache. I feel so disappointed in humanity.

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Tell me, sweeties. Tell me what you think.