I have had almost no anxiety today. Occasionally a little flash goes through me, almost like a cat's tongue, coming out of nowhere, a bit of a rough little swipe but then gone.
I am so grateful.
Here's another thing I am grateful for- I had a massage.
For about the past thirty-something years I've had hip and lower back pain and for some years I tried to figure out the source and an antidote. I went to a regular doctor (actually, several) and got chiropractic care and did prescribed stretches and did yoga for years and nothing ever came close to dealing with it. I've learned to live with it. It gets worse after exercise to the point where I often wonder why I do it but one cannot simply stop moving.
Jessie went to a massage therapist a few months ago and came away with high praise. The woman who had done it was quite skilled and gave her some good relief for various problems. She encouraged me to go see her myself and I swore I would and then never did but I did "friend" the woman's FB business page and on Sunday, I think, I just impulsively dared myself to instant message her and made an appointment.
And today was the day.
I had a feeling we were going to be a good fit when after meeting her and talking for ten minutes, we had both teared up. In case you haven't figured this out- I do like to make profound connections with people. I suppose this is how I establish trust. Who knows? Anyway, I gave myself over to her completely and for ninety minutes she worked on my back and my hips and found the places that are so very tight and which, over the years, have become a real problem.
I actually feel better tonight. And I am going to go back to her.
I keep saying, jokingly, that "self-care is all the rage," and it is but what that really means is a somewhat dubious thing. Does it mean buying oneself a new lipstick? Taking aromatherapy bubble baths? Getting pedicures? Signing up for Zumba?
I am not sure but I think that going to see this woman regularly and letting her very skilled hands work on my old body to relieve pain qualifies.
It was interesting. Despite the fact that she found and manipulated my most painful points, it was at the same time relaxing. She checked with me frequently to ask if the level of her pressure was enough, just right, or too much. And I felt that she really wanted to know and I told her and sometimes it verged on the uncomfortable but it was okay. It felt right.
So. We shall see. I am not looking for a complete healing of a body that has developed its own musculoskeletal problems over the course of a lifetime but perhaps there can be an easing of pain and that has to be a good thing.
And that was what I did today. And went to Publix. Because every time I go to town I need to go to Publix. I know I've said this before but I swear to god- I am slap out of ideas for cooking. I've been doing this for forty-five years or more- coming up with ideas for supper- and although of course I haven't really come to a brick wall with it, it sure feels like I'm close. Which is ridiculous. I've got a freezer full of venison and fish from the wild. I have vegetables in the garden. I have eggs galore. I have cookbooks by the score.
I think I need to peruse a few of them.
The fact of the matter is- I do love to cook and I take pride in it. And even more important- I love to eat and I want what I eat to be good.
Anyway, tonight we are having stewed tomatoes, eggplant, and green beans from the garden. Also, snow crab legs which were on sale at Publix. And leftover delicious focaccia.
Gosh. Has there ever been a more First World discussion than this?
I think not.
And I feel as if I should bow my head in shame.
Instead I think I'll go start sauteing onions and garlic. And pick some oregano.
Two hens laid their eggs in the basket with a flap on it on the back porch today. Funny girls.
Oh! And it rained and the temperature dropped from ninety-five to a far more tolerable eighty-six.
But Donald Trump is still the biggest ass in the known universe. And his followers are legion.
Thank god for anti-depressants.