Tuesday, July 23, 2019

A Bit Of Anguish

Peel and shuck and shuck and jive and sweat and walk and sweat and dive and no, I did not go to the river today or take a walk, either, but stayed right here in Lloyd and pretended to be a housewife.
I still shame-shudder a bit when I have to fill out a form and there it is: OCCUPATION_________


Eh, whatever. I am. Still, thank you, all you sisters who liberated me to go into the boardroom, to the office, to the stage, to the whatever it is I could have/should have done. I wasted your efforts, didn't I? Staying home and tending children and gardens and sweeping floors and making meals and whatever it is I've done all my life.

That's how I feel some days. Today.

I did indeed scrub and I mopped and I swept and I washed and I folded and I ironed and I picked and I shucked those peas and now they are on the stove and I don't know. I really don't know much. I read people's posts on Facebook and they are so sure about what kind of a Democratic candidate should run in order to win against the beast and it occurs to me that no one knows because we didn't know how low the citizens of this country would go and now more of them are emboldened to reveal their most inner vile selves and how are you going to run anyone against that and expect to win? You could run Jesus Christ himself, Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson, Harriet Tubman, Winston Churchill- it wouldn't matter.
I truly don't believe it would matter.
Intelligence and goodness and morality and truthfulness don't matter.
To them.

And it's pouring rain and speaking of low, I just I am.

I know in my heart that raising four children and loving them and loving their children and living this life of mine has been worthwhile. I know that.
It's just that- well, you know- we all have those days.

And I love the rain. The sky has let loose with all the force of a million firehoses, my huge lady spider is holding on to her web with all her might.

May tomorrow be fresh and new and may Mueller have something to say (and be allowed to say it) that can put an end to this hideous farce.
But I don't have much hope.

We shall see.
And at least my kitchen floor is clean. And that is nice. It's not a cure for cancer but it's nice.


  1. Mary, when I'm asked my occupation, I say retired and that piece of paper can't ask, retired from what, lol. Being a parent and grandparent is the most important job anyone can have and you are such an excellent role model. Why do you think your children are such good parents? You and Mr. Moon can take credit for that. And a clean kitchen floor is something to envy. Doesn't it feel wonderful on bare feet? Sleep well. Hugs, Elaine

  2. I did the same yesterday. I scrubbed until my hands hurt but my kitchen, living room, hall and bathroom floors shined and smelled wonderful. I dusted and bleached counters and sinks and even changed the linens on the bed. It felt good and looked good and smelled good and yesterday it was enough and I am glad because today I am give out.

    Oh sweetie, being a mom and a grandparent is the most important job in the world. There is nothing to feel low about because the work that you did is something I know that a lot of liberated women would love to do today, to just stay home and be with their children and spouses. Then of course there are those who love working outside of the home so I think that it is what is needed at the time.

    Have a nice evening... Beth xxx

  3. I hear ya. Raising babies should be applauded and admired. It's certainly not easy or for the faint of heart. It's day in and day out of non-stop work and no sick days allowed.

    You should wear that badge proudly. House wife. Stay at home mom. It's all worthwhile and good honest work.

  4. Homemaker. Because you make a beautiful home for your loved ones. Nothing could be any more important than that.

  5. I know the feeling, of being....just a housewife. But, I truly do believe that being a homemaker, a sacred space maker, a mom, step mom, grandmom is one of the most important jobs there is. Staying home to raise kids is a full time, important job. Done well, it changes the world, one child at a time.

  6. As far as I'm concerned, women marched and agitated so we could choose, so we could be liberated to choose, and no one has any right to judge our choices either. That said, if I were judging, I'd say you've done a mighty work, raising the children you have, the grandchildren they have, every last one of whom lifts the heart and soul of the world. Thank you.

  7. I read the following this morning, thought you might like it.

    Here's the surprising answer of a 6 year old child.
    Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog’s owners, Ron, his wife Lisa, and their little boy Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.
    I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn’t do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.
    As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.
    The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker‘s family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.
    The little boy seemed to accept Belker’s transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker’s Death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that dogs' lives are shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, ”I know why.”
    Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I’d never heard a more comforting explanation. It has changed the way I try and live.
    He said, ”People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life — like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?” The six-year-old continued,
    ”Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don’t have to stay for as long as we do.”

    What you did, what you do, it matters.

  8. Being liberated means you have the freedom to choose your path, rather than have it dictated to you — and you’ve chosen. There’s no shame in that.

    I feel just as you do about politics. I’m not sure any of Mueller’s testimony or any factual evidence will make a difference in the end. People will believe what they want to believe.

    My only glimmer of hope comes from the fact that just a few years ago, we elected Obama. Twice. So the potential is there for a challenger to break through. Right?

  9. I feel bad about not having earned enough money to do more than subsist in relative comfort. I mean, I have a roof over my head many would envy, while others would be horrified at my bathrooms and 30 year old carpet. And I have made no provision for old age or children in need.

    I have failed to do anything of worth so far, either in contribution to art, science or saving the world. But far greater, in my eyes, is my failure to be a mother who made her children feel loved and safe and secure. I'd rather have raised whole, happy, capable people than get a book published.

  10. the work of us liberated ladies is not in vain regarding your life. you chose and that is/was the whole point, that we get to choose. and of course keeping house has value even if the patriarchy tries to demean it or in the other extreme tell us it's the only thing we are capable of.

    no amount of truth or facts will make any difference. the only thing that will make a difference is if all of the other 2/3 of the population vote. Trump is a cult and they support him because he validates who they are. showing them facts doesn't change who they are. it's despairing to learn that there are so many Americans that that is who they are.

  11. I am a part time worker part time homemaker in the uk and let me tell you the homemaker part is the hardest. I have to be all things to all people.

    and today we got a new leader. Blonde floppy hair, ridiculous rhetoric..breathe


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