Why did I not really believe this would happen?
I feel exactly like I felt the day after the 2016 presidential election. Sick. Complete disbelief, horror, burning rage, grief and fear. No. Not fear. Terror.
And I knew, I knew, that the unthinkable and ungodly election result would lead straight to what has happened in this country today.
And it's not over by any means. And when I say "it" I mean the horror that will surely follow in the areas of birth control, civil rights, marriage equality, LGBTQIA rights.
Clarance Thomas, the man whose wife was huge in the "stop the steal" movement, has already let us know that all of these things are on the agenda to reconsider.
I could sit here and write fifty pages, easy, of why today's supreme court decision is so remarkably insane and cruel and dangerous but what good would that do? There's nothing I can say that hasn't been said before. There's no argument I could make that would change anyone's mind because at this point, anyone who supports the court's decision is not a rational person, just as anyone who still supports Trump is not a rational person, and logic and reason are useless in the face of ignorant, elevated emotion.
Yeah. I just can't. There's so much going on in my head right now, so much going on in my heart and my gut that I can't put a proper paragraph together. I realize that I am not being rational because all I want to do is scream and weep and gasp in sheer disbelief that once again, the patriarchy, the big Christian, White, Straight Man patriarchy has put it's foot down right upon the neck of anyone they don't want to have power. Or even a shadow of equality.
I had Owen and Gibson and Maggie over today. I read the news about the decision while we were playing Go Fish. I am sure they wonder why their grandmother suddenly got so quiet. All I could think about was how this was going to affect them and their lives. Not just Magnolia's because she has a uterus, but the boys too, because the day may come when they inadvertently get someone pregnant and know that it's not the right time to bring a child into the world and yet, be forced by law not to allow that clump of cells into becoming a baby.
I did not discuss the issue with the children. I feel that I could discuss it with Owen because he is old enough now to consider these things. I will let their mother determine how and when to explain. Their mother who is in a loving, caring, domestic relationship with another woman and that is yet another way today's decision is probably going to affect them.
It has been hotter today than yesterday. At least it's felt that way as the humidity has been higher. Right now it is thundering to the southwest of us and the sky is dark and the air smells sharply of ozone and it has cooled some and with all of my heart I am hoping for rain but let me tell you something- hoping does nothing to affect what is or what will be. Prayers are NOT answered. God is not watching us. His eye is neither on the sparrow or the child who was impregnated by her uncle, her brother, her step-father, her father.
We are in charge. We are in charge of helping each other, of protecting our young, of tending our planet, of caring and being tender, of trying to understand those with whom we do not share tribe or experience. Of extending grace to those in need of all kinds.
I remember a few days after Trump had been elected and I will not lie to you- I was having thoughts that were not healthy. I remember quite clearly telling my husband that I was so glad that my friends Kathleen, and Sue and Lynn were not here to have to suffer through this sort of despair.
"Are you wishing that you weren't here?" he asked me, quietly, seriously, concerned.
"No, no," I hurried to reassure him. But I had to make a conscious decision then and there to make that not be a lie.
There is no doubt that we are all vulnerable right now. Many of us in this blog community have been fighting this fight and these fights for over half a century. We are weary. We are in despair. And I am not going to tell anyone to shrug that off and immediately rise up and begin fighting again. We have to take care of ourselves and do whatever we can to lend our voices to what must now happen.
I love you all. I hold all of your hands, gathering and giving comfort and strength.